Adventures in mediocrity, aka my lunch at Olive Garden...

I did something today I swore years ago I'd never do - I ate at an Olive Garden, specifically the Olive Garden at the Stonestown Shopping Center in San Francisco. I went there with the intention of bringing my iPod to the Apple store for a tech call, and I thought that perhaps on the way out I'd stop at Chevy's, but I changed my mind. Against my better judgment, I changed my mind. I really have to stop doing that!

I did it somewhat on a dare. A few years ago, I was staying in Phoenix with a Republican friend of mine and he suggested that we go to Olive Garden. I said "oh, no, that place sucks." He asked me if I'd ever eaten there and I told him that I hadn't but I didn't need to eat somewhere to know that it sucked - the tv and print ads were enough to illustrate for me exactly what kind of place it was, i.e. an "Italian-style" Red Lobster (owned by the same company, no less and, yes, I have eaten at Red Lobster in the past.) He told me that I was acting like a typical liberal, judging something before I gave it a chance. As if, of course, that's something right-wing conservatives never do - witness George Bush's '04 victory based on convincing anyone stupid enough to listen to his crap how allowing same-sex couples to enter into a legal contract with each other (i.e. civil marriage) would lead this country to ruin.

So, this morning, I decided to give OG (short for Oh Gee why in G-d's name did I ever stoop so low as to eat here?) a chance.

I ordered something that I know from experience is hard to mess up. Fettucine Alfredo (yes, I know, aka 'heart-attack on a plate,' but considering I order FA about once every five years, and whenever I make it at home I make it virtually fat-free, I'm okay.) Came with a bowl of salad (all-you-can-eat) and "breadsticks."

The salad was marginally decent. Iceberg lettuce, tomatos, onions, pepperoncini, croutons, Italian-style vinaigrette dressing). Not good enough to make me want more. Should have stopped there. It all went downhill from there.

The "breadsticks" were soft and they were shaped like, and tasted like, hot dog buns. Amazingly it went even further downhill from there.

The FA was tasteless. It is amazing that such a dish could be virtually tasteless, but this was. I can't say any more about it. It was just horrible.

Ate half the FA, half a "breadstick," had a little more salad, paid my bill and left, cursing myself for not trusting my better judgment, and certainly for letting a Republican influence a choice I made, even one regarding food.

P.S. I'm from New Jersey - when it comes to Italian restaurants, I should know better. Olive Garden? Don't do it! Don't do it! You're hungry? You want Italian but don't want to spend a small fortune? Call me, and come on over. I'll cook you up a pasta dinner (baked ziti is my specialty) truly worth writing home about.

Thanks for listening, have a great day,

Kenny A.