Monday, December 31, 2007

Laugh Your Way Into 2008!

I'll be in the Comedy and More comedy showcase blowout tonight at 10:30 PM at The Actors Theatre, 855 Bush Street, SF.

Hosted by Tony Sparks with headliners Mark Silverman (Dr. Demento), Michael Meehan (Late Late Show w/Craig Ferguson) and Brent Weinbach (MTV's "Room 401").

Tix are $45. Bring this e-mail message with you for half-price tix.

It's your last chance to see me in '07 - don't blow it!

Happy new year to all, and thanks for your support.

Kenny A.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Comedy on the Square Tonight, December 30!

I will be in the Comedy and More showcase at the SF Playhouse, Stage 2, 533 Sutter Street, tonight at 8:30 PM. This is normally a $20 ticket show but if you print out and bring this blog piece with you, you'll get in for $10.

Come and see me, Tony Sparks, Lynn Ruth Miller, and a couple of other local funny folk rip the place up!

Thanks for supporting live comedy in San Francisco, have a happy, healthy, sweet and safe new year!

Kenny A.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Sunday, December 16 - The Second Annual Kenny Altman Birthday Comedy Extravaganza!

At The Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street (between Geary and Post), 7th Floor - Sunday, December 16, 7 PM – The Second Annual Kenny Altman Birthday Comedy Extravaganza! Featuring – Mike McGee, Karen Smyth, Joe Nguyen, Dana Lovecchio, Loren Kraut, Bev Owen, Nick Leonard, Debbie Campo, and more of SF’s hottest comics. Tickets are $8 at the door. RSVP to me at kennyaltman@earthlink.net or to 415/377-6350.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Gays and Dolls + The Second Annual Kenny Altman Birthday Comedy Extravaganza!


All shows at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), SF.
Sunday, December 9, 7 PM – Gays, Jews, and Some Guy Named Ryan! Catch the last Gays and Dolls show before we go on hiatus for a few weeks and then return in January in a monthly format. All comics on this bill are gay, Jewish, or some combo of both – and then, of course, there’s Ryan! I am hosting, and featured performers that night include Loren Kraut (finalist, Battle of the Bay 2007 Comedy Competition), Shelly Steward (really funny gay, Jewish guy), and headliner Heather Gold. And as usual, a healthy dose of SF’s brightest and best comics, and a few surprises always in store. Tix are $8, but with this e-mail you can purchase online or at the door for $7. Reservations can be made by phone at 415/921-2051 or tickets can be purchased online here. If you purchase online, enter promo code “jewish” to get the dollar off.
Saturday, December 15, 2 PM – SFCC Grad Show. See the San Francisco Comedy College students show off their latest round of new material. Always funny, always worth the trip to the 7th Floor. $10 (if you do not carry money on Shabbat, let me know and I will make special arrangements for you to pay either before or after the day of rest.)
Sunday, December 16, 7 PM – The Second Annual Kenny Altman Birthday Comedy Extravaganza! Featuring – Mike McGee, Karen Smyth, Joe Nguyen, Dana Lovecchio, Loren Kraut, Bev Owen, Nick Leonard, Debbie Campo, and more of SF’s hottest comics. Tickets are $8 at the door. RSVP to me at kennyaltman@earthlink.net or to 415/377-6350.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

When It's Working, It Feels Like Magic

Q Comedy Showcase, 11/26/07. Thanks for watching, enjoy!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Q Comedy Tonight!


Monday Nov 26, doors 7:30, show 8 pm, sliding scale $8-$15:
Qcomedy Showcase -- SF's flagship queer comedy showcase returns in its seventh year in a great new location, featuring as always a stellar cast of San Francisco's funniest Queer and/or Queer friendly comedians and performers. This month's show is hosted by Dana Cory, the Host of Improv Slam and the HomoRevolution Tour and features Kenny Yun, Pippi Lovestocking, Ryan Kasmier, Kenny Altman, and more! Now on Mondays again! New location -- At the Women's Building, 3543 18th St. between Valencia and Guerrero in the Audre Lorde room. http://www.qcomedy.com

Sunday, November 25, 2007

You Couldn't Beat This Lineup With A Stick!


Gays and Dolls, Sunday 11/25/07, 7 pm. $8. At the SFCC Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), SF. 415/921-2051.

It's the best comedy showcase in town, the only weekly show to exclusively feature female and gay male comics.

Maitre D’ – Ryan Kasmier
Appetizers – Kenny Altman, Bev Owen, Cara Tramontano, Steve Reede
1st Course – Dhaya Lak, Katie Compa
Main Course – Beth Schumann
Dessert and Other Finishing Touches – YOU, THE AUDIENCE! TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND COME OUT AND SUPPORT!

Mention this bulletin and get $1 off your ticket!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Holy Gays and Dolls, Batman, It's the 40th Anniversary of My Bar Mitzvah!

Come and celebrate with me:

Saturday, 9 a.m. at Congregation Beth Sholom at St. James Church, 4620 California Street (at 8th Avenue), SF. I will be leading portions of the service and reading from and speaking about my Torah portion, Vayishlach, followed by a bitchin' kiddush (luncheon) sponsored by my brother and sister-in-law, Howard and Karen Altman.

Saturday, 6 p.m. New Faces of Comedy at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), SF. $5. 415/921-2051.

Sunday, 7 p.m. Gays and Dolls at the Clubhouse. This weekly comedy showcase features female and gay male comics, and it kicks ass! $8. 415/921-2051. Purchase advance tix here.

Thanks for listening, thanks for watching, thanks for your support - Shabbat Shalom!

Kenny A.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Zichrona L'vracha (may her memory be for a blessing)

This obituary for my dear friend Goldie Rassen appears in today's (San Francisco) Chronicle; she was a remarkable woman and I will miss her very much.

Goldie Hiatt Rassen In San Francisco on November 18, 2007 at age 93. Beloved wife of the late Jacob Rassen for 41 years. Loving mother of Dr. Joshua (and Amy) Rassen and Rachel Rassen. Proud grandmother of Jeremy and Elisa Rassen. Goldie was born in Lithuania, the youngest of 12 children. Her first husband and daughter, as well as her parents and three siblings, were victims of the Holocaust. Following World War II, she married another survivor, Jacob Rassen, who had also returned to Lithuania in 1945. From the first moment that Goldie and Jacob saw each other wandering and looking for family and friends, they were drawn together and remained with each other. Their first child was born in a deportation camp in 1946. Shortly afterwards they emigrated to Worcester, MA, joining the three Hiatt brothers who had left Lithuania before the war. Goldie and Jacob were married for 41 years and raised two children in the Boston area. They moved to San Francisco in 1985 to be with their children and grandchildren. Jacob passed away one year later. While raising her children, Goldie taught Hebrew to first and second graders at a local synagogue. Once in San Francisco, she began teaching Hebrew to individual adults. She was an ardent supporter of Israel, and was dedicated to making sure that the memory of the six million stayed alive. She was practical, clever and wise. All interactions offered an opportunity for her to share her wisdom and advice; she was always generous in offering her opinions. Goldie was a devoted member of Congregation Beth Sholom and a supporter of many Jewish causes. In her latter years, Goldie was one of the first residents at Rhoda Goldman Plaza where she lived independently and continued to teach Hebrew for six years. She spent the last three months of her life at the Jewish Home. Funeral Services will be held on Tuesday (TODAY), November 20th, 1:00PM at SINAI MEMORIAL CHAPEL, 1501 Divisadero Street at Geary Blvd., SF, followed by interment at Hills of Eternity Cemetery, 1301 El Camino Real, Colma. Contributions to Congregation Beth Sholom preferred, 318 15th Avenue, SF 94118.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Comedy Gold

Sex Scandal Hits Atlanta-Area Megachurch

DECATUR, Ga. (AP) — The 80-year-old leader of a suburban Atlanta megachurch is at the center of a sex scandal of biblical dimensions: He slept with his brother's wife and fathered a child by her.

Members of Archbishop Earl Paulk's family stood at the pulpit of the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit at Chapel Hill Harvester Church a few Sundays ago and revealed the secret exposed by a recent court-ordered paternity test.

In truth, this is not the first — or even the second — sex scandal to engulf Paulk and the independent, charismatic church. But this time, he could be in trouble with the law for lying under oath about the affair.

The living proof of that lie is 34-year-old D.E. Paulk, who for years was known publicly as Earl Paulk's nephew.

"I am so very sorry for the collateral damage it's caused our family and the families hurt by the removing of the veil that hid our humanity and our sinfulness," said D.E. Paulk, who received the mantle of head pastor a year and a half ago.

D.E. Paulk said he did not learn the secret of his parentage until the paternity test. "I was disappointed, and I was surprised," he said.

Earl Paulk, his brother, Don, and his sister-in-law, Clariece, did not return calls for comment.

A judge ordered the test at the request of the Cobb County district attorney's office and the Georgia Bureau of Investigation, which are investigating Earl Paulk for possible perjury and false-swearing charges stemming from a lawsuit.

The archbishop, his brother and the church are being sued by former church employee Mona Brewer, who says Earl Paulk manipulated her into an affair from 1989 to 2003 by telling her it was her only path to salvation. Earl Paulk admitted to the affair in front of the church last January.

In a 2006 deposition stemming from the lawsuit, the archbishop said under oath that the only woman he had ever had sex with outside of his marriage was Brewer. But the paternity test said otherwise.

So far no charges have been filed against Earl Paulk. District Attorney Pat Head and GBI spokesman John Bankhead would not comment.

The shocking results of the paternity test are speeding up a transformation already under way in the church after more than a decade of sex scandals and lawsuits involving the Paulks, D.E. Paulk said.

"It was a necessary evil to bring us back to a God-consciousness," said the younger Paulk, explaining that the church had become too personality-driven and prone to pastor worship.

The flashy megachurch began in 1960 with just a few dozen members in the Little Five Points neighborhood of Atlanta. Now, it is in the suburbs on a 100-acre expanse, a collection of buildings surrounding a neo-Gothic cathedral.

For years the church was at the forefront of many social movements — admitting black members in the 1960s, ordaining women and opening its doors to gays.

At its peak in the early 1990s, it claimed about 10,000 members and 24 pastors and was a media powerhouse. By soliciting tithes of 10 percent from each member's income, the church was able to build a Bible college, two schools, a worldwide TV ministry and a $12 million sanctuary the size of a fortress.

Today, though, membership is down to about 1,500, the church has 18 pastors, most of them volunteers, and the Bible college and TV ministry have shuttered — a downturn blamed largely on complaints about the alleged sexual transgressions of the elder Paulks.

In 1992, a church member claimed she was pressured into a sexual relationship with Don Paulk. Other women also claimed they had been coerced into sex with Earl Paulk and other members of the church's administration.

The church countered with a $24 million libel suit against seven former church members. The lawsuit was later dropped.

Jan Royston, who left the church in 1992, started an online support group for former members to discuss their crushed faith and hurt feelings.

"This is a cult. And you escape from a cult," she said. "We all escaped."

These days, Earl Paulk has a much-reduced role at the cathedral, giving 10-minute lectures as part of Sunday morning worship each week.

"My uncle is 100 percent guilty, but his accusers are guilty as well," D.E. Paulk said, declining to talk further about the lawsuits.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Gays and Dolls 11/18 with Headliner Lilibeth Helson!

Our lineup for Gays and Dolls this coming Sunday night, November 18, includes the charming "me" as your host, along with Bev Owen, Mary Strong, Loren Kraut, Morgan, featured performers Ryan Kasmier and Dana Lovecchio and headliner Lilibeth Helson. Holy crap, that is one rockin' lineup! If I weren't hosting this show, I'd PAY to get in!

Gays and Dolls plays at 7 pm at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), SF. Tix are $8, available at 415/921-2051; click here to purchase online.

Gays and Dolls - don't miss it!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Tivo Desperate Housewives, Gays and Dolls is the Place to Be!


Come out and see Gays and Dolls this Sunday evening, November 11, 7 pm at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street (between Post and Geary), 7th floor, SF. This week’s show is hosted by Ryan Kasmier, and features Kelly McCarron (The Unladylike Tour), and Marty Grimes (2nd Place, Rooster T. Feathers 2007 Comedy Competition, and a hunka-hunka-burnin’ gay love to boot), along with Morgan, Mary Strong, Loren Kraut, Bev Owen, Laura Gallegos and ME!

Tix are $8. Reserve at 415/921-2051 or just show up. 18+, BYOB for 21+

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

From the 2004 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, (Mark Knopfler playing lead guitar on the left?), Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, Dhani Harrison and Prince honoring inductee, the late George Harrison, with a smokin' version of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." Prince takes over towards the end and it is truly something to behold. I attended the first two R&R Hall of Fame events, in 1986 and 1987, way back when I was managing Tower Records in New York City, and seeing this sort of makes me miss my rock and roll life. Those were fun times. These are fun times now, too. Enjoy.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Apple Fell REALLY Far From The Tree


Pictured on the right, above, is Lucie Arnaz, the fabulously untalented daughter of the late Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. At left is her younger brother, Desi Arnaz, Jr., who has achieved the near-impossible feat of being even less talented than his sister. They each have lots and lots of money. Now, isn't that special?!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Reviews Are In, Ann Coulter Hates Gays and Dolls, and We Couldn't Be Happier!

Come out and see Gays and Dolls this Sunday evening, November 11, 7 pm at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street (between Post and Geary), 7th floor, SF. This week’s show is hosted by Ryan Kasmier, and features Kelly McCarron (The Unladylike Tour), Marty Grimes (2nd Place, Rooster T. Feathers 2007 Comedy Competition, and a hunka-hunka-burnin’ gay love to boot) and headliner Debbie Campo (Finalist, America’s Funniest Mom Competition; Host, Naked Comedy). Also on the bill are Morgan, Mary Strong, and ME!

Tix are $8. Reserve in advance at 415/921-2051 or buy online here:

We had a good crowd last Sunday night for our first show. If you were there, you know it rocked! Thanks to Bev Owen, Veronica Porras, Ryan Kasmier, Amy Klaas, Katie Compa, Loren Kraut, Dhaya Lakshminarayanan and headliner Sandy Stec for poppin’ the Gays and Dolls cherry – we are properly inaugurated.

Tell your friends. Bring groups for special discounts (contact me in advance so I’ll know you’re coming.) We are the ONLY comedy club in San Francisco that provides a weekly venue for female and gay male comics – and we’re gonna make you laugh!

Gays and Dolls - it's the hottest ticket in town, and don’t forget my offer – bring Eric Balfour and get in free, forever!

Thank you for supporting live comedy.

Kenny A.

Here's a great pic - of me - circa 1973, future gay, all dolled up to go and see Elton John at Madison Square Garden!

Monday, November 05, 2007

One Person, Many Lives


Johtje Vos, Who Saved Wartime Jews, Dies at 97

By DENNIS HEVESI

Johtje Vos, a Dutch woman who with her husband hid three dozen Jews in their home during World War II, shepherding them through a tunnel under the backyard and into the woods whenever the Gestapo pounded on the door, died on Oct. 10 in Saugerties, N.Y. She was 97, and had lived in Woodstock from 1951 until a year ago.

Her death was confirmed by her daughter Barbara Moorman.

During the war years, Mrs. Vos and her husband, Aart, lived in a three-bedroom house on a dead-end road in the town of Laren in the Netherlands, with acres of forest behind it. Mr. Vos, who died in 1990, grew up in Laren and knew every stream and field in the area. That allowed him to lead Jews through the woods to the house at night and back into the woods when the Nazis were coming. Each time a German raid was imminent, a sympathetic Dutch police chief in Laren, a friend of the Voses, would dial their phone, let it ring twice, hang up, then repeat the code.

In all, 36 people were saved by the Voses, with as many as 14 hiding in their home at any one time after the German invasion of the Netherlands in May 1940.

Evelyn Loeb Garfinkel and her mother, Ilse Loeb, were among the three dozen.

“If Johtje hadn’t done what she did, my mother wouldn’t have survived and I wouldn’t be alive,” Mrs. Garfinkel, of Delmar, N.Y., told The Times Union of Albany after attending Mrs. Vos’s funeral on Oct. 16.

Mr. and Mrs. Vos resisted the notion that they had done something out of the ordinary. Interviewed for the 1992 book “Rescuers: Portraits of Moral Courage in the Holocaust,” by Gay Block and Malka Drucker (Holmes & Meier), Mrs. Vos said, “I want to say right away that the words ‘hero’ and ‘righteous gentile’ are terribly misplaced.”

“I don’t feel righteous,” said Mrs. Vos, who, like her husband, was a member of the Dutch Reformed Church, “and we are certainly not heroes, because we didn’t sit at the table when the misery started and say, ‘O.K., now we are going to risk our lives to save some people.’ ”

It started one night in 1942 when a Jewish couple asked to be sheltered for just that night as they ran from the Germans. Soon after, another friend asked them to keep a suitcase containing valuables before he was sent to a ghetto.

The Voses were surprised to discover that their friend was Jewish. “We never talked about Jews,” Mrs. Vos recalled. “They were all just Dutch, that’s all.”

A 3-year-old boy, Mark de Klijn, was later taken in by Mr. and Mrs. Vos as his parents faced deportation. Word filtered through the Jewish community, and other escapees began seeking shelter. Soon, mattresses covered the floor. Unless they were trying to flee even farther, the guests would never leave the house.

Except when the phone rang twice, then twice again. Then Mr. Vos would lead them into a shed attached to the back of the house, down through a camouflaged trapdoor under a coal bin and into a 150-foot tunnel through which they would crawl before slipping into the woods.

Every time the Gestapo came, Mrs. Vos said, “I would take questions from them and lie and lie and lie.”

Johanna (she preferred the nickname Johtje, pronounced YO-tya) Kuyper was born on Dec. 29, 1909, in Amersfoort, the Netherlands, the second of three daughters of Guillaume and Henrietta Storm van Leeuwen Kuyper. Her father, a retired army officer, was the mayor of Amersfoort. Her grandfather Abraham Kuyper had been prime minister of the Netherlands from 1901 to 1905.

As a young woman, Johanna Kuyper went to Paris to work as a freelance journalist, “which was a scandalous thing at the time,” she said. There, she married a young German artist, Heinrich Molenaar, who hated Hitler, she said. The couple left France and moved into the family-owned house in Laren, where their two children were born: Mrs. Moorman, of Glenford, N.Y., and Hetty Crews, who died in 2001. The marriage ended in divorce.

In 1942, Johanna Kuyper and Aart Vos were married. They had four sons, three of whom survive: Dominique, of Woodstock; John, of Saugerties; and Sebastian, of the Netherlands. Their son Peter died in 1973. Mrs. Vos is also survived by 15 grandchildren and 15 great-grandchildren.

As far as Mrs. Vos’s children are concerned, they have another sibling: Moana Hilfman Brinkman, of Amsterdam.

When Mr. and Mrs. Vos were living in the house in Laren, they regularly beseeched Moana Hilfman’s parents to take refuge with them. The Hilfmans refused.

“They said: ‘We are Jews. This is our fate,’ ” Mrs. Vos once recalled. “I begged them to at least let me take their 3-year-old daughter, Moana.”

Only on the night that the Gestapo came did the Hilfmans hand over their daughter to a friend, who spirited her to the Vos home.

“She lived with us for years after the war,” Mrs. Moorman said on Friday. “We consider her our sister.”

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen, Let the Christmas Tunes Begin!

This time of year, I love identifying myself as a nice Jewish boy who absolutely loves rock and roll Christmas music (not to mention good ol' black gospel as well.)

Let's start the season off right, with the woman who has never sung a bad note in her life, my dear friend Darlene Love, singing one of the greatest rock and roll Christmas songs of all time, "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"

Enjoy yourselves - life is good, comedy and music are gooder.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Where the Name of this Blog Originated

Check this video of "Little Pony" by The Pointer Sisters, 1974, specifically about 2:30 in.

A little bit of listening with a passable ear will get an awful lot of messages anywhere. Ain't that the plain truth?!

See A Comedy Show, Don't Get Shot!


Documented research shows that no President of the United States has ever been shot to death in a comedy club or while listening to a comic promote himself on the radio. A theater? Yes. A motorcade? Yes (too soon?) A train station? Yes. The Temple of Music in Buffalo, New York? Sadly, yes.

Stay safe this weekend by taking refuge in San Francisco's finest comedy club, The Clubhouse, on the seventh floor at 414 Mason Street (between Geary and Post). I promise to make you laugh, as will the other amazing comics on the bills.

Here's my schedule for this weekend - one show is all I ask! Tix available at the door or at respective Web links.

1. Saturday, November 3, 6 pm - New Faces of Comedy at The Clubhouse - the best and the brightest of San Francisco's up and coming comics. $5 at the door.

2. Saturday, November 3, 9 pm - Naked Comedy at The Clubhouse with host Debbie Campo and headliner Aundre the Wonderwoman. $10 at the door or in advance at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/15145/

3. Saturday night/Sunday morning, November 3/4, 2 am (the second 1 am due to time change), KGO Radio, 810 AM, with John Rothmann. Call in at 415/808-0810.

3. Sunday, November 4, 7 pm - Gays and Dolls. This is the premiere of a weekly show that will feature female and gay male comics. I am hosting this show and will alternate hosting duties with Ryan Kasmier. Features and headliners our first week include Loren Kraut, Dhaya Lakshminarayanan, and Sandy Stec. $8 at the door or in advance at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/22403/

Thanks for coming out to enjoy live comedy, and give yourselves a pat on the back for keeping yourselves safe!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Bring Eric Balfour, Get In Free!


Sundays just got a whole lot funnier and a whole lot more fabulous as well.

Gays and Dolls, a weekly comedy open mic/pro showcase featuring female and gay male comics, premieres Sunday, November 4, at 7 pm at the San Francisco Comedy College Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), San Francisco. Tix are a mere $8. $8?! Wow! That is 21st century comedy at 20th century prices! For advance ticket sales or to make reservations, call The Clubhouse at 415/921-2051 or purchase online at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/22403/.

CREATIVE MARKETING PLOY: BRING ERIC BALFOUR TO THE NOVEMBER 4 SHOW OR ANY SUBSEQUENT GAYS AND DOLLS SHOW, AND PAY NO ADMISSION FEE - EVER!

I will be hosting the first show, and then alternating hosting duties each week with the very funny and freakingly fabulous Ryan Kasmier.

Our first show features Dhaya Lakshminarayanan, Loren Kraut, and headliner Sandy Stec. Coming up November 11 - headliner Debbie Campo!

Come on out on Sunday nights - we're starting early so we can get you home early - and get some laughs in before the start of your workweek. You'll be glad you did.

Oy! What a Gal!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Gays and Dolls Premieres One Week from Tonight!

Gays and Dolls, a weekly comedy open mic/pro showcase featuring female and gay male comics, premieres Sunday, November 4, at 7 pm at the San Francisco Comedy College Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), San Francisco. Tix are a mere $8. $8?! Wow! That is 21st century comedy at 20th century prices! For advance ticket sales or to make reservations, call The Clubhouse at 415/921-2051 or purchase online at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/22403/.

I will be hosting the first show, and then alternating hosting duties each week with the very funny and freakingly fabulous Ryan Kasmier.

Our first show features Dhaya Lakshminarayanan, Loren Kraut, and headliner Sandy Stec. Coming up November 11 - headliner Debbie Campo!

Sundays just got a whole lot funnier and a whole lot more fabulous as well. Come on out on Sunday nights - we're starting early so we can get you home early - and get some laughs in before the start of your workweek. You won't be sorry.


Monday, October 22, 2007

Gays and Dolls - It's HOT, HOT, HOT!



Hey, Comedy Friends and Lovers!

“Gays and Dolls,” a weekly combination open mic/showcase featuring female and gay male comics, will debut on Sunday, November 4 at the SFCC Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, SF (between Geary and Post). Show time is at 7 pm and we don’t expect to run much longer than 90 minutes, 2 hours at most, so you’ll still be home at a reasonable hour to rest up for your upcoming work week. Tix are $8, available at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/22403/. Yes, that’s right, only $8. That’s 21st century comedy at 20th century prices!

I will be alternating hosting duties with my good friend and fellow fab-man Ryan Kasmier.

Our first show will feature the comedy stylings of Bev Owen, Veronica Porras, Amy Klaas, Ryan Kasmier, Loren Kraut, Dhaya Lak, and headliner Sandy Stec.

THIS IS EXCITING! The Clubhouse will now be operating four nights a week. Tell your friends and come on down and support this freakingly fabulous new show!

Keep well, stay funny, and thanks for your support!

Kenny A.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

"Gays and Dolls" Premieres Sunday, November 4 at the SFCC Clubhouse!

Hey, Comedy Friends and Lovers!

“Gays and Dolls,” a weekly combination open mic/showcase featuring female and gay male comics, will debut on Sunday, November 4 at the SFCC Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, SF (between Geary and Post). Show time is at 7 pm and we don’t expect to run much longer than 90 minutes, 2 hours at most, so you’ll still be home at a reasonable hour to rest up for your upcoming work week. Tix are $8, available at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/22403/. Yes, that’s right, only $8. That’s 21st century comedy at 20th century prices!

I will be alternating hosting duties with my good friend and fellow fab-man Ryan Kasmier.

THIS IS EXCITING! The Clubhouse will now be operating four nights a week. Tell your friends and come on down and support this freakingly fabulous new show!

Keep well, stay funny, and thanks for your support!

Kenny A.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Schmuck

Schmuck - noun - One deficient in judgment and good sense: ass, fool, idiot, imbecile, jackass, mooncalf, moron, nincompoop, ninny, nitwit, simple, simpleton, softhead, tomfool. Informal dope, gander, goose. Slang cretin, ding-dong, dip, goof, jerk, nerd, schmo, turkey.




(10-12) 19:02 PDT SACRAMENTO, (AP) --


Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger on Friday carried out his promise to continue to veto gay marriage bills.


The Republican governor turned down a measure by Assemblyman Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, that would have lifted the state's ban on same-sex marriages by defining marriage as a union between two persons, not just a man and a woman.


Schwarzenegger vetoed a similar Leno bill in 2005.


The governor announced in February that he would veto this year's version if it reached his desk and said last month that he would keep turning down such bills as long as lawmakers kept sending them to him.


"It would be wrong for the people to vote for something and for me to then overturn it," Schwarzenegger said in September, referring to voters' approval of Proposition 22 in 2000. "So they can send this bill down as many times as they want, I won't do it."


Proposition 22 was intended to prevent California from recognizing gay marriages performed in other states or countries.


In his veto message, Schwarzenegger said voters and the state Supreme Court should decide the issue. The high court is likely to rule next year on whether California's ban on gay marriages violates the constitution.


The governor said voters "should then determine what, if any, statutory changes are needed in response to the court's ruling."


Geoff Kors, executive director of Equality California, a gay rights group, said the veto was "hypocrisy at its worst."


"We find it shocking for the governor to say he opposes discrimination based on sexual orientation and then veto a bill that would have ended discrimination based on sexual orientation," Kors said.


Schwarzenegger said in his veto message that all Californians are entitled to full protection under the law "and should not be discriminated against based upon their sexual orientation."


He said he supports state laws that give domestic partners many of the rights and responsibilities of marriage.


Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez, D-Los Angeles, said the bill was a basic extension of fairness and that he was disappointed the governor had vetoed it.


"I firmly believe the day will come soon when California law is on the right side of this issue and the right side of history," he said. "The California Assembly will continue working to make that happen."

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Kenny Altman, Clubhouse, 10/13/07

My first time on stage in almost two weeks, and it was fun. Thanks for watching, enjoy!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Thank You, Dear Abby - and thanks to the press for not printing the opinion of an anti-gay wack-job in the interest of so-called "balanced reporting"


'Dear Abby' says she's for gay marriage

By LISA LEFF, Associated Press WriterWed Oct 10, 7:53 AM ET

For years, rumblings have surfaced on the Internet, conjecture about her casual references to "sexual orientation" and "respect."

Now, Dear Abby is ready to say it flatly: She supports same-sex marriage.

"I believe if two people want to commit to each other, God bless 'em," the syndicated advice columnist told The Associated Press. "That is the highest form of commitment, for heaven's sake."

What Jeanne Phillips, aka Abigail Van Buren, finds offensive and misguided are homophobic jokes, phrases like "That's so gay," and parents who reject or try to reform their children when they come out of the closet.

Her views are the reason she's being honored this week by Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, a national advocacy group that provides support for gay people and their families. The original Abby, Phillips' 89-year-old mother, Pauline, helped put PFLAG on the map in 1984 when she first referred a distraught parent to the organization.

Jeanne Phillips, who formally took over the column when her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease five years ago, has continued plugging the group, as well as its affiliate for parents with children who identify as transgender, and a suicide hot line aimed at gay teenagers.

"I'm trying to tell kids if they are gay, it's OK to be gay. I've tried to tell families if they have a gay family member to accept them and love them as they always have," she said Friday.

PFLAG director Jody Huckaby said Abby is the perfect choice for the first "Straight for Equality" award, part of the group's new campaign to engage more heterosexuals as allies.

"She is such a mainstream voice," Huckaby said. "If Dear Abby is talking about it, it gives other people permission to talk about it."

Alert "Dear Abby" readers may have noticed that the youthful attitude Phillips promised to bring to the column includes a decidedly gay-friendly take on most matters.

In a March 2005 column that touched a nerve with some readers, for instance, Phillips came down unequivocally on the side of scientists who say sexual orientation is a matter of genetics, not personal choice. She advised a mother who had cautioned her 14-year-old daughter to keep her feelings for other girls secret to "come to terms with your own feelings about homosexuality."

Last year, addressing a groom whose gay brother refused to serve as best man or even attend the wedding because he did not have the right to marry, she made it clear her sympathies lay with the boycotting brother.

"Accepting the status quo is not always the best thing to do," she wrote. "Women were once considered chattel, and slavery was regarded as sanctioned in the Bible. However, western society grew to recognize that neither was just. Canada, Belgium, the Netherlands and Spain have recognized gay marriage, and one day, perhaps, our country will, too."

Phillips, who lives in Los Angeles, said she isn't worried that aligning herself with gay rights advocates will cause newspapers to censor or cancel the column, which appears in about 1,400 newspapers.

Her outspokenness on gay rights issues has never caused a strong backlash, said Kathie Kerr, a spokeswoman for Universal Press Syndicate, which distributes the column. It's possible some editors choose not to run the segments dealing with homosexuality, but if so they have not complained to the syndicate, Kerr said.

"We get brouhahas all the time, and they haven't been about Dear Abby," Kerr said.

Phillips realizes not everyone agrees with her on gay rights; she and her husband "argue about this continually," she said. He thinks civil unions and domestic partnerships "would be less threatening to people who feel marriage is just a religious rite." She thinks anything less than full marriage amounts to second-class citizenship.

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion," said Phillips, who speaks with the no-nonsense tone of someone who is used to settling debates.

Right now, Abby, as Phillips prefers to be called, is working on a reply to a woman who wanted to know whether she should include childhood photographs of her transgender brother-in-law in a family album. The woman is worried what she will tell her children when they see pictures of their uncle as a little girl.

Phillips' guidance to Worried Reader will be simple, she said: Include the photos, of course. Silence is the enemy. Answer any questions the kids have honestly — Uncle John was born with a body of the wrong sex, so even when he was called Jane he was really John inside.

Phillips said that while it might be tempting to devote an entire column to why she thinks jokes invoking homosexual slurs are in poor taste, she does not plan to spell out her views on gay marriage in print any more directly than she has already.

"If they are my readers, they know how I feel on the subject," she said. "I don't think I'm a flaming radical. I'm for civility in life. I'm for treating each other with respect, trying to do the best you can."

Monday, October 08, 2007

Women Who Could Turn Me, Part 3 of 3


Gena Rowlands.

Thanks to those of you who sent in your guesses. Some really good guesses there, among them Diane Keaton (probably in my top 10) and Goldie Hawn (too much cosmetic surgery).

Really, really bad guesses and I may never speak with you again - Bea Arthur (sorry, I like my men manly and my women womanly), and Barbara Bush (holy crap hasn't that bitch brought this world enough trouble already through her sexual proclivities?!)

All in fun, have a great day, keep laughing.

Kenny A.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

David Letterman-Paris Hilton-Sept-28-2007-txtshirt.com

Only David Letterman could make this this good. Enjoy!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Test Your Gaydar With The Five Stairsteps


This is a picture of The Five Stairsteps, an American Chicago soul group made up five of Betty and Clarence Burke Sr.'s six children: Alohe, Jean, Clarence Jr., James, Dennis, and Kenneth "Keni", and briefly, Cubie. They are best known for the 1970 song "Ooh Child," listed #392 on Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.

According to their biography, Chicago Soul by Robert Pruter, published in 1992, one of the Stairsteps turned out gay. Using this picture as your guide, can you guess which Stairstep it might have been?

I swear you were born a weaver's lover...


...born for the loom's desire.

This is what happens when Kennedys grow old...


Eunice Kennedy Shriver (1921- )

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Sukkot - The Festival of Booths - Day 3


Booth Tarkington.
Newton Booth Tarkington (July 29, 1869 – May 19, 1946) was an American novelist and dramatist best known for his Pulitzer Prize-winning novels The Magnificent Ambersons and Alice Adams.

Friday, September 28, 2007

The Courage of Mayor Jerry Sanders



Wow.

Sukkot - The Festival of Booths - Day 2


John Wilkes Booth, Edwin Booth and Junius Brutus Booth, Jr. in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar in 1864.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Women Who Could Turn Me, Part 2 of 3


Cybill Shepherd. No one has guessed correctly. #3 will be posted next week. Here's a hint - she's an actress, she's blonde, and she's over 60 (yes, I said it, over 60).

Good week, good Sukkot to all,

Kenny A.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

No Comment


Marcel Marceau (March 22, 1923 – September 22, 2007

Marcel Marceau was born in Strasbourg, France. At 16, his Jewish family was forced to flee their home when France entered the Second World War. He later joined Charles de Gaulle's Free French Forces and, because of his excellent English, worked as a liaison officer with General Patton's army. His father, a kosher butcher, was arrested by the Gestapo and murdered in Auschwitz concentration camp.

Marceau was a well-known mime, among the most popular representatives of this art form world-wide. He was said to be "single-handedly responsible for reviving the art of mime after World War II."

He performed all over the world in order to spread the "art of silence" (L'art du silence).

Friday, September 21, 2007

Heterosexuals Flaunting Themselves in Public


Rudy Giuliani, or as I like to call him, Rudy FUCKING Giuliani, just took a cell phone call from his wife (planned, I'm sure) during a talk in front of the National Rifle Association (aka the National FUCKING Rifle Association) to show how devoted he is to her. (Probably about as devoted as he was to his first wife when he was fucking around with Donna Hanover behind her back (Giuliani and Hanover lived together while he was still married to said wife); probably about as devoted he was to Hanover when, during their marriage, he was fucking around serially, first with Cristyne Lategano and then with Judith Nathan.)

If we had a gay candidate, would this happen? No, and I'll tell you why - because we are secure enough in our relationships and in our sexuality that we don't need to flaunt - or prove- anything in public. And of course, no, because a gay candidate wouldn't stoop so low as to kiss the NRA's ass. Period, case closed.

Rudy FUCKING Giuliani, indeed.

Kenny Altman at Hump Day Comedy 9/19/07

Two people in the audience, from Finland no less, plus about 12 comics. More a workshop than an open mic. Thanks for watching, enjoy!

P.S. Gamar tov, Shabbat shalom.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Women Who Could Turn Me, Part 1 of 3


Sally Field. Tune in to this blog a week from today for #2 of 3 or - if you think you know me well enough - guess the next two. The winner will get a special prize from me (probably of no monetary value).

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Tonight's Show is Free! (9/16/07)


I am hosting Comedy and More at the SF Playhouse, Stage 2, 533 Sutter Street, tonight at 8:30 PM. This is normally a $20 ticket show with an opportunity for two-fers, but tonight’s show is free! Wow!

This is a great show in a great theatre – come and see me, Adam McLaughlin, Lynn Ruth Miller, Tony Sparks, and Sean McMahon rip the place up (and put it back together before we leave so we can get paid)!

Kenny A.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead!



Megachurch Leader D. James Kennedy Dies

MIAMI - Self-professed heterosexual the Rev. D. James Kennedy, an evil, hateful, narrow-minded broadcaster and megachurch pastor whose fiercely conservative worldview helped fuel the rise of the religious right in American politics, died Wednesday. He was 76 years old, and he was as unenlightened on the day he died as he was the day he was born. Pity. The man had 76 years to get it right, and apparently never did.

Kennedy, who referred to homosexuality as not a lifestyle but rather a death style, died at his home in Fort Lauderdale from complications of a heart attack he suffered on Dec. 28, according to Cousin Oliver (below), a spokesman for Kennedy's Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church. He had not been seen publicly since the heart attack, and his retirement was announced August 26 from a flogging bench at the Dore Alley Fair in San Francisco.

Kennedy's voice and face were known to millions through radio and television broadcasts, condemning homosexuality and abortion as assaults on the traditional family, usually while carrying a rhinestone-studded Hello Kitty clutch purse and shrieking "you like me, you really like me!"

Kennedy dropped out of college to become an Arthur Murray dance instructor, but eventually returned to earn multiple degrees, including a doctorate from New York University. He met his future wife, the former Anne Lewis, while teaching dance. He often wore her underwear at private and public events and at the time of his death was in negotiations to open a chain of discount clothing stores for transvestites, to be named "Cross Dress for Less."

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

CORRECTION RE: Sundays in SF, Mondays in Pleasanton


I’m going to be hosting “Comedy and More” at the SF Playhouse, Stage 2, 533 Sutter Street, SF, 2nd floor every Sunday this month. This is a great show in a great theatre and features me plus three other comics + either a magician or a juggler (hence the “more”). Shows are 8:30 pm Sundays 9/9, 9/16, 9/23 and 9/30. Tix are $20 but print out this e-mail and bring it with you for two-for-one tix! You can usually find two-for-one tix at goldstarevents.com as well.

This was originally listed as Shelton Theater. Address is the same, just different room in the same building, 533 Sutter Street.

I’m also going to do the open mic at Tommy T’s in Pleasanton this coming Monday, 9/10. It begins at 7:30 PM. Free admission. Good food, good drink, and some really good comics (and a couple of really, really bad ones!)

Come on down and have some laughs!

Love,

Kenny A.

A Voice That Comes Along Once In A Lifetime - RIP

Luciano Pavarotti (October 12, 1935 - September 6, 2007)

Monday, September 03, 2007

Another Pretty Face, Hearts on Fire '07

The greatest glam-rock band of the 70s reunited in NYC and NJ in May of '07, and it was as good as it was 30 years ago. If the drummer looks familiar, it's Tico Torres who went on from Another Pretty Face to be the drummer for another fairly well-known New Jersey band, Bon Jovi. Enjoy!

Stevie Wonder - Blowin' in the Wind (Live)

This is 9 minutes long and well-worth sitting through. It's amazing, to say the least, and so is Stevie.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Erev Labor Day at The Shelton Theatre

I'll be in the show "Comedy and More" at the Shelton Theatre, 533 Sutter, SF, on Sunday night September 2 (Erev Labor Day). Show begins at 8:30 PM.

This is a great show, in a great theatre! Come on down and have some laughs!

Thanks for your support!

Kenny A.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

You Poor, Sad, Troubled Man


A defiant Sen. Larry Craig denied any wrongdoing Tuesday despite his guilty plea this summer in a men's room police sting, emphatically adding, "I am not gay. I have never been gay."

In other news, a spokesman for the NAACP denied reports that the late James Brown was black, Pat Boone denied being white, and Joan Rivers denied allegations that she has had cosmetic surgery.

Oh, Mr. Craig, you poor, sad, troubled man.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition and More


Come see me on Sunday, August 26, at 3 pm at the SFCC's Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition at The Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, SF. $10. Info/tix at 415/921-2051. I'm very excited about this show as this entire weekend marks the one-year anniversary of the first time I took to the stage to share my comedic world view from the perspective of a gay, religious, rock and roll Jew. It's been quite a journey, and I want to thank all of you who have encouraged, supported, and participated with me over the past year. Just think - one year ago this weekend, I was telling jokes about Mel Gibson. This weekend, you can see me tell jokes about Michael Vick - my, how I've grown as an artist! :)

Later that same night, I'll be in the Comedy and More showcase at the Jean Shelton Theatre at 533 Sutter. Show starts at 8:30 pm and features a whole bunch of really, really funny people including Tony Sparks, Nick Leonard and Joe Nguyen. Come on down and have some laughs! $15.

On Monday night I'll be at the open mic at Tommy T's, 5104 Hopyard Road, Pleasanton. Show starts at 7:30. Come and watch me rock Pleasanton!

Having fun making people laugh...

Kenny A.

Here's Another Greatest Hits Collection That's Hard To Beat


(side one)
1. Rainy Day Women #12 and 35
2. Blowin' In The Wind
3. The Times They Are A-Changin'
4. It Ain't Me Babe
5. Like A Rolling Stone
(side two)
6. Mr. Tambourine Man
7. Subterranean Homesick Blues
8. I Want You
9. Positive 4th Street
10. Just Like A Woman

Thursday, August 23, 2007

A Greatest Hits Collection Doesn't Get Much Better Than This


(side one)
1. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
2. The Last Time
3. As Tears Go By
4. Time Is On My Side
5. It's All Over Now
6. Tell Me (You're Coming Back)
(side two)
7. 19th Nervous Breakdown
8. Heart Of Stone
9. Get Off Of My Cloud
10. Not Fade Away
11. Good Times, Bad Times
12. Play With Fire

Any questions?

Monday, August 20, 2007

Here, There, and Everywhere

Here I am for the next few weeks - come and see me make people laugh! (I don't know how I do it, but somehow I do.)

Monday, August 20, 8 pm - Comedy Showcase at The Chieftain, 198 5th Street, SF, with Joe Nguyen, Cara Tramontono, Scott Fell, Laura Gallegos, Daymon Ferguson, and featuring Sal Calanni. $6, plus they serve food.

Saturday, August 25, 6 pm - New Faces of Comedy at The Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, SF. $5.

Sunday, August 26, 3 pm - Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition at The Clubhouse. $10.

Wednesday, September 5, 8 pm - Hosting at Destinations, 2650 Broadway Street, Redwood City. Free.

Saturday, September 8, 9 pm - Naked Comedy Pro Showcase at The Clubhouse with headliner Kris Tinkle. $10.

Wednesday, September 19, 8 pm. Destinations.

Wednesday, October 10, 8 pm. Destinations.

Thanks for your support and your laughs!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Is This A Cool Town, or What?!


Marquee, Bridge Theatre, 3010 Geary Blvd., SF, CA, Thursday, August 16, 2007

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Bonds Ball Ready To Be Auctioned Off - Right Here, Right Now!

I have the Bonds ball, and I am ready to auction it off.

Many have claimed to be, but I am the true owner of the Bonds ball. I am ready to auction it off. Starting bid is $100. Send your bid to me at my myspace page (link at right).

This is the official, authentic Bonds ball. Do not accept any imitations. This is the ball that Mary Bond (sometimes known as Bonds) Davis used during a performance of Hairspray at the August Wilson Theatre in New York on January 25, 2003. I was in the audience, and when she threw the ball out that night after the “school volleyball game” scene, I caught it. I have held on to it ever since, knowing that one day it would be valuable.

It’s yours for $100 or more. Bids will be accepted through 12 noon, Sunday, August 19, 2007.

Here’s a picture of Mary:


Here’s a picture of the ball:


Here’s a picture of the ball, on drugs:



Here is a picture of Sarah Bond Davis with her husband and children, circa early 1870s, Sofala/Portland, NSW Australia. Probably no relation to Mary Bond Davis, but you never know.





Happy bidding!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Sports Fans Behaving Badly


(08-07) 23:31 PDT -- Once again, the polite disagreement over who exactly is the rightful owner of one of Mr. Bonds baseballs produced blood, bruises and bedlam.

Somebody ended up with the ball and, apparently, he fled the ballpark as quickly as he could.

Once again, it seemed that just about everyone in the center field bleachers either touched the ball, almost touched the ball, might have touched the ball, or was touching someone who was touching the ball.

The arrival of the baseball with a secret mark set off a wicked scramble that could have passed for a goal line stand or the attack on Little Round Top.

When the big moment came, the ball flew into the third row of bleacher section 144. That's where Scott Johnson of Oakley was standing with three friends, who had agreed before the game on a four-way split of the proceeds from the ball if any one of them caught it.

Johnson said he got shoved by his friend, Brian Herman of Sacramento. Herman said he felt the ball glance off his fingertips.

"If I would have had a glove on tonight, I would have caught it,'' Herman said.

Before the game, a friend of Herman had offered him a glove, but he turned it down.

Randy Finley of Mountain View, just behind Johnson, said he touched the ball, too. Then he watched in horror as a woman got knocked over and her husband disappeared into the scrum, leaving their 4-year-old son to cower with his teddy bear. Finley said he never found out who they were but that it did not appear to be the pinnacle of responsible parenting.

Meanwhile, the ball was tipped from row 3, to row 4, to row 5. A fellow named Bryant Toth of San Francisco said he had "three fingers on the ball'' before he lost it. He did not come away empty, however. For his efforts, he wound up with a cut on his right shin.

And then the ball struck the ground and a guy in a New York Mets jersey plopped down on it and wouldn't budge, while one fan after another tried to pull the ball away from him.

Some people pushed others to get to him. There was shoving, elbowing and possibly worse.

Security guards and cops showed up and began pulling children away from the grown-ups who were doing battle.


"Who has the ball, who has the ball, who has the ball?'' the guards were hollering.

Then the security people dug into the pile, grabbed the guy in the Mets jersey and spirited him away. About six guards and cops escorted him in a phalanx worthy of a prince or potentate.

One woman, Amanda Nunez, a season ticket holder from San Francisco, admitted that she tried to pull the ball from the guy in the Mets jersey.

"I was holding on to his arm, I was trying to get the ball,'' she said.

After failing, she was thrown back in the scuffle and bumped her head, leaving her with a headache. She was one of about half a dozen fans injured in the scuffle, mostly with bruises, along with Toth's bloody shin.

Nunez said she ended up holding a flip-flop that she believes belongs to the guy in the Mets jersey. It wasn't the ball, but it was something. Maybe, she said, it was even a collector's item.

"Maybe, but that's kind of gross,'' she said.

About two hours later, a spokesman for the Giants said all that was known about the man with the ball was that his name was Matt Murphy, 22, of Queens, N.Y., and that he had purchased a ticket to the game on a whim. He was in San Francisco on his way to Australia, where he was headed Tuesday night.

It was not known what Murphy had done with the ball or what he plans to do with it, although money is probably involved.

There was plenty of heartbreak to go around. One young fan, 15-year-old Mark Jackson of Philadelphia, said he was sure he was the guy with the ball. But Jackson had fallen for the fake ball trick -- during big home run scrambles, mischievous fans are known to toss other balls into the area to watch the resulting chaos.

Jackson picked up one of the fake balls, stuffed it into his pants and then headed below the bleachers to consult with security guards, who broke the bad news.

If Jackson had inspected the ball, the guard pointed out, he would have seen it was marked "CIAC'' -- which stands for the Connecticut Interscholastic Athletic Conference, not generally known as the supplier of major league baseballs.

The rest of section 144 was aghast at the spectacle of the ball scuffle.

"Fists were flying, elbows were flying, people were digging, swinging, pulling on stuff, nobody cared about anything,'' said Chris Goelkel of San Francisco. "It was madness.''

Alan Azem of San Mateo said, "It got to the point where people pushed other people just to get on him.''

"They were pushing grandmothers to the floor,'' said Susan Kitchens of Campbell. "I was just trying to get away from it.''

Monday, August 06, 2007

Is This Totally Cool, Or What?!

(Click to make it bigger.)

Why The F**k Is This News?!


Yao Ming Marries Girlfriend in Shanghai
BEIJING - Yao Ming married his long-term girlfriend Monday at a swanky hotel in his hometown of Shanghai. Yao, the Houston Rockets' star center, tied the knot with Ye Li, a 6-foot-2 player on the Chinese women's basketball team in a ceremony at the Shangri-La Hotel, sina.com reported.