We Have Lost A Great American

Lady Bird Johnson Dies
Former First Lady Was Known for Her Conservation Work
July 11, 2007 —

Lady Bird Johnson, the former first lady known for her environmental conservation and landscape beautification efforts, died today. She was 94.

The widow of former President Lyndon Baines Johnson, had suffered a stroke in 2002 that left her with difficulty speaking.

She is survived by her adult children, Lynda Bird Robb, wife of former Virginia Sen. Chuck Robb, Luci Baines Turpin, and seven grandchildren.

Born Claudia Alta Taylor, "Lady Bird" Johnson grew up in a country mansion in Karnack, Texas. As a child, a family nurse declared she was as "pretty as a ladybird." The nickname stuck.

Although Lady Bird Johnson lived much of her life in the shadow of one of the most powerful men of the 20th century, she played a pivotal role in some of the nation's most turbulent years.


Became First Lady After Kennedy's Assassination
Lyndon Baines Johnson became the 36th president when John F. Kennedy was assassinated on Nov. 22, 1963. Vice President Johnson and his wife were traveling in the motorcade through Dallas, one car behind the Kennedys.

In her 800-page book White House Diary, published in 1970 from the 1,750,000-word daily journal that detailed nearly every aspect of her and her husband's life, Johnson described the aftermath of that fateful day in Texas, the Johnson's home state, and how she tried to comfort Jackie Kennedy.

"I would have given anything to help her and there was nothing I could do to help her," Johnson said.

Johnson asked Kennedy, whose clothes were splattered with the blood of her husband, the slain president, if she could call for someone to assist her.

Johnson reported that Kennedy replied, "'I want them to see what they have done to Jack.'"

"Oh, Mrs. Kennedy," Johnson reportedly said, "You know we never even wanted to be vice president and now, dear God, it's come to this."

You can hear Lady Bird Johnson describe her thoughts and emotions on the day of Kennedy's assassination by clicking here.

The nation's new first lady did her best to ease the painful transition into the White House following the violent murder of President Kennedy.

En route to the funeral, Mrs. Johnson, again as recorded in her diary, said of the crowds filling the streets of Washington, "I wanted to cry for them and with them, but it was impossible to permit the catharsis of tears."

"I don't know why," Johnson continued, "except that one reason is perhaps the continuity of strength demands it."

You can hear Johnson's reflections on Kennedy's funeral by clicking here.


A Life of Independence and Devotion
When she was only 6 years old, Lady Bird lost her mother and was raised by her aunt. As a result, she learned to take care of herself at an early age, owning a Buick and managing a Neiman Marcus account at age 14, during some of the darkest days of the Depression.

Months after her 21st birthday, she graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with a bachelor's degree in art. She stayed an extra year to earn a journalism degree, planning to become a newspaper reporter.

Her plans took another direction in the late summer of 1934 when a friend introduced her to a young Congressional aide named Lyndon Johnson. He proposed to her on the first day they spent together. She declined his offer.

He continued to court her long distance from Washington, D.C., with letters and telephone calls. They wed in November 1934, just seven weeks after their first date.

Their time was largely devoted to Lyndon's political career. Lady Bird helped keep his Congressional office open during World War II when he volunteered for Naval service, and she was actively involved in the campaign for her husband's U.S. Senate seat.

LBJ once said that voters "would happily have elected her over me."

Worried about finances should his political career fail, they invested in radio station KTBC in Austin, which started a multimillion dollar media empire and made the Johnsons wealthy over time.

In 1955, it appeared that Lyndon Johnson, then the powerful Democratic leader of the Senate, might never reach the White House.

Johnson suffered a severe heart attack and Lady Bird helped to manage the staff until he could return to his post as Majority Leader.

During the Kennedy-Johnson 1960 campaign, Lady Bird was on the campaign trail non-stop, traveling 35,000 miles on behalf of the Democratic ticket.

As wife of the vice president under Kennedy, Lady Bird became an ambassador of goodwill, visiting 33 foreign countries.

As the new first lady, she established her own stamp of Southern hospitality on White House social events and built a reputation as a champion of environmental causes.

She immersed herself in efforts to beautify the capital and the nation.

"Ugliness is so grim," Johnson once said. "A little beauty can help create harmony, which will lessen tensions."


A Friend of Nature & Children
Deeply appreciative of America's natural beauty, Johnson recognized the opportunity to start a nationwide revitalization effort that involved restoring and protecting native plant habitats.

In the mid-1960s, she made headlines by planting bulbs and trees along roadsides and parkways and by calling attention to the growing crisis created by habitat and species loss.

She created the First Lady's Committee for a More Beautiful Capital and later expanded her program. Her work in Washington served as an introduction for the first major legislative campaign ever launched by a first lady - the Highway Beautification Act of 1965.

Known as "Lady Bird's Bill," it was the first milestone in a long list of accomplishments that protected the environment and had a dramatic impact on the American landscape.

Mrs. Johnson also took a highly active role in her husband's war-on-poverty program, the Great Society, notably advocating for the Head Start project for disadvantaged preschool children.



A Quiet Retirement
LBJ won his first full term in the White House in the 1964 election. His administration saw passage of major civil rights, anti-poverty, education and health-care legislation as part of the "Great Society" program.

But the escalation of U.S. involvement in the Vietnam War cast a shadow over his term. With nearly 500,000 U.S. troops battling the Viet Cong and North Vietnamese forces in March 1968, Vietnam forced Johnson to abandon thoughts of re-election.

Lady Bird agreed, wanting to retire and live quietly. The couple moved to their L.B.J. Ranch in Texas, where they lived quietly. The former president died in 1973.

Lady Bird Johnson's love for native wildflowers inspired her to create the National Wildflower Research Center in 1982 near Austin, Texas. It was renamed in her honor in 1998.

She remained outspoken on women's rights issues, calling the equal rights amendment, "the right thing to do." She was honored with the country's highest civilian award: the Medal of Freedom in 1977, and was given the Congressional Gold Medal in 1988.

More Of Why I Love Joan Jett So Much

Check out this lyric, which comes in at 2:37 in the song, "Love Like Mine" (although of course you should listen to the entire song!) E-mail me for an MP3 if you want to hear it.

I'm not the girl next door, oh no,
I wake up mean and ornery.
Don't try to make me straight,
you'll see what hell that's gonna be.


Joanie, I loved you then, I love you now, and I always will!

Here's another of my many reasons for loving Joan - www.kennyaltman.blogspot.com/2006/12/why-i-love-joan-jett-so-much.html

July is Busting Out All Over

Saturday, July 7 – New Faces of Comedy at the Clubhouse in SF
Wednesday, July 11 – Hump Day Comedy at the Clubhouse in SF
Wednesday, July 18 – New Talent Showcase at Rooster T. Feather’s, Sunnyvale

This is just a smattering of the many places you’ll be able to see me this month. I am putting an extra big push on the Sunnyvale date. If you can get down there I’d be most appreciative. It’s my first time doing their New Talent Showcase. It’s a great room and I’d love to be able to show them that I’m a “bringer." It's important in this biz and it helps with bookings down the line.

Details on my myspace page at www.myspace.com/kennyaltman

Thanks for coming out to support live comedy and thanks to my crack medical team for continuing to renew and monitor my meds - they work like a charm 94% of the time!

Kenny A.

The Best Thing About The Declaration of Independence...

...is that New Jersey is included! Yo, Jersey! You're the best! You gave us Bruce Springsteen and Lesley Gore! New Jersey will always be my favorite of the 13 colonies. Which was your favorite colony? Send me mail at www.myspace.com/kennyaltman
Remember - you can only vote for one of the following colonies. Winners will be announced July 11, 2007. Let's go, Jersey!

1. New Jersey (pssst, this is the one to vote for!)
2. Massachusetts
3. Rhode Island
4. Connecticut
5. New York
6. Pennsylvania
7. Georgia
8. South Carolina
9. North Carolina
10. Virginia
11. Maryland
12. Delaware
13. New Hampshire

_______________________________________________
In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America.

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands, which have connected them with another, and to assume, among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain Inalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let the Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness of his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

* New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
* Massachusetts: Samuel Adams, John Adams, John Hancock, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
* Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
* Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
* New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
* New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
* Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
* Delaware: George Read, Caesar Rodney, Thomas McKean
* Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
* Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
* North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
* South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
* Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

Say What?!

Ike Turner, from his 2001 autobiography, Taking Back My Name, attempts to refute Tina's claims that she was a victim of domestic abuse at his hand, by saying "Sure, I've slapped Tina... There have been times when I punched her to the ground without thinking. But I never beat her."

Uh, can you run that by me again, real slow?!

Kenny Altman Hosts Naked Comedy 6/23/07

My first time hosting the pro showcase. I think I done good. Thanks for watching, enjoy!

Mika Brzezinski of MNSBC rips Paris report

The word "hero" is often overused. I will use it here when referring to Mika Brzezinski. She is a hero today, to me!

Just when you think it's getting better...

From The New York Times, June 24, 2007

School Officials Black Out Photo of a Gay Student’s Kiss
By MANNY FERNANDEZ

NEWARK, June 23 — It started with a kiss.

Andre Jackson, a senior at East Side High School, leaned over his boyfriend’s shoulder one day several months ago and kissed him on the lips. He took a picture of the smooch with his digital camera.

Like other students, Mr. Jackson later paid $150 to have his own special page of photos in the school yearbook. He decided to include the picture of the kiss, to make not a political statement, but a personal one.

“I didn’t intend to say, ‘Oh hey, look at me, I’m gay,’ ” said Mr. Jackson, 18. “It was just a picture showing my emotion, saying that I’m happy, you know, whatever. It was to look back on as a memory.”

On Thursday evening, when the seniors gathered at a restaurant here for the Senior Banquet, students received the yearbooks they had bought for around $85. But the picture of Mr. Jackson kissing his boyfriend was gone. School officials had blacked it out. Roughly 250 yearbooks were distributed, and all of them had a black-marker splotch covering every inch of the photo.

“I was upset,” Mr. Jackson said. “I was hurt. I felt embarrassed and abused.”

He and another student said the photo was blacked out at the restaurant by several teachers and the principal, Mario Santos, as the yearbooks were being handed out to the seniors when they entered. The other student, Benilde Barroqueiro, said a teacher told her: “It’s not that we want to do this. It’s that we have to do this.”

Saturday, after The Newark Star-Ledger published an article about the controversy, Mr. Jackson’s blacked-out kiss became the subject of debate, outrage and inquiry.

The decision to blot out the photo was made by Marion A. Bolden, the Newark Public Schools superintendent. Ms. Bolden said that an assistant superintendent had alerted her to the picture on Thursday afternoon. “I thought that the photo was suggestive,” Ms. Bolden said.

She said she made her decision without seeing the entire yearbook, and looked at only the one page.

The thin, hardcover yearbook, titled “Take Another Look,” features many pictures of the Class of 2007, including several of heterosexual couples embracing and kissing. On the page immediately opposite Mr. Jackson’s, a young man and a young woman kiss on a couch, his hand on her leg as she sits on his lap.

A New Jersey gay rights group, Garden State Equality, demanded that Ms. Bolden publicly apologize to Mr. Jackson and his boyfriend, David Escobales, 19, of Allentown, Pa. The group is also calling on Ms. Bolden to redistribute the yearbooks with the photo of the kiss included, describing the decision to black out the picture as “homophobic” and “unlawful.”

“The school district’s erasure of this student and his boyfriend is a tragic metaphor of the school district trying to erase the lesbian and gay community from its schools, and we won’t stand for it,” said Steven Goldstein, the chairman and chief executive of Garden State Equality.

Ms. Bolden said she did not intend for the officials’ actions to be taken as anti-gay. “I’m a superintendent that talks about tolerance,” she said. “I don’t have a problem at all.”

She said she felt that the photo was provocative for a high school yearbook, regardless of whether it showed heterosexual or homosexual kissing. But she said it was a decision that was made too quickly and without taking into consideration other couples’ pictures. She said she was told on Thursday that neither of the men were students, adding that she would have been more hesitant to black out a picture of a student.

“It looked like two men kissing,” she said. “To me, it looked fairly illicit. It was pointed out as problematic, so maybe I read more into it.”

Ms. Bolden said she wanted to meet with Mr. Jackson and apologize if necessary. “He was personally hurt,” she said. “That bothers me very much.”

Mr. Jackson said he came out when he was 16 and that he and Mr. Escobales have been together since October. Mr. Jackson is graduating on Wednesday, and he plans to attend Berkeley College here.

It was unclear Saturday if the school would redistribute the yearbooks.

Mr. Jackson said he threw away his in disgust. “I didn’t feel right,” he said. “What I wanted to see wasn’t there.”

Bette Midler - Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy

Talk about a performer giving 1000%! She wrote the book on it.

Watch Me Rip This Tight-Ass Bitch To Shreds!

I’m hosting the Naked Comedy Pro Showcase this Saturday night, June 23 at 9 pm at The Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor. With Melissa Gans, Samson Koletkar, Scott Fell, Beth Schumann, headliner Dr. Scott and special guests! $10, http://brownpapertickets.com/event/15145/, 415/921-2051, melissa999us@yahoo.com. THIS IS A BIG DEAL – I’m being given my first shot at hosting this amazing show – so please make your reservations early and come see us up on the 7th floor!

Thanks for your support!

Kenny Altman at Clubhouse 6/9/07

See post below for info about my hosting gig this Saturday, 6/23, and come out and see me - thanks!

It's True - I Can Make Dr. Laura Groan!

I’m hosting the Naked Comedy Pro Showcase this Saturday night, June 23 at 9 pm at The Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor. With Melissa Gans, Samson Koletkar, Scott Fell, Beth Schumann, headliner Dr. Scott and special guests! $10, http://brownpapertickets.com/event/15145/, 415/921-2051, melissa999us@yahoo.com. THIS IS A BIG DEAL – I’m being given my first shot at hosting this amazing show – so please make your reservations early and come see us up on the 7th floor!

Thanks for your support!

Paul is dead now - miss him, miss him, miss him...

Perished in a fiery car crash in '66, replaced by a look-alike bass-playing, love song-writing short-hair tabby. Here's proof.

Kenny Altman at Clubhouse 6/9/07

This was fun. Check my performance schedule at my myspace page, link is on the right. Thanks for watching, hope you like!

Straight People Having Children - and this is news, why....?

Quaid Set to Welcome Boy and Girl Twins

(06-11) 12:54 PDT New York (AP) --

Dennis Quaid and his wife, Kimberly, who are expecting twins by a surrogate mother, know the sex of the babies — a boy and a girl.

The couple are the biological parents of the twins, due later this year, Quaid publicist Cara Tripicchio said Monday. The pregnancy was announced last month.

Quaid has a 15-year-old son, Jack Henry Quaid, from his marriage to Meg Ryan.

Screen credits for the 53-year-old actor include "Far From Heaven,""The Rookie,""The Right Stuff,""Great Balls of Fire!" and 1998's "The Parent Trap," co-starring Lindsay Lohan.

Quaid and Kimberly Buffington were married in 2004.

Sgt. Pepper at 40.

Danger, blasphemy ahead.

It was 40 years ago today, that The Beatles released what is considered by many, many people to be their magnum opus, what many, many people consider to be the greatest rock and roll album ever recorded.

I am not one of those people.

You're shocked, aren't you?! This is blasphemy, isn't it?! You're waiting for a punchline, aren't you?!

Sorry, no punchlines this time. I am dead serious. I have never been crazy about this album and I doubt I ever will be.

On June 1, 1967, I was 12 1/2 years old. I loved records like nobody else did, and I still do. My parents, of blessed memory, gave me a generous allowance by 1967 standards - five dollars a week - and I spent every penny of it, every single week, on 45s and LPs. To a 12-year-old boy with five dollars in his pocket, there was no greater thrill than going down the stairs to the basement of Rockaway Sales at the Shop-Rite Shopping Center in Fair Lawn, NJ, each week, to see what was new, and to buy something I didn't yet have. I loved looking at the singles charts that they posted each week. I loved flipping through the album racks. It is a memory of my childhood that I savor to this very day.

Don't get me wrong. I loved The Beatles back then, and I love them still. My great interest was, and still is, pop. To me, there is nothing greater than a 2 minute 30 second, 3 minute 30 second at most, pop song, with lyrics that are easy to understand, a melody that is easy to sing along to, a beat that - yes - a beat that you can dance to. And when it came to that genre, The Beatles were at the top of their game, the standard to which most other artists aspired.

But Sgt. Pepper? Forgive me, but I never really got what the fuss was all about. Firstly, THERE WAS NO SINGLE RELEASED FROM THE ALBUM! How could you possibly release an album in 1967 and not a single along with it? This was my first clue that maybe this wasn't as great an album as everyone was chalking it up to be. I mean, if you couldn't hear a song from it every other hour on WABC Radio, what purpose did the album really serve?

Okay, okay, the songs are good. I enjoy most of them, as separate entities, from time to time. I love the drum beat that leads off the Sgt. Pepper reprise towards the end of the album. I could listen to that track every day and never tire of it. But the follow up track, A Day in the Life? Oh, please!? Good, yes. A milestone in recording history? I think not. A Day in the Life was a cleverly produced combination of three separate songs with some great sound effects, but really not much else? You want three separate songs that rock my world? How about Abbey Road's You Never Give Me Your Money? A 35-second barely discernible piano chord fadeout at the end of A Day in the Life? Who gives a crap? I have better things to do with 35 seconds, such as listening to the first chorus of 1910 Fruitgum Company's 1, 2, 3, Red Light. Man, oh man, if those guys don't personify the term "double hand-clap" then I'm just not a gay, religious, rock and roll Jew! I'd rather listen to the first 35 seconds of Annette Funicello's "Bikini Beach Party," and hear her sing "all the chicks are bikini-clad" right before the sax solo kicks in. And I'm man enough to admit it.

"Within You Without You?!" George. I love George. Always have, always will. But you know as well as I do that there they had a good reason for sequencing that song as the lead track on side two - SO YOU COULD SKIP PAST IT! And don't sit there all smug, y'all, and try to tell me that you didn't skip past that track to get right to "When I'm Sixty-Four" I'm sorry, but I just won't believe you. I wouldn't have believed you then, and I won't believe you now.

"Lovely Rita." Good song. Nice hook, great piano and great sound effects at the end. Nice lead-in to "Good Morning, Good Morning." Yeah, nice stuff. But the greatest album ever recorded in the history of the universe? Yeah, right.

Like I said, the songs are good, here and there, and I enjoy listening to them from time to time, but I can tell you honestly that I don't think I have ever sat and listened to Sgt. Pepper all the way through from beginning to end, the same way I can listen to Laura Nyro's Eli and the 13th Confession from beginning to end, all 13 songs, as easily today as I could almost 40 years ago. The same way I can listen to The Mamas and the Papas' 16 Greatest Hits over and over again, from the opening guitar riff of "California Dreaming" on side one to Denny Doherty's soulful "it's here to stay" on the fadeout chorus on "Monday, Monday" at the close of side two. Or, the opening drum riff of "(Theme From) The Monkees" to Mickey Dolenz' silly cackling at the end of "Gonna Buy Me a Dog" on the Pre-fab Four's eponymous debut album.

Sgt. Pepper? From beginning to end, nonstop? Sorry, bub, it ain't happenin' at my house, it ain't happenin' on my iPod. You want a Beatles album you can listen to from beginning to end, non-stop? How about the American release of Rubber Soul? How about Abbey frikking Road, which in my opinion is their greatest work ever.

"She's Leaving Home." Nice. But don't listen to that song if you're depressed, especially if you're anywhere near the Golden Gate Bridge. Talk about a downer. "Fixing a Hole?" Cute. I'll give it that. But not much more.

Forgive me Paul, forgive me Ringo, forgive me long-gone but never forgotten John and George. I love you guys. Always did, always will, but if I live to be 109 I don't think I'll ever see what everyone else seems to have seen in Sgt. Pepper.

Thanks for listening, have a great day!

Kenny A.

Letter to the Editor, SF Chronicle, 5/31/07

To the Editor,

Karen England, executive director of the Capitol Resource Institute, claims that naming rights for same-sex partners is "...just another incremental move to equate homosexual marriage with traditional marriage." And her point is?

In any case, the real problem in this article is that once again a Chronicle reporter, as in the case with quoting the discredited views of Paul Cameron in a recent article about adoption by LGBT people, has gone to the far right to obtain what I am sure they consider an "opposing view" for the sake of so-called "balance."

Capitol Research Institute, in their mission statement, claims to be the "...watchdog for family values in Sacramento," i.e. nothing more than an organization that works to deny gay and lesbian people, and their children and families, the same rights afforded to heterosexual people. As I am sure you wouldn't seek out an opinion from a racist organization on the issue of equal rights for people of color, that you continue to seek out opinions from anti-gay organizations on the issue of gay rights continues to astound, and disappoint, me.

Kenny Altman
San Francisco, CA

If you take nothing else from this piece by Cindy Sheehan, take what she says about "American Idol" and ponder that for a few moments.

Goodbye, America
Cindy Sheehan

Thursday, May 31, 2007

I have endured a lot of smears and hatred since my son Casey was killed in Iraq and especially since I became the so-called "face" of the American anti-war movement. And, especially since I renounced any ties I have remaining with the Democratic Party, I have been further trashed on such "liberal blogs" as the Democratic Underground. Being called an "attention whore" and being told "good riddance" are some of the milder rebukes.

I have come to some heartbreaking conclusions this Memorial Day morning. These are not spur-of-the-moment reflections, but things I have been meditating on for about a year now. The conclusions that I have slowly and very reluctantly come to are very heartbreaking to me.

The first conclusion is that I was the darling of the so-called left as long as I limited my protests to George W. Bush and the Republican Party. Of course, I was slandered and libeled by the right as a "tool" of the Democratic Party. This label was to marginalize me and my message. How could a woman have an original thought, or be working outside of our "two-party" system?

However, when I started to hold the Democratic Party to the same standards that I held the Republican Party, support for my cause started to erode and the left started labeling me with the same slurs that the right used. I guess no one paid attention to me when I said that the issue of peace and people dying for no reason is not a matter of "right or left," but of "right and wrong."

I am deemed a radical because I believe partisan politics should be left by the wayside when thousands of people are dying in a war based on lies that is supported by Democrats and Republicans alike. It amazes me that people who are sharp on the issues and can zero-in like a laser beam on lies, misrepresentations and political expediency when it comes to one party, refuse to recognize it in their own party. Blind loyalty to party is dangerous, whatever side it occurs on. People of the world look on us Americans as jokes because we allow our political leaders so much murderous latitude and, if we don't find alternatives to this corrupt "two" party system, then our representative republic will die and be replaced with what we are rapidly descending into, with nary a check or a balance: a fascist corporate wasteland. I am demonized because I don't see party affiliation or nationality when I look at a person; I see that person's heart. If someone looks, dresses, acts, talks and votes like a Republican, then why do they deserve support just because he/she calls him/herself a Democrat?

I have also reached the conclusion that if I am doing what I am doing because I am an "attention whore," then I really do need to be committed. I have invested everything I have into trying to bring peace with justice to a country that wants neither. If an individual wants both, then normally he/she is not willing to do more than walk in a protest march or sit behind his/her computer criticizing others. I have spent every available cent I got from the money a "grateful" country gave me when it killed my son and every penny that I have received in speaking or book fees since then. I have sacrificed a 29-year marriage and have traveled for extended periods of time away from Casey's brother and sisters. My health has suffered and my hospital bills from last summer (when I almost died) are in collection because I have used all my energy trying to stop this country from slaughtering innocent human beings. I have been called every despicable name that small minds can think of and have had my life threatened many times.

The most devastating conclusion that I reached this morning, however, was that Casey did, indeed, die for nothing. His precious lifeblood drained out in a country far away from his family who loves him, killed by his own country, which is beholden to and run by a war machine that even controls what we think. I have tried every since he died to make his sacrifice meaningful. Casey died for a country that cares more about who will be the next "American Idol" than how many people will be killed in the next few months, while Democrats and Republicans play politics with human lives. It is so painful to me to know that I bought into this system for so many years and Casey paid the price for that allegiance. I failed my boy, and that hurts the most.

I have also tried to work within a peace movement that often puts personal egos above peace and human life. This group won't work with that group; he won't attend an event if she is going to be there; and why does Cindy Sheehan get all the attention anyway? It is hard to work for peace when the very movement that is named after it has so many divisions.

Our brave young men and women in Iraq have been abandoned there indefinitely by their cowardly leaders, who move them around like pawns on a chessboard of destruction. The people of Iraq have been doomed to death and fates worse than death by people worried more about elections than people. However, in five, 10 or 15 years, our troops will come limping home in another abject defeat and 10 or 20 years from then, our children's children will be seeing their loved ones die for no reason, because their grandparents also bought into this corrupt system. Bush will never be impeached because if the Democrats dig too deeply, they may unearth a few skeletons of their own and the system will perpetuate itself.

I am going to take whatever I have left and go home. I am going to go home and be a mother to my surviving children and try to regain some of what I have lost. I will try to maintain and nurture some very positive relationships that I have found in the journey that I was forced into when Casey died, and try to repair some of the ones that have fallen apart since I began this single-minded crusade to try to change a paradigm that is now, I am afraid, carved in immovable, unbendable and rigidly mendacious marble.

Camp Casey has served its purpose. It's for sale. Anyone want to buy five beautiful acres in Crawford, Texas? I will consider any reasonable offer. I hear Bush will be moving out soon, too ... which makes the property even more valuable.

This is my resignation letter as the "face" of the American anti-war movement. This is not my "Checkers" moment, because I will never give up trying to help people in the world who are harmed by the empire of the good old U.S. of A, but I am finished working in, or outside of, this system. This system forcefully resists being helped and eats up the people who try to help it. I am getting out before it totally consumes me or anymore people that I love, and the rest of my resources.

Good-bye America ... you are not the country that I love. I finally realized no matter how much I sacrifice, I can't make you be that country unless you want it.

It's up to you now.

Cindy Sheehan is the mother of Spc. Casey Austin Sheehan, who was killed in action in Iraq on April 4, 2004. She is a co-founder and president of Gold Star Families for Peace and the author of two books: "Not One More Mother's Child" (Koa Books, 2005) and "Dear President Bush" (Open Media, 2005).

What is it with these fucking whales? What the hell am I missing here?

I have been listening to KGO radio since 7 o'clock this morning, as I usually do while at work. EVERY national newscast and EVERY local newscast has either led off or seconded with the story of these frikking whales. The local newscasts have even used these whales as their teasers, e.g. "coming up, more on the whales." At the same time I have heard ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about how many soldiers we lost yesterday, how many homeless people died on the streets of San Francisco yesterday, etc. Where in G-d's name are our priorities?

PLEASE don't give me this crap about this being an environmental matter and that the whales' predicament is a foretelling of worse things to come. I understand that that might be true, and I understand that that warrants some news coverage. But - every half hour since 7 o'clock this morning, and NOTHING about dead soldiers or other dead human beings?

This will definitely be part of my set for the next few weeks... check out my schedule at the myspace link to your right.

Good day to all,

Kenny A.

Bic Banana Ink Crayons with Charles Nelson Reilly

RIP, CNR, and thanks for the laughs.

Farshtunkeneh Whales

Two whales lost their way in the bay, near Sacramento, and are having trouble finding their way home.

This is national news?

Every day of the year, in San Francisco and just about everywhere else in the world, homeless people down to their last pennies, their last hope, mentally ill people who have fallen through the cracks, can't afford their medication, etc., lose their way and can't find their way home. And people walk past them in the street as if they don't exist, and no one gives them cute names and devotes a week of national news coverage to them by following them in their first weeks on the street. No one seems to want to offer a way to help these poor souls find their way home.

But two farshtunkeneh whales? Delta and Dawn? This is national news?

Sorry, folks, no joke here, just a political statement. And I'm pleased to announce that when I delivered this in similar fashion on stage the other night I was met with a very satisfying round of applause.

Shabbat shalom!

T. Roth and Another Pretty Face, Soundgarden, Lodi, NJ, 5/18/07. The greatest glam rock band of the 70s reunites after a 25-year hiatus to confirm their status as such. Wow.

Rest In Peace, You Rotten Piece of Turd

So Jerry Falwell has left this earth. With absolutely no apologies, I feel the same way about his passing as I did when I heard the news about the passing of Sen. Pete Knight of California in May of '04 - raise your glasses high, champagne all 'round!

As a gay guy, I find it personally heartwarming that Falwell died on the same day that they announced the nominations for this year's Tony awards, aka our annual live internationally televised gay pride parade. I find great poetic justice in that.

Rest in peace, you rotten piece of turd.

P.S. That isn't a purse Tinky Winky is carrying - it's a tallis bag!

Tix are moving, reserve yours now!

Call Gotham Comedy Club at 212/367-9000 to reserve your tix for my performance at the New Talent Comedy Showcase this Saturday, May 19 at 5:30 PM. $10 cover, 2-drink minimum. Gotham Comedy Club is located at 208 W. 23 between 7th and 8th Aves.

Reserve now, get your laughs later - guaranteed!

New York! New Jersey! Connecticut, Pennysylvania!

Come see me on Saturday, May 19 at 5:30 pm at the New Talent Comedy Showcase at Gotham Comedy Club, 208 W.23rd between 7th and 8th Aves, NYC. $10 cover, 2-drink minimum. Info/reservations at 212/367-9000.

Life is good...

I competed in the semi-finals of the Rooster T. Feather's comedy competition last night, in Sunnyvale. 11 comics performed, 3 made it to the finals, I was not one of them. My good friends Samson Koletkar and Marty Grimes took 1st and 2nd, respectively. Tessie Chua took 3rd.

I am not disappointed, rather I am encouraged. It was an amazing evening. The place was packed, the energy in the room was palpable and every comic, including me if I may say so myself, delivered the goods.

These competitions can be unfair at times because the audience votes so sometimes a less than stellar comic can win if he or she stacks the room with friends and family. This was not the case last night. All 3 who made it to the finals were well-deserved wins.

I feel good. I have been doing comedy for less than a year, and in my first competition I made it to the semi-finals. Not bad. Now on to New York for May 19.

Come and see me on Saturday, May 19 at 5:30 PM at the New Talent Comedy Showcase at Gothem Comedy Club, 208 W. 23rd between 7th and 8th Aves. $10 cover, 2-drink minimum. Reservations/info - 212/367-9000.

See you in NYC!

Kenny Altman at Clubhouse, Naked Comedy 5/5/07

This was a great set, a great lineup, great audience, etc., all adding up to a great night!

Come see me this Wednesday 5/9 in the semi-finals of the Comedy Competition at Rooster T. Feathers, 157 W. El Camino Real, Sunnyvale. Tix $10. Info 408/736-0921. www.roostertfeathers.com

PLUS - NEW YORK CITY! I will be performing at the New Talent Showcase on Saturday, May 19, at 5:30 PM at Gotham Comedy Club, 208 W. 23rd between 7th and 8th Aves. $10 cover, 2 drink minimum. Make reservations at 212/367-9000.

Thanks for watching, enjoy!

Kenny Altman at Clubhouse, Naked Comedy 5/5/07

This is my set from last Saturday night at the Clubhouse - great lineup, great audience, great show!

Come see me - Wednesday, May 9, in the semi-finals of Rooster T. Feathers' comedy competition - see me perform, laugh at my jokes and enjoy my generally engaging youthful exuberance, and vote for me, in that order! Rooster's is at 157 W. El Camino Real in Sunnyvale. Tickets $10. Advance tickets highly recommended. 408/736-0921. http://roostertfeathers.com/

And on Saturday, May 19 at 5:30 PM at the Gotham Comedy Club's New Talent Showcase. Gotham Comedy Club is located at 208 W. 23rd between 7th and 8th Aves, in New York City, New York! $10 cover charge, 2-drink minimim. For info and reservations, call 212/367-9000

Kenny Altman at Clubhouse, Naked Comedy 5/5/07

This was tons of fun! Watch me start off by playing with a group of young women, all buxom and none of them shy about it. Check my schedule below and come and see me on May 9 in Sunnyvale (and vote for me!)

Also - just booked - Saturday, May 19, 5:30 PM at Gotham Comedy Club in NYC! Yes, gay religious rock and roll Jew is taking it to the Big Apple. Tix/info at 212-367-9000. Gotham Comedy Club is located at 208 W. 23rd Street between 7th and 8th Avenues.

Semi-finals - May 9!
New York City - May 19!

Come and see me - and vote for me - Wednesday, May 9, in the semi-finals of the 5th Annual Comedy Competition at Rooster T. Feathers, 157 W. El Camino Real, Sunnyvale. Doors at 7:15, show at 8:00. Tix $10. 408/736-0921. www.roostertfeathers.com

And come and see my New York City debut! I will be performing at the New Talent Showcase on Saturday, May 19 at 5:30 PM at Gotham Comedy Club in NYC. Gotham Comedy Club is located at 208 W. 23rd Street between 7th and 8th Aves. Call 212-367-9000 to make reservations. $10 cover, 2 drink minimum.

New Yorkers, Jerseyites, Philadelphians, come and see what the San Francisco comedy scene has been all a-twitter about for the past year and what this whole "gay, religious rock and roll Jew" stuff is all about!

Thank you!

Come and see me -

Wednesday, 5/2 at the Clubhouse Open Mic, 414 Mason Street, 7th floor, 8 pm, $5. http://lilmonkey.typepad.com/the_clubhouse/

Saturday, 5/5 at the Clubhouse Open Mic at 6 pm, $5, and at Naked Comedy at 9 pm, $10. (free if you attend the 6 pm show)

Wednesday, May 9, in the semi-finals of Rooster T. Feathers' comedy competition - see me perform, laugh at my jokes and enjoy my generally engaging youthful exuberance, and vote for me, in that order! Rooster's is at 157 W. El Camino Real in Sunnyvale. Tickets $10. Advance tickets highly recommended. 408/736-0921. http://roostertfeathers.com/

Watch my B-Movie Online commercial on youtube at

and tell your friends!

Grumpy?! Who, moi?!

I found this note in my desk this morning stuffed between a few other pieces of paper. I have no idea who put it there, or when they did. I blew it up and put it on my corkboard next to a picture of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and I circled "Grumpy." Don't you just love the way they spelled precedent?!

Hump Day Comedy at the Clubhouse! Wednesday, April 25, 8 pm with your host Adam McLaughlin and featuring a ton of funny, funny people, including me! $5 admission - now if that ain't 21st century comedy at 20th century prices I don't know what is. BYOB for 21+. The Clubhouse is located at 414 Mason Street, 7th floor, between Geary and Post. Come on up and have some laughs!

B MOVIE ONLINE Kenny Altman Commercial

Watch this commercial, watch it often, tell your friends! If I get the most amount of views I get the commercial played at the premier of B-Movie Online - thanks!

Taking it to the North Bay!

Comedy Night - Saturday, April 21, 9:00 PM at the Russian River Resort16390 4th Street in downtown Guerneville along the beautiful Russian River. www.russianriverresort.com


Tix - $5 - Holy Crap - 21st century comedy at 20th century prices!

Featuring Nick Leonard (headliner), with Candy Churilla and Kenny Altman (emcee)

Nick Leonard, headliner - Nick Leonard produces Q Comedy, the premiere gay comedy showcase in San Francisco. He has performed with Louie Anderson, Brian Regan, Eric McCormack, Marga Gomez, Karen Ripley, Danny Williams, Sabrina Matthews, Scott Capurro, Doug Holsclaw, Betsy Salkind, Marilyn Pittman, and many others... www.nickleonard.net


Candy Churilla - Candy Churilla, Oakland resident, stars in "Sex & the Ghetto," a reality show that broadcasts in her head. www.candychurilla.com


And me, Kenny Altman, the gay, religious rock and roll Jew! When G-d was handing out the show tune gene to gay men, I was in the next room at the Joan Jett concert. I recently placed 4th in the preliminary round of the 5th Annual Comedy Competition at Rooster T. Feather's in Sunnyvale, CA. Come and see me this Saturday night in Guerneville, and then in Sunnyvale in the semi-finals on May 9!

Our Little Theater, Wednesday, April 11 at 8 pm

I'll be doing a set at the comedy showcase on Wednesday, April 11, show beginning at 8 pm, at Our Little Theater, 287 Ellis Streets San Francisco. (Between Mason/Taylor)
Behind the Hilton Hotel Downtown San Francisco

Tickets: Contact the box office 24-hour Ticket and Information Hotline: (415) 928-4060 $10/$15 or thereabouts...

Come and have some laughs!

Saturday, April 14 - Hosting the Grad Show in SF Wednesday, May 9 - Semi-finals in Sunnyvale

Hey! Join me next Saturday afternoon as I host the grad show at the Clubhouse at SFCC. I am excited about presenting to you the latest crop of graduates of the SFCC's advanced class. They kick ass and I know you'll have a great time! Plus - I'm the emcee! Show is at 4 pm at 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (we're the comedy club so underground we're seven floors up!), between Geary and Post. Tickets are $10, easily available in advance for those of you who do not carry money on Shabbat - http://brownpapertickets.com/event/14227/ or by contacting Melissa Gans by mailto:melissa999us@yahoo.com. All comics get 50% of the door, so make sure to tell the host at the front door that you are coming to see ME! Thanks!

On Wednesday, May 9 at 8 pm I will be competing in the semi-finals at the Rooster T. Feather's 5th Annual Comedy Competition. Come on down and cheer me on - and VOTE for me if you think I'm worthy of the honor! Rooster T. Feathers is located at 157 W. El Camino Real in Sunnyvale. Tickets are $10. These events frequently sell out so if you're planning on coming purchase your tickets in advance at http://roostertfeathers.com/

Here's the set that got me 4th place in the preliminary round. Thanks, enjoy, and thanks for coming out to support live comedy in the greatest place in the world to do comedy - the San Francisco Bay Area!

This is the set I did at Rooster's on Wednesday evening, March 28. I took 4th place and now I advance to the semi-finals on May 9.


Enjoy!

Dear Friends,

Please mark your calendars now, buy your tix, and come and see me at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post) on Saturday night, March 31 at the 9 PM “Naked Comedy” show! My good friend Jason Clause and I will be rocking the house along with these heavy hitters:

Sammy Wegent, finalist San Jose Improv "Battle of the Bay" competition, 2005
Scotty Fell, frequent headliner at the Clubhouse, performing all over the Bay Area, finalist in Killer Laughs Competition, 2007
Ali Mafi (emcee), from the Axis of Evil tour, regular performer at the Punchline and clubs all over the Bay Area
Reggie Steele (headliner), 1st place winner of the Rooster T. Feathers Comedy Competition, 2003, now headlining and hosting all over the USA, and it doesn’t hurt that he is also one fine-lookin’ man!

This is a BIG deal for me. The comics on the bill for March 31 are people whose work I greatly admire, and I am honored to have been asked to participate in this show. This is going to be a great, great, funny, funny, show – don’t miss it!

Tickets are $10. Available at www.brownpapertickets.com/event/11275 or by contacting Melissa Gans at melissa999us@yahoo.com. http://lilmonkey.typepad.com/the_clubhouse/

If you’re planning on being in Sunnyvale on Wednesday, March 28, come and see me (and vote for me!) at the Rooster T. Feathers 5th Annual Amateur Comedy Competition. Doors at 7:15, show at 8:00. Info at
http://roostertfeathers.com/

Check this out – I made a commercial tonight for my friends at BMOVIE ONLINE - click on the image at the top of this post.

Keep well and keep cleaning for Pesach,

Kenny A.

Dear Friends,

Please mark your calendars now, buy your tix, and come and see me at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post) on Saturday night, March 31 at the 9 PM “Naked Comedy” show! My good friend Jason Clause and I will be rocking the house, along with these heavy hitters:

Deb Campo (emcee), finalist in Nickelodeon’s “America’s Funniest Mom” competition, 2007
Sammy Wegent, finalist San Jose Improv "Battle of the Bay" competition, 2005
Scotty Fell, frequent headliner at the Clubhouse, performing all over the Bay Area
Ali Mafi, from the Axis of Evil tour, regular performer at the Punchline and clubs all over the Bay Area
Reggie Steele (headliner), 1st place winner of the Rooster T. Feathers Comedy Competition, 2003, now headlining and hosting all over the USA, and it doesn’t hurt that he is also one fine-lookin’ man!

This is a BIG deal for me. The comics on the bill for March 31 are people whose work I greatly admire, and I am honored to have been asked to participate in this show. This is going to be a great, great, funny, funny, show – don’t miss it!

Tickets are $10. Available at www.brownpapertickets.com/event/11275 or by contacting Melissa Gans at melissa999us@yahoo.com. http://lilmonkey.typepad.com/the_clubhouse/

I will also be appearing at these clubs on these dates:
March 24 and 31 – Clubhouse at 6 pm, $5
March 24 – Q Comedy, 8 PM, Jon Sims Center, 1519 Mission Street. $8 - $15 sliding scale
March 28 – 5th Annual Amateur Comedy Competition, Rooster T. Feathers, 157 W. El Camino Real, Sunnyvale. Doors 7:15 PM, show 8 PM. $10. I have a few free tix available if you want to come and cheer me on.

Best regards and thanks to all,

Kenny A.

The outing of Gen. Pete Pace, Day 5

Gay?! Who, me?! Why, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Well, on reflection, funny you should ask...

The Outing of Gen. Pete Pace, Day 4

San Francisco, CA, June 2006 - Gen. Pace watches Gay Pride Parade, wistfully, from the sidelines. "Perhaps next year," he thinks to himself, "I'll be brave enough to participate."

I am taking bets on how long it will take Gen. Pace to either come out or have someone do it for him. Contact me c/o this blog.

Peter - Portrait of a Gay General - coming soon, to a theatre near you.

HOLY CRAP! IS THIS GUY GAY, OR WHAT?!!!!!

Come out, come out, General Pace!

Gen. Pace's remarks are almost a perfect echo of what Ted Haggard used to say about homosexuality - my bet is that it's only a matter of time until Pace's escort/meth supplier comes out of the woodwork to set the record straight on this poor, misguided man.

Kenny Altman at Clubhouse, Naked Comedy 3/10/07

My first time doing the 9 pm "Pro Showcase" - thanks for watching, enjoy!

Kenny Altman at Purim Follies 3/4/07

I killed on Purim! Enjoy!

March is busting out all over...

Saturdays March 3, 17, 24 and 31, 6 pm – New Talent Showcase, The Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, SF, $5

Sunday, March 4, 6:00 pm, The Purim Follies, Temple Emanu-El, 2 Lake Street, SF, $20

CANCELED – Java on Ocean, Wednesay, March 7

Saturday, March 10, 4 pm – HOSTING Grad Show/New Talent Showcase, The Clubhouse, $10 If you come to this show, tell them you are coming to see me - I get 50% of ticket sales for anyone who comes to see me! Tickets online at www.brownpapertickets.com/event/11129
or contact Melissa Gans at melissa999us@yahoo.com or 415/921-2051 for will call tix.

Saturday, March 10 and March 31, 9 pm – Naked Comedy Showcase,
The Clubhouse, $10 (free if you attend the earlier show)

Wednesday, March 28, 8 pm – Fifth Annual Amateur Comedy Competition at Rooster T. Feathers, 157 W. El Camino Real, Sunnyvale – $10. I have some free tix available, contact me if you would like them, but you must use them! Reservation line – 408/736-0921

Thanks for listening, thanks for watching, thanks for supporting live comedy and making me feel good, Shabbat Shalom and Chag Sameach Purim to all!

Kenny A.

Kenny Altman at The Clubhouse 2/24/07

I felt real good about this set, 2/24/07. Thanks for watching, hope you like it! Kenny A.

I felt real good about this set 2/3/07. Hope you like it, thanks for watching!

Letter to the Editor, j. Weekly, 2/9/07

I'm very proud of this letter which appears in this week's issue of j. Weekly, the Jewish news weekly for the Bay Area.

Diluted message?

The Jan. 19 j. article “Time is on homosexual advocates’ side” concluded with Rabbi Eliot Dorff joking that he really does “talk about other things.”

I always find it interesting when straight people feel they need to clarify their stand on the gay issue by offering this or similar disclaimers. To me, as a gay man, every time I hear something remotely similar to this, it sounds like a cross between an apology and a reassurance that the speaker himself is not gay.

This issue just happens to be in the forefront these days, both in religious and civil matters. May I offer to Dorff and others, with all due respect, if it is important enough for you to advocate for it, don’t offer apologies or reassurances for voicing your opinion; from my perspective, it dilutes your message.

For what it’s worth, I was only 10 when the Civil Rights Act was signed into law, but I really don’t remember white people who supported the signing of the act having to reassure people that they “talked about other things.” But, interestingly, it seems to be that way whenever someone talks about the gay issue. Can we please get past that?

Kenny Altman | San Francisco

Kenny Altman at SFCC 1/27/07

Second half of my set 1/27/07, wherein I make my case as to why I think George Bush is gay. Enjoy!

Two chances to catch me next Saturday night, February 10!

San Francisco Comedy College, New Talent Showcase - 6 - 8 pm, $5 admission. San Francisco Comedy College is located at 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, between Geary and Post. If you are part of Congregation Beth Sholom's Keshet (Rainbow/LGBT) Chavurah, join us.

Q Comedy Gay and Lesbian Showcase - 8 pm - sliding scale admission, $8 - $15 - at the Jon Sims Center, 1519 Mission St (between 11th St. and South Van Ness). Show begins at 8 and I will most likely go on a little after 9.

Thank you for coming out to support live comedy!

My first paid gig!

Come see me this coming Saturday night, February 3, 6 - 8 pm at my first paid gig, the Advanced Class Grad Show at San Francisco Comedy College, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, between Geary and Post. $10 admission and I get 50% of that when you tell the person at the door that you are coming to see me! Advance tix available at www.brownpapertickets.com/event/10128 Thanks for coming out to support live comedy!

I will be at the San Francisco Comedy College again on Saturday evening, February 10, same time, same location, $5 admission. If you are a member of Congregation Beth Sholom's Keshet (Rainbow) Chavurah, join us for the show and then afterwards for dinner in the neighborhood. Info about Congregation Beth Sholom and Keshet in links on right-hand side of this page.

I will be providing the comedy entertainment for Congregation Beth Sholom's First Annual Dinner Dance on Saturday evening, February 24. For info, contact Congregation Beth Sholom at 415/221-8736 or info@bethsholomsf.org.

Thanks for listening, have a great week!

Kenny A.

Rock-it Room Tonight!!

Come see me at Rock-it Room this evening, Monday, January 22! Rock-it Room is located on Clement Street, in the Richmond District, between 5th and 6th Avenues.

I am assisting with hosting and sign-up tonight and have been told that I can pick my time. I will most likely go on sometime between 9 and 9:30 pm.

Come on over and have some yuks!

Kenny A.

Boxer vs. Rice - much ado about nothing. In other words, a smokescreen for the chickenhawks who support this travesty in Iraq to divert us from the real issue - we have invaded a country illegally, 3,000 of our young people have died, and George Bush wants to send 20,000 more over there. For what? Please, for fuck's sake, can someone please tell me for what?!

And in the middle of it all, all the news columnists and radio talk show hosts can talk about is this bullshit about one comment that Barbara Boxer made to Condoleeza Rice?! Can we please concentrate on what's really important here. Can the news media please get back to work and report on the seriousness of this travesty that Bush has created, and leave the fun and fluff pieces where they belong - with Ebntertainment Tonight and Rosie and Donald, Britney and K-Fed, Zarf/Zoe, aka All My Children's lesbian trapped in a man's body, etc....

This "war" is a travesty, we have a seated "president" who wants to put the civil rights of a majority up to a popular vote, and all people seem to be worrying about is whether Boxer unduly criticized Rice? Please!

Thanks for listening, have a great, peaceful, humorous, pop culture-filled day.

Kenny A.

P.S. Yes, I am aware that I used the word "travesty" three times in one short piece. Sosumi.

Kenny Altman at SFCC 1/6/07

Kenny Altman at San Francisco Comedy College 1/6/07

Here is a minute and a half or so of my set from last Saturday night. To give the first joke some context, I am talking about Gerald Ford and
James Brown dying in the same week and Ronald Reagan and Ray Charles dying in the same week, illustrating my thought that there must be some sort of balance in the universe, e.g. Every time a soul-less right-wing conservative dies, we have to take out a black musical icon to balance out the universe. Or something like that.

Enjoy!

My life in showbiz, week 20...

Two chances to see me this weekend, plus exciting news about next weekend and an upcoming show in February.

I'll be emceeing my good friend Sarah Horowitz' birthday party/poetry slam at The Strauss House (don't call it a venue), 351 16th Avenue, between Geary and Clement, in SF, on Saturday/Shabbat afternoon, 1/6/07. Light lunch at 1:00 pm, show at 2:00 pm. All are invited.

I'll be appearing at the New Talent Showcase at San Francisco Comedy College, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, between Geary and Post, Saturday evening, 1/6/07. Show begins at 6:00 pm and runs till 8:30 pm or thereabouts. Admission $5. Be advised - the elevator at 414 Mason is broken and you will need to walk up the stairs, but you'll certainly be in the mood to laugh after that trip!

Next weekend, Saturday evening January 13, I'll be hosting the New Talent Showcase, my first time, and I'm very excited, so please come on down - your presence and your support is always very greatly appreciated!

On Saturday night, February 24, I'll be providing comedy entertainment along with my good friend Joseph Nguyen at Congregation Beth Sholom's First Annual Dinner Dance. More details to follow. If you'd like an invitation to this event, let me know by e-mail to kennyaltman@earthlink.net. Joe and I work well together and I guarantee you will enjoy.

Hey! Have a great Shabbat and a great weekend, and keep looking for the laughs - they're out there.

Thanks for supporting live comedy.

Kenny A.