Sgt. Pepper at 40.

Danger, blasphemy ahead.

It was 40 years ago today, that The Beatles released what is considered by many, many people to be their magnum opus, what many, many people consider to be the greatest rock and roll album ever recorded.

I am not one of those people.

You're shocked, aren't you?! This is blasphemy, isn't it?! You're waiting for a punchline, aren't you?!

Sorry, no punchlines this time. I am dead serious. I have never been crazy about this album and I doubt I ever will be.

On June 1, 1967, I was 12 1/2 years old. I loved records like nobody else did, and I still do. My parents, of blessed memory, gave me a generous allowance by 1967 standards - five dollars a week - and I spent every penny of it, every single week, on 45s and LPs. To a 12-year-old boy with five dollars in his pocket, there was no greater thrill than going down the stairs to the basement of Rockaway Sales at the Shop-Rite Shopping Center in Fair Lawn, NJ, each week, to see what was new, and to buy something I didn't yet have. I loved looking at the singles charts that they posted each week. I loved flipping through the album racks. It is a memory of my childhood that I savor to this very day.

Don't get me wrong. I loved The Beatles back then, and I love them still. My great interest was, and still is, pop. To me, there is nothing greater than a 2 minute 30 second, 3 minute 30 second at most, pop song, with lyrics that are easy to understand, a melody that is easy to sing along to, a beat that - yes - a beat that you can dance to. And when it came to that genre, The Beatles were at the top of their game, the standard to which most other artists aspired.

But Sgt. Pepper? Forgive me, but I never really got what the fuss was all about. Firstly, THERE WAS NO SINGLE RELEASED FROM THE ALBUM! How could you possibly release an album in 1967 and not a single along with it? This was my first clue that maybe this wasn't as great an album as everyone was chalking it up to be. I mean, if you couldn't hear a song from it every other hour on WABC Radio, what purpose did the album really serve?

Okay, okay, the songs are good. I enjoy most of them, as separate entities, from time to time. I love the drum beat that leads off the Sgt. Pepper reprise towards the end of the album. I could listen to that track every day and never tire of it. But the follow up track, A Day in the Life? Oh, please!? Good, yes. A milestone in recording history? I think not. A Day in the Life was a cleverly produced combination of three separate songs with some great sound effects, but really not much else? You want three separate songs that rock my world? How about Abbey Road's You Never Give Me Your Money? A 35-second barely discernible piano chord fadeout at the end of A Day in the Life? Who gives a crap? I have better things to do with 35 seconds, such as listening to the first chorus of 1910 Fruitgum Company's 1, 2, 3, Red Light. Man, oh man, if those guys don't personify the term "double hand-clap" then I'm just not a gay, religious, rock and roll Jew! I'd rather listen to the first 35 seconds of Annette Funicello's "Bikini Beach Party," and hear her sing "all the chicks are bikini-clad" right before the sax solo kicks in. And I'm man enough to admit it.

"Within You Without You?!" George. I love George. Always have, always will. But you know as well as I do that there they had a good reason for sequencing that song as the lead track on side two - SO YOU COULD SKIP PAST IT! And don't sit there all smug, y'all, and try to tell me that you didn't skip past that track to get right to "When I'm Sixty-Four" I'm sorry, but I just won't believe you. I wouldn't have believed you then, and I won't believe you now.

"Lovely Rita." Good song. Nice hook, great piano and great sound effects at the end. Nice lead-in to "Good Morning, Good Morning." Yeah, nice stuff. But the greatest album ever recorded in the history of the universe? Yeah, right.

Like I said, the songs are good, here and there, and I enjoy listening to them from time to time, but I can tell you honestly that I don't think I have ever sat and listened to Sgt. Pepper all the way through from beginning to end, the same way I can listen to Laura Nyro's Eli and the 13th Confession from beginning to end, all 13 songs, as easily today as I could almost 40 years ago. The same way I can listen to The Mamas and the Papas' 16 Greatest Hits over and over again, from the opening guitar riff of "California Dreaming" on side one to Denny Doherty's soulful "it's here to stay" on the fadeout chorus on "Monday, Monday" at the close of side two. Or, the opening drum riff of "(Theme From) The Monkees" to Mickey Dolenz' silly cackling at the end of "Gonna Buy Me a Dog" on the Pre-fab Four's eponymous debut album.

Sgt. Pepper? From beginning to end, nonstop? Sorry, bub, it ain't happenin' at my house, it ain't happenin' on my iPod. You want a Beatles album you can listen to from beginning to end, non-stop? How about the American release of Rubber Soul? How about Abbey frikking Road, which in my opinion is their greatest work ever.

"She's Leaving Home." Nice. But don't listen to that song if you're depressed, especially if you're anywhere near the Golden Gate Bridge. Talk about a downer. "Fixing a Hole?" Cute. I'll give it that. But not much more.

Forgive me Paul, forgive me Ringo, forgive me long-gone but never forgotten John and George. I love you guys. Always did, always will, but if I live to be 109 I don't think I'll ever see what everyone else seems to have seen in Sgt. Pepper.

Thanks for listening, have a great day!

Kenny A.

Letter to the Editor, SF Chronicle, 5/31/07

To the Editor,

Karen England, executive director of the Capitol Resource Institute, claims that naming rights for same-sex partners is "...just another incremental move to equate homosexual marriage with traditional marriage." And her point is?

In any case, the real problem in this article is that once again a Chronicle reporter, as in the case with quoting the discredited views of Paul Cameron in a recent article about adoption by LGBT people, has gone to the far right to obtain what I am sure they consider an "opposing view" for the sake of so-called "balance."

Capitol Research Institute, in their mission statement, claims to be the "...watchdog for family values in Sacramento," i.e. nothing more than an organization that works to deny gay and lesbian people, and their children and families, the same rights afforded to heterosexual people. As I am sure you wouldn't seek out an opinion from a racist organization on the issue of equal rights for people of color, that you continue to seek out opinions from anti-gay organizations on the issue of gay rights continues to astound, and disappoint, me.

Kenny Altman
San Francisco, CA

If you take nothing else from this piece by Cindy Sheehan, take what she says about "American Idol" and ponder that for a few moments.

Goodbye, America
Cindy Sheehan

Thursday, May 31, 2007

I have endured a lot of smears and hatred since my son Casey was killed in Iraq and especially since I became the so-called "face" of the American anti-war movement. And, especially since I renounced any ties I have remaining with the Democratic Party, I have been further trashed on such "liberal blogs" as the Democratic Underground. Being called an "attention whore" and being told "good riddance" are some of the milder rebukes.

I have come to some heartbreaking conclusions this Memorial Day morning. These are not spur-of-the-moment reflections, but things I have been meditating on for about a year now. The conclusions that I have slowly and very reluctantly come to are very heartbreaking to me.

The first conclusion is that I was the darling of the so-called left as long as I limited my protests to George W. Bush and the Republican Party. Of course, I was slandered and libeled by the right as a "tool" of the Democratic Party. This label was to marginalize me and my message. How could a woman have an original thought, or be working outside of our "two-party" system?

However, when I started to hold the Democratic Party to the same standards that I held the Republican Party, support for my cause started to erode and the left started labeling me with the same slurs that the right used. I guess no one paid attention to me when I said that the issue of peace and people dying for no reason is not a matter of "right or left," but of "right and wrong."

I am deemed a radical because I believe partisan politics should be left by the wayside when thousands of people are dying in a war based on lies that is supported by Democrats and Republicans alike. It amazes me that people who are sharp on the issues and can zero-in like a laser beam on lies, misrepresentations and political expediency when it comes to one party, refuse to recognize it in their own party. Blind loyalty to party is dangerous, whatever side it occurs on. People of the world look on us Americans as jokes because we allow our political leaders so much murderous latitude and, if we don't find alternatives to this corrupt "two" party system, then our representative republic will die and be replaced with what we are rapidly descending into, with nary a check or a balance: a fascist corporate wasteland. I am demonized because I don't see party affiliation or nationality when I look at a person; I see that person's heart. If someone looks, dresses, acts, talks and votes like a Republican, then why do they deserve support just because he/she calls him/herself a Democrat?

I have also reached the conclusion that if I am doing what I am doing because I am an "attention whore," then I really do need to be committed. I have invested everything I have into trying to bring peace with justice to a country that wants neither. If an individual wants both, then normally he/she is not willing to do more than walk in a protest march or sit behind his/her computer criticizing others. I have spent every available cent I got from the money a "grateful" country gave me when it killed my son and every penny that I have received in speaking or book fees since then. I have sacrificed a 29-year marriage and have traveled for extended periods of time away from Casey's brother and sisters. My health has suffered and my hospital bills from last summer (when I almost died) are in collection because I have used all my energy trying to stop this country from slaughtering innocent human beings. I have been called every despicable name that small minds can think of and have had my life threatened many times.

The most devastating conclusion that I reached this morning, however, was that Casey did, indeed, die for nothing. His precious lifeblood drained out in a country far away from his family who loves him, killed by his own country, which is beholden to and run by a war machine that even controls what we think. I have tried every since he died to make his sacrifice meaningful. Casey died for a country that cares more about who will be the next "American Idol" than how many people will be killed in the next few months, while Democrats and Republicans play politics with human lives. It is so painful to me to know that I bought into this system for so many years and Casey paid the price for that allegiance. I failed my boy, and that hurts the most.

I have also tried to work within a peace movement that often puts personal egos above peace and human life. This group won't work with that group; he won't attend an event if she is going to be there; and why does Cindy Sheehan get all the attention anyway? It is hard to work for peace when the very movement that is named after it has so many divisions.

Our brave young men and women in Iraq have been abandoned there indefinitely by their cowardly leaders, who move them around like pawns on a chessboard of destruction. The people of Iraq have been doomed to death and fates worse than death by people worried more about elections than people. However, in five, 10 or 15 years, our troops will come limping home in another abject defeat and 10 or 20 years from then, our children's children will be seeing their loved ones die for no reason, because their grandparents also bought into this corrupt system. Bush will never be impeached because if the Democrats dig too deeply, they may unearth a few skeletons of their own and the system will perpetuate itself.

I am going to take whatever I have left and go home. I am going to go home and be a mother to my surviving children and try to regain some of what I have lost. I will try to maintain and nurture some very positive relationships that I have found in the journey that I was forced into when Casey died, and try to repair some of the ones that have fallen apart since I began this single-minded crusade to try to change a paradigm that is now, I am afraid, carved in immovable, unbendable and rigidly mendacious marble.

Camp Casey has served its purpose. It's for sale. Anyone want to buy five beautiful acres in Crawford, Texas? I will consider any reasonable offer. I hear Bush will be moving out soon, too ... which makes the property even more valuable.

This is my resignation letter as the "face" of the American anti-war movement. This is not my "Checkers" moment, because I will never give up trying to help people in the world who are harmed by the empire of the good old U.S. of A, but I am finished working in, or outside of, this system. This system forcefully resists being helped and eats up the people who try to help it. I am getting out before it totally consumes me or anymore people that I love, and the rest of my resources.

Good-bye America ... you are not the country that I love. I finally realized no matter how much I sacrifice, I can't make you be that country unless you want it.

It's up to you now.

Cindy Sheehan is the mother of Spc. Casey Austin Sheehan, who was killed in action in Iraq on April 4, 2004. She is a co-founder and president of Gold Star Families for Peace and the author of two books: "Not One More Mother's Child" (Koa Books, 2005) and "Dear President Bush" (Open Media, 2005).

What is it with these fucking whales? What the hell am I missing here?

I have been listening to KGO radio since 7 o'clock this morning, as I usually do while at work. EVERY national newscast and EVERY local newscast has either led off or seconded with the story of these frikking whales. The local newscasts have even used these whales as their teasers, e.g. "coming up, more on the whales." At the same time I have heard ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about how many soldiers we lost yesterday, how many homeless people died on the streets of San Francisco yesterday, etc. Where in G-d's name are our priorities?

PLEASE don't give me this crap about this being an environmental matter and that the whales' predicament is a foretelling of worse things to come. I understand that that might be true, and I understand that that warrants some news coverage. But - every half hour since 7 o'clock this morning, and NOTHING about dead soldiers or other dead human beings?

This will definitely be part of my set for the next few weeks... check out my schedule at the myspace link to your right.

Good day to all,

Kenny A.

Bic Banana Ink Crayons with Charles Nelson Reilly

RIP, CNR, and thanks for the laughs.

Farshtunkeneh Whales

Two whales lost their way in the bay, near Sacramento, and are having trouble finding their way home.

This is national news?

Every day of the year, in San Francisco and just about everywhere else in the world, homeless people down to their last pennies, their last hope, mentally ill people who have fallen through the cracks, can't afford their medication, etc., lose their way and can't find their way home. And people walk past them in the street as if they don't exist, and no one gives them cute names and devotes a week of national news coverage to them by following them in their first weeks on the street. No one seems to want to offer a way to help these poor souls find their way home.

But two farshtunkeneh whales? Delta and Dawn? This is national news?

Sorry, folks, no joke here, just a political statement. And I'm pleased to announce that when I delivered this in similar fashion on stage the other night I was met with a very satisfying round of applause.

Shabbat shalom!

T. Roth and Another Pretty Face, Soundgarden, Lodi, NJ, 5/18/07. The greatest glam rock band of the 70s reunites after a 25-year hiatus to confirm their status as such. Wow.

Rest In Peace, You Rotten Piece of Turd

So Jerry Falwell has left this earth. With absolutely no apologies, I feel the same way about his passing as I did when I heard the news about the passing of Sen. Pete Knight of California in May of '04 - raise your glasses high, champagne all 'round!

As a gay guy, I find it personally heartwarming that Falwell died on the same day that they announced the nominations for this year's Tony awards, aka our annual live internationally televised gay pride parade. I find great poetic justice in that.

Rest in peace, you rotten piece of turd.

P.S. That isn't a purse Tinky Winky is carrying - it's a tallis bag!

Tix are moving, reserve yours now!

Call Gotham Comedy Club at 212/367-9000 to reserve your tix for my performance at the New Talent Comedy Showcase this Saturday, May 19 at 5:30 PM. $10 cover, 2-drink minimum. Gotham Comedy Club is located at 208 W. 23 between 7th and 8th Aves.

Reserve now, get your laughs later - guaranteed!

New York! New Jersey! Connecticut, Pennysylvania!

Come see me on Saturday, May 19 at 5:30 pm at the New Talent Comedy Showcase at Gotham Comedy Club, 208 W.23rd between 7th and 8th Aves, NYC. $10 cover, 2-drink minimum. Info/reservations at 212/367-9000.

Life is good...

I competed in the semi-finals of the Rooster T. Feather's comedy competition last night, in Sunnyvale. 11 comics performed, 3 made it to the finals, I was not one of them. My good friends Samson Koletkar and Marty Grimes took 1st and 2nd, respectively. Tessie Chua took 3rd.

I am not disappointed, rather I am encouraged. It was an amazing evening. The place was packed, the energy in the room was palpable and every comic, including me if I may say so myself, delivered the goods.

These competitions can be unfair at times because the audience votes so sometimes a less than stellar comic can win if he or she stacks the room with friends and family. This was not the case last night. All 3 who made it to the finals were well-deserved wins.

I feel good. I have been doing comedy for less than a year, and in my first competition I made it to the semi-finals. Not bad. Now on to New York for May 19.

Come and see me on Saturday, May 19 at 5:30 PM at the New Talent Comedy Showcase at Gothem Comedy Club, 208 W. 23rd between 7th and 8th Aves. $10 cover, 2-drink minimum. Reservations/info - 212/367-9000.

See you in NYC!

Kenny Altman at Clubhouse, Naked Comedy 5/5/07

This was a great set, a great lineup, great audience, etc., all adding up to a great night!

Come see me this Wednesday 5/9 in the semi-finals of the Comedy Competition at Rooster T. Feathers, 157 W. El Camino Real, Sunnyvale. Tix $10. Info 408/736-0921. www.roostertfeathers.com

PLUS - NEW YORK CITY! I will be performing at the New Talent Showcase on Saturday, May 19, at 5:30 PM at Gotham Comedy Club, 208 W. 23rd between 7th and 8th Aves. $10 cover, 2 drink minimum. Make reservations at 212/367-9000.

Thanks for watching, enjoy!

Kenny Altman at Clubhouse, Naked Comedy 5/5/07

This is my set from last Saturday night at the Clubhouse - great lineup, great audience, great show!

Come see me - Wednesday, May 9, in the semi-finals of Rooster T. Feathers' comedy competition - see me perform, laugh at my jokes and enjoy my generally engaging youthful exuberance, and vote for me, in that order! Rooster's is at 157 W. El Camino Real in Sunnyvale. Tickets $10. Advance tickets highly recommended. 408/736-0921. http://roostertfeathers.com/

And on Saturday, May 19 at 5:30 PM at the Gotham Comedy Club's New Talent Showcase. Gotham Comedy Club is located at 208 W. 23rd between 7th and 8th Aves, in New York City, New York! $10 cover charge, 2-drink minimim. For info and reservations, call 212/367-9000

Kenny Altman at Clubhouse, Naked Comedy 5/5/07

This was tons of fun! Watch me start off by playing with a group of young women, all buxom and none of them shy about it. Check my schedule below and come and see me on May 9 in Sunnyvale (and vote for me!)

Also - just booked - Saturday, May 19, 5:30 PM at Gotham Comedy Club in NYC! Yes, gay religious rock and roll Jew is taking it to the Big Apple. Tix/info at 212-367-9000. Gotham Comedy Club is located at 208 W. 23rd Street between 7th and 8th Avenues.

Semi-finals - May 9!
New York City - May 19!

Come and see me - and vote for me - Wednesday, May 9, in the semi-finals of the 5th Annual Comedy Competition at Rooster T. Feathers, 157 W. El Camino Real, Sunnyvale. Doors at 7:15, show at 8:00. Tix $10. 408/736-0921. www.roostertfeathers.com

And come and see my New York City debut! I will be performing at the New Talent Showcase on Saturday, May 19 at 5:30 PM at Gotham Comedy Club in NYC. Gotham Comedy Club is located at 208 W. 23rd Street between 7th and 8th Aves. Call 212-367-9000 to make reservations. $10 cover, 2 drink minimum.

New Yorkers, Jerseyites, Philadelphians, come and see what the San Francisco comedy scene has been all a-twitter about for the past year and what this whole "gay, religious rock and roll Jew" stuff is all about!

Thank you!

Come and see me -

Wednesday, 5/2 at the Clubhouse Open Mic, 414 Mason Street, 7th floor, 8 pm, $5. http://lilmonkey.typepad.com/the_clubhouse/

Saturday, 5/5 at the Clubhouse Open Mic at 6 pm, $5, and at Naked Comedy at 9 pm, $10. (free if you attend the 6 pm show)

Wednesday, May 9, in the semi-finals of Rooster T. Feathers' comedy competition - see me perform, laugh at my jokes and enjoy my generally engaging youthful exuberance, and vote for me, in that order! Rooster's is at 157 W. El Camino Real in Sunnyvale. Tickets $10. Advance tickets highly recommended. 408/736-0921. http://roostertfeathers.com/

Watch my B-Movie Online commercial on youtube at

and tell your friends!