The essential components of a good pop song, in no particular order – (Note – in order to be a good pop song, the song need not contain all of these components, but without a doubt, the more the merrier.)


1. #1 rule, trumps all others – If you like it, it is a good pop song. If you get pleasure from listening to it, singing along with it, dancing to it, etc., it is a good pop song.

2. Basic structure – verse 1, chorus/hook, verse 2, chorus/hook, bridge/instrumental break, portion of verse 2 repeated, chorus/hook, fade. (Be My Baby)

3. A hook so catchy you are singing along with it the first time you hear the song. (I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend)

4. Background vocals are so strong, so present, and so infectious that you sing along with them as opposed to with the lead singer. (I’m Ready For Love)

5. Hand clapping – extra credit for double-time clapping inserted at regular intervals. (1, 2, 3, Red Light, Stacy's Mom)

6. Real instruments – e.g. no drum machines, and very, very, very limited use of synthesizers.

7. Anything by Annette Funicello, and just about anything by Shelley Fabares. Period.

8. Is it really a pop song if you can’t sing along to it? Lyrics must be intelligible, regardless of whether they are simple (Tracy) or somewhat meaty with a bit of a message (1985). Extra credit for predictable rhymes from line to line e.g. told you/hold you, maybe/baby, dance/romance, everything about you/can't live without you, etc. Important note - song is immediately disqualified if composer rhymes "sturgeon" with "virgin" as Sonny Bono once dared to do.

9. Requited love. (You Baby)

9 1/2. As opposed to unrequited love, of course. This doesn’t mean that every good pop song has to have a happy ending (or, for that fact, beginning or middle), but there needs to be, at the very least, the hope for someone to be happy, even if that someone might not be you. (This Diamond Ring)

9 3/4. If the love is not yet requited, the longing must be so palpable that you just know that something will happen. (Wait A Million Years)

10. Mentions dancing – extra credit for mentioning a certain dance, and extra-extra credit if said dance leads to #9 above, requited love. (Blame It On the Bossa Nova, I Like to Polka)

11. A pop song about pop music – extra credit if the pop music caused your baby to fall in love with you. (Who Put the Bomp)

12. Title of song is also the hook, so you don’t have to guess the name of the song the first time you hear it on the radio and then go down to Sam Goody to buy the 45. (I Wonder What’s She’s Doing Tonite)

13. Pays homage to The Beatles (I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend), The Beach Boys (She Did It) or The Rolling Stones (Bohemian Like You) without ripping them off.

14. A cover version that respects the importance of the original, while at the same time adding a little extra spice (I’ll Be Satisfied), or a slightly different twist (You Don’t Own Me) that was not in the original version.

15. “So bad it’s good.” This is a tricky area to venture into, not recommended for the pop song novice, because there are many recordings that cross the line into "so bad, it's really bad," case in point being Charlene's disastrous I've Never Been To Me, without a doubt one of the worst pop records of the 80s, if not of all time. (How that song ever reached #3 on the pop charts remains one of the great unexplained mysteries of my life.) However, more often than not, an enjoyable pop song can fall into the former category, with many factors to consider here, such as the “kitsch” factor or the pop-culture appeal of the singer, but still, the song must at least have a good enough hook to render it, at the very least, marginally palatable on occasional listenings. (Tell Mama)


Currently in heavy rotation on my “Good Pop” playlist, in no particular order – okay, okay, alphabetized by the name of the artist. (I like structure, so sue me, okay?) E-mail me for MP3 files.

1. 1, 2, 3, Red Light – 1910 Fruitgum Company, 1968
2. Blame It On the Bossa Nova - Annette Funicello, 1963
3. Jamaica Ska – Annette Funicello & Fishbone, 1987
4. Sugar, Sugar – The Archies, 1969 (To see the original video for Sugar, Sugar featuring Ron Dante on lead vocals, go to www.rondante.com/multimedia/Mov88.rm
5. Think For Yourself – The Beatles, 1965
6. The Word – The Beatles, 1965
7. You Don’t Own Me – Bette Midler, Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn, 1996
8. 1985 – Bowling For Soup, 2004
9. Girl All the Bad Guys Want – Bowling For Soup, 2002
10. Tracy – Cufflinks, 1969
11. Bohemian Like You – Dandy Warhols, 2000
12. She Did It – Eric Carmen, 1977
13. Stacy’s Mom – Fountains of Wayne, 2003
14. This Diamond Ring – Gary Lewis & The Playboys, 1965
15. Wait A Million Years – Grass Roots, 1968
16. Temptation Eyes – Grass Roots, 1970
17. Sooner or Later – Grass Roots, 1971
18. I’m Ready For Love – June Pointer, 1982
19. Dyer Maker – Led Zeppelin, 1973
20. The Ocean – Led Zeppelin, 1973
21. Scotty Doesn’t Know – Lustra, 2004
22. Tell Mama – Maureen McCormick, 1995
23. Who Put the Bomp – Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, 2001
24. I’ll Be There – Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, 2003
25. Baby It’s You – Phil Seymour, 1980
26. Precious To Me – Phil Seymour, 1980
27. I Like To Polka – Ron Romanovsky, 1992
28. Be My Baby – The Ronettes, 1963
29. I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend – The Rubinoos, 1979
30. I’ll Be Satisfied – Shakin’ Stevens, 1982
31. Teen Dream – Shaun Cassidy, 1977
32. It’s Been A Long, Long Time – Shelley Fabares, 1962
33. I Wonder What She’s Doing Tonite – Tommy Boyce & Bobby Hart, 1967
34. Alice Long (You’re Still My Favorite Girlfriend) – Tommy Boyce & Bobby Hart, 1967
35. You Baby – The Turtles, 1966

Thanks for listening, have a great day!

KA

I didn't write this, but I wish I had...

_______________________________________________

This letter to the editor appears in the June 28 edition of the San Francisco Chronicle -

Editor -- Thank you for your report on Marine Lance Cpl. James Blake Miller's personal battle with post-traumatic stress disorder and the fact that divorce rates have nearly doubled among active-duty military personnel since the beginning of the war in Iraq ("Stressed-out 'Marlboro Man' files for divorce," June 27).
So, please remind me again what poses more of threat to the institution of marriage: War or same-sex couples?


CHERYL MEYER
Napa

__________________________________________________

Thanks for listening, have a great day,

KA

Brokeback Mountain Revisited- what a difference six months makes.

Those of you who know me well will recall that, unlike most of the rest of the world, I was not crazy about Brokeback Mountain when I first saw it back in February of this year. There were a few things about it I was very unhappy, and very angry about. I remember complaining to my date on the way out of the theater, that it would be nice “if just once we could see a movie where the main gay character does not get bashed or, worse, killed, and it would be nice if just once we could see a film where the gay main characters live happily ever after.” (Movies that featured gay-bashing, and gays not living happily ever after include Torch Song Trilogy, and As Good As It Gets, although in all fairness to Harvey Fierstein the gay-bashing scene in TST was integral to the plot, while the gay-bashing scene in AGAIG was completely gratuitous.) For me, this was, at first glance, a movie written by straight people, for straight people. It was a movie that said, “see, gay people can never truly be happy, even when they know they are in love and have something good.”

I was also extremely frustrated and annoyed that, more often than not, Ennis’ (Heath Ledger) and Jack’s (Jack Gyllenhaal) drawls were so thick that I could hardly understand what they were saying. It made me feel as if I were missing half the movie.

Mostly, what disturbed me, and what colored my reaction to BBM, was the hype, and the media falling all over themselves to congratulate Ledger and Gyllenhaal for having the “courage” to play gay on film. Courage? To kiss another man on camera? Bulls**t! You want courage, I said, I’ll give you courage: try being openly gay in the year 2006, even in San Francisco, when we have a seated president who continues to lobby to have bigotry and discrimination written into the United States Constitution. Courage, you say, for two men to kiss each other on camera? Bah, humbug! Why does no one ever commend actors for portraying murderers? Is it because it is more acceptable in this sad state of affairs we currently call this country, for a man to kill another man, than to love another man? (Rhetorical question, doesn’t really need an answer – just look to the military for the answer to this one. They came out with a report today that refers to homosexuality as an illness, more than 30 years after the American Psychological Association ceased referring to it as such – amazing, but true – it’s okay to kill another man, but don’t ever, ever, dare to love one.)

I hate hype – interesting sentiment for someone who makes his living in marketing – and admittedly I am turned off by it. By the time I saw BBM, I had already been told by everyone and their grandmother that it was the best movie they had ever seen, and that I would love it. Heck, I’ll bet if Helen Keller (z’l”) were still walking among us, she'd probably be be finger-spelling to me that it was a great movie! And, knowing myself as well as I do, after all the hype I went in there one-quarter expecting to be bowled over, and three-quarters expecting to be disappointed and cynical. Again, to re-emphasize – I don’t like hype. As a stellar example, with the release of his first album in 1972, I did not fall head-over-heels in love with Bruce Springsteen, an act of defiance tantamount to treason for a New Jerseyite!

But now… I have picked up BBM on DVD. And now, far-removed from the initial hype, and thanks to the convenience of DVD – play, rewind, pause, skip/replay scenes, special bonus features (interviews with the actors, the director, Ang Lee, etc.) – I am seeing this movie for the gorgeous piece of work it truly is, the high-level piece of acting, directing, and filmmaking, that it truly is, on so many different levels. I’m not sure why I missed it the first time around, but I’m glad I’ve been given another chance.

About the gay-bashing – firstly, as I watch this again, the film does not make it clear to us if the gay-bashing really happened, or if this is Ennis’ imagination working in over-drive because, when he was nine years old, his father showed him the result of a fatal gay-bashing and told him "this is what happens to queers,” and it was this memory, of course, that contributed to his not being able to commit to Jack over the 20 years that they carried on their love affair. And, unfortunately, gay-bashing was most likely a real possibility in Childress, Texas in the early ‘80s, as it was then – and still is – in San Francisco. It’s an unfortunate fact of life, that as long as we have a government in power that marginalizes us and does everything to keep our children from receiving appropriate information about the facts of sexual orientation, a government that would prefer that we not even be allowed to adopt children, much less enter into civil contracts with each other, that these things happen and will continue to happen. Is it any wonder that the gay-bashing was the first thing Ennis thought of when he was told of the way Jack supposedly died? (Hit in the face with an exploding tire and drowning in his own blood before help arrived on the scene, or bashed to death with a tire iron? Which, to you, is more believable? For me, unfortunately, the bashing is.)

“A movie written by straight people, for straight people.” In a sense, yes, but more importantly, an honestly written and acted story about two men who were madly and desperately in love with each other but didn’t have the will or the courage (although Jack had a little more than Ennis did) or the resources to act on it. How many times has that happened with straight people, as well? For different reasons, of course, but it happens in straight life as often, and as painfully, as it happens in gay life. The pain that Ennis feels at the very end of the film – and the way that Ledger portrayed that pain – is universal, gay or straight. When Ennis holds Jack’s shirt to his face to attempt to catch one last fleeting scent of the man he loved for 20 years, as he utters the final words of the film, “Jack, I swear,” I can feel that pain. How many times have I, myself, either felt or imagined that pain, and how I might feel when, G-d forbid, I receive the news of the passing of someone I loved so dearly but who I knew I had to let go of, or someone who I thought let go of me too soon? How many times have I imagined that scene myself, looking at a picture of a former lover and telling that picture, “I swear, I never stopped loving you.” Life is good, most of the time, but an inevitable part of life is pain, and the pain that Ennis felt at that moment was as real, and as palpable, as any pain I’ve felt in my life, and I was right there with him as he held that shirt up to his nostrils and breathed it in. And Ledger and Gyllenhaal are both to be commended for the way in which they illustrated their love and their pain, emotions that truly transcend sexual orientation and are, simply, human.

The drawls are still indecipherable at times, but the important thing I have noticed after watching BBM again – and I have watched it at least four times straight through in the past week, and I’ve watched individual scenes several times more – is that it is the actions that speak louder than words. When Ennis falls, sobbing, into Jack’s arms, what he is saying is not as important as what he is feeling, and what he is feeling, and conveying to the viewer – that at that moment in time there is no place he’d rather be than in Jack’s arms – is so much more important than what is, or isn’t, coming out of his mouth.

The "courage" it takes to play gay? Thanks to the mainstream media, that was a load of crap then, and it is a load of crap still today.

This is a powerful, powerful movie, played beautifully and realistically by two giants in the acting field who deserve every accolade they've received for their performances, adapted and expanded upon with piercingly accurate detail by Diana Ossana and Larry McMurtry from E. Annie Proulx’ original short story – and guided lovingly through, from beginning to end, with the clarity of vision of a director who comes along but once in a lifetime – Ang Lee. If you didn’t like BBM the first time around, give it a second chance. I’m glad I did.

Thanks for listening, have a good day,

KA

Shame On You, Senator Boxer!

Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) recently had this to say about the issue of same-sex marriage - ""Spokesman David Sandretti added that Boxer "supports current California law, establishing domestic partnerships with the full rights and responsibility of marriage, and she also agrees with the law's definition that marriage is between a man and a woman." "

To which I responded by e-mailing to her at her Web site, http://boxer.senate.gov -

Separate but equal, Senator Boxer? SHAME ON YOU!

Kenneth Altman
San Francisco, CA

"I have seen the future of rock and roll, and its name is Bruce Springsteen" - Jon Landau, Rolling Stone Magazine, 1974

"It's still true!" Kenneth Altman, A Passable Ear Blog, June 6, 2006, after seeing Bruce Springsteen and the Seeger Sessions Band at the Sleeptrain (neé Concord) Pavilion. WOW! The guy's still got it! There are good performers all over the place, but there are a few - Springsteen certainly among them - who take it to the next level. Thanks, Bruce, good show.

Letter to the Editor - this letter appeared in the June 9, edition of the San Francisco Chronicle -

Editor -- Sen. Edward M. Kennedy was correct in characterizing the recent attempt to pass the federal marriage amendment as evidence that "The Republican leadership is asking us to spend time writing bigotry into the Constitution,'' to which Sen. Orrin Hatch responded, "Does he really want to suggest that over half of the United States Senate is a crew of bigots?''
While I don't assume to speak on behalf of Sen. Kennedy, I will respond with my own answer to Sen. Hatch's question with a confident "yes.'' Yes, Sen. Hatch, if you can support an amendment to the Constitution which would relegate a group of people to second-class citizenship, you are a bigot, and so is everyone else who would support such an amendment.

In the year 2006, the issue is plain and simple, black-and-white: If you don't support the right of gay and lesbian people to enter into civil contracts with each other (which, after all, is what a marriage contract really is), you are a bigot. This is the legacy that you will pass on, when you pass on.

KENNETH ALTMAN

I didn't write this, but I wish I had...

Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
- Mark Twain, 1894