A Passable Ear/Comedian Kenny Altman

Dan Kliman, R.I.P.

2008-12-03T18:44:00.000-08:00

Those of us who knew Dan Kliman are devastated by the news of his death this past week, apparently from a fall down an elevator shaft in a building in San Francisco on Tuesday, November 25. His body was discovered by workers in that building on December 1.

Dan was, simply put, a pretty special guy, someone I am richer for having known.

I was one of the first people, if not the first, that Dan met when he first moved here several years ago. He communicated on the "frumgays" listserv that he was moving to the Bay Area and was interested in meeting with other gay Jews. Since Dan told us up front that he was a vegetarian, a bunch of friends and I from the "frumgays" listserv met him at Herbivore on Divisadero Street in SF. We were impressed by seeing him ride up on his collapsible bike, which we eventually came to realize was all but surgically attached to his body. We were also impressed by how outgoing, friendly and intelligent he was; the fact that he was so darn cute was an extra added plus. :)

I introduced Dan to some friends of mine in Oakland, and they ended up being very good friends. I feel good about having been the initial conduit for that friendship.

Dan and I even went on a date once. It was on a Sunday afternoon, November 16, 2003. I remember the date so well because it was the same day I learned that my mother had broken her hip. My mother subsequently died in surgery a few days after that. Who knows? Perhaps if I hadn't spent the week and a half after our first date tending to my family and then sitting Shiva, there might have been a second date. :)

Dan and I shared a lot of the same passion and excitement about being both Jewishly observant and 100% unapologetic about being openly gay, and that those two characteristics did not ever need to be mutually exclusive of each other but that rather, in fact, they complemented each other.

Dan was also the founder of the organization SF Voice for Israel and a fervent, intelligently well-spoken Israel supporter.

And he was so much more. Just Google his name and you will see how far and wide his circle reached, and just how much ground he covered in only 38 years.

Anyone who knew Dan is devastated by this news. Zichrono l'vracha - may his memory always be for a blessing.

Kenny Altman
San Francisco, CA
December 3, 2008

Letter to the Editor, SF Chronicle 11/29/08

2008-11-30T08:23:00.000-08:00

I am very proud of this letter that appeared in the SF Chronicle this weekend, and I’d be honored if you took a moment or two to read it. Here's the link, text below.

To put it in context, I am commenting on an article about people who supported Prop. 8 who are now carping and whining that people are threatening to boycott their businesses and, allegedly, their livelihoods. My heart does NOT bleed for them in the least bit.

Rightful challenges to Prop. 8 supporters

Editor - I must take issue with John Diaz's assessment of the Proposition 8 aftermath ("The ugly backlash over Proposition 8," Nov. 23). People who support Prop. 8 cannot have it both ways. They cannot expect to revoke an entire group of people's civil rights and then cry "foul" if someone decides to contact them personally and call them on it.

I am not advocating any type of personal physical attack and I am certainly not advocating attacking someone's family members, especially minor children, but yes, if an adult makes a public statement supporting Prop. 8, he or she needs to understand that those of us who are affected by their opinions might choose not to sit back in silence and we might take it upon ourselves to approach these people and to challenge them on their opinions. Accordingly, if that person is a business owner, they need to understand that we might take our checkbooks and do business elsewhere.

Try this on the other foot, perhaps. Try to imagine what we, as LGBT people, must face every single day because we choose to make public statements about who we are, merely by attempting to live our lives openly and proudly and by advocating for, and at times even demanding, the equal protection under the law that we are entitled to.

Personally, I am offended almost every day by liars, frauds and propagandists who have never met me but at the same time profess to be experts on who I am and how I live my life. I am offended by those people talking about me as if I were some abstract concept and not a real human being, someone who feels and someone who hurts. The backlash I feel every single day of my life is ugly. Yet, I go on. The Prop. 8 supporters need to do the same. Prop. 8 hurts everyone. If someone thinks they are bold enough to make a public statement supporting legalized discrimination, they need to expect that there might be non-violent consequences to their statement, that they will be challenged, and deservedly so. Seems to me that the people who support Prop. 8 can dish it out, but they can't take it. Of course, I'm not surprised. That, my friends, is the true definition of a bully.

KENNY ALTMAN

San Francisco

Naughty Pediatrician! (a real person, not a '70s porn flick)

2008-11-05T17:40:00.000-08:00

This is Dr. Jane Anderson. She is a naughty, naughty pediatrician. Oh what the heck, say it, she's just plain bad.

Here's why.

No on Prop 8 - a simple matter of equal protection under the law

2008-11-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

This went out via e-mail the other night to my e-mail address book:
_________________________________

Dear Friends, Family and Other Acquaintances,

I have never done this before, this being sending a message to my entire address book. I have thought long and hard about whether to send this message, I would prefer to not have to do it, but I feel as if I have been left with no choice but to do so.

You are receiving this message either because I know you, have known you, or because you have made it into my address book for one reason or another. If you are my brother you are receiving this message, if you are a comic who gave me your business card at a show, if you are in customer service at LandsEnd.com (Nu?! You thought I shopped at Saks?!), you are receiving this message. My intent is neither to offend nor intrude, but rather to inform, and I would most gratefully appreciate your taking the time to read this through.

I am asking you, if you are a California voter who has not yet voted, to remember to vote no on Proposition 8 this coming Tuesday, November 4.

Let me first tell you briefly what Proposition 8 is NOT, and then what it is.

Proposition 8 is NOT about same-sex marriage, and it is NOT about gay rights. It is NOT about what we teach or don’t teach our children in school, and it is most certainly NOT about what someone does, or doesn’t do, in his or her bedroom.

Proposition 8, if passed, would eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in California. It is about denying one group of people equal protection under the law, and about amending the California state constitution to legalize discrimination, to relegate one group of people to second-class status. It is nothing more, and it is nothing less. And, in my humble opinion, I can’t think of anything scarier and more un-American than that.

I ask you, please, to vote no on Proposition 8 and, if you are able, to donate to the No on 8 campaign, at http://www.noonprop8.com/.

If you are offended by this message, please be assured that the offense is unintentional, and please accept my apology. But, at the same time, please understand that I am offended by Proposition 8. I am offended almost every day of my life, and even more so during election season, by liars, frauds and propagandists who have never met me but at the same time profess to be experts on who I am and how I live my life. I am offended by those people talking about me as if I were some abstract concept, and not a real human being. And I must tell you that I am offended, and appalled, by the amount of money that has been poured into this divisive, discriminatory measure, mostly by out-of-state so-called religious groups, money that could easily have gone to provide food or clothing for people in need, textbooks for public schools and so much more. Moreover, I am saddened by the amount of money that the No on 8 campaign has had to raise in turn, to counter these efforts to legalize discrimination. In the past month, I have donated close to $100 to No on 8. For those of you who know me, that is a lot of money for me to put out in one month. But, as I said above regarding the sending of this message, I feel as if I have had absolutely no choice but to donate whatever I reasonably could, and then a little more on top of that.

That’s all I can say at this point. Many of you who know me well know that I can be rather long-winded at times, more so when discussing an issue about which I am especially passionate, in this case equal protection under the law. I have tried to keep this as short as I possibly could. I thank you for your time, your consideration, and your support in this matter, and I wish you nothing but the best.

Kenny Altman
San Francisco, California
October 29, 2008

Guest Writer, Allan Altman, On Same-Sex Marriage and Demanding More of Our Candidates and Elected Officials

2008-10-12T18:40:00.000-07:00

My brother, Allan Altman, wrote this piece, which has been submitted to the New York Times as well as to the Barack Obama Web site. I think it's brilliant, but seeing as it was written by my brother I'm not surprised that it is brilliant!

____________________________________

The press and the media have given both candidates and their running mates a free ride on the issue of same-sex marriage. I can't think of another issue which is allowed to be addressed without the requirement of any evidence of rational thought.

The dissenting judges in the recent decision to permit same-sex marriage in Connecticut were not as fortunate. They were obligated to explain their reasoning. According to The New York Times, “Justice David M. Bordon contended that there was no conclusive evidence that civil unions are inferior to marriages, and he argued that gay people have ‘unique and extraordinary’ political power that does not warrant heightened constitutional protections.” The other dissenting opinion reported in the
Times was from Justice Peter T. Zarella, who claimed that marriage laws are bound up with the issue of procreation and therefore don’t apply to gay people. Apparently forgetting that some senior citizens marry long after the possibility of procreation has passed, he wrote “The ancient definition of marriage as the union of one man and one woman has its basis in biology, not bigotry.”

So, one Justice sees gay people as already having “unique and extraordinary” political power and another sees this as an issue of “biology.” The similarity to the Nazis' profile of Jews as both all-powerful and genetically-tainted is uncanny. But beyond that, how can any competent lawyer or judge accept either of these arguments as logically sound? It is as though rational thought is irrelevant when gay issues are raised. This may be true (and understandable, even acceptable) in everyday personal interactions, but don’t we expect a different response from people who interpret our country’s laws? Don’t we expect more from people who govern?

In terms of the presidential candidates, it is shocking that no one ever seems to ask them why they don’t believe that same-sex marriage is a natural civil right. Their objection to it is apparently so obvious to the unwashed masses that they are not required to present a cogent, rational, law-based response that takes into account the supposed separation of church and state.

Of course, I understand that openly promoting same-sex marriage might mean certain failure on November 4, just as running as an Abolitionist in early 19th-century America might have been absurd. But once the election is over and we have a new team in the White House, should it not be incumbent upon them to give us a rational explanation of why they oppose same-sex marriage? Is that asking too much? Or will we continue with Bush’s tactic of applying “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” to the actions of the next President?

Allan Altman
New York, NY
October 12, 2008

The choice for this November is so simple, even a 10-year-old gets it!

2008-08-31T12:16:00.000-07:00

I called my 10-year-old, Reuben, the other day, Friday August 29 to be exact, to wish him a happy birthday. I call him "my 10-year-old" because I have known him since before he was born, as I have known his sister, Ruth, since she was about a year old. Reuben's and Ruth's parents, Katherine and Henry, are two of my closest friends in San Francisco. We live just two and a half blocks from each other, and have spent more Friday night Shabbat dinners with each other over the past 10 years than we haven't. When I was sick earlier this month and couldn't leave the house for several days, without hesitating for a second they looked in on me every day, brought me food, etc., as did some of my other good friends; if that's not family, I don't know what is, hence I call him "my 10-year-old."

In any case, I called Reuben to wish him a happy birthday. "Happy birthday," I said. He replied with "well, it might be my birthday, but it's not very happy." Concerned, I asked why. "Because," he said, "it's John McCain's birthday, too!"

Yup. So simple even a 10-year-old gets it.

Thanks for listening, have a great day!

Just One of the Girls is Just Six Days Away! Get Your Tickets Now!

2008-06-01T21:40:00.001-07:00

On Saturday night, June 7, join Kenny Altman and four - or five - perhaps even six - of the Bay Area's hottest female comics at this brand-new comedy showcase, Just One of the Girls!

Just One of the Girls!
Saturday night, June 7, 8 pm
MetroSpace, 379 Highland (at Andover), San Francisco
$10 tix online at www.brownpapertickets.com/event/34769

Your host - Kenny Altman
Starring - Dana LoVecchio
Featuring - Beth Schumann
With - Candy Churilla, Loren Kraut, and Morgan

Kenny Altman holds the distinction of being San Francisco's only Stand-up Comic and Torah Trope instructor. He recently co-hosted the popular "Gays and Dolls" series at the Clubhouse in San Francisco, has played at clubs all over the U.S. and has shared the stage with such luminaries as Marga Gomez, Karen Ripley, Jeff Applebaum, Kid Dave Miller, and more. As a young child coming of age in the 1960s, his mother and grandmother used to tell him that he was "funnier than Alan King" but Kenny always knew there was more to him that just that - he also knew that he was "prettier than Julie Andrews." Kenny has always had a special place in his heart for female comics and he is especially excited to be bringing this new comedy showcase to San Francisco, especially with this smokin' hot lineup for the show's debut:

Dana LoVecchio started performing comedy shows at the age of 7 in Michelle Meade's backyard. She continued performing throughout elementary school, where she would shove peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in her face to make the kids at the lunch table laugh. Upon her graduation from John F. Kennedy High School, Dana was awarded the high honor of Most Likely To Appear On Def Comedy Jam. Not being black, Dana was perplexed, but then she remembered her southern Italian roots and silently thanked her ancestors for getting it on with the Moors. She has performed all over the San Francisco Bay Area including The San Jose Improv, Rooster T Feather's, The Purple Onion, The Clubhouse, and Cobb's Comedy Club.

Beth Schumann is one of the founding members of the Mixed Nuts: Comics on Meds stand up comedy troupe, which features comedians on medication for a wide variety of mental health disorders, raising awareness and laughter at the same time. Beth is also a regular with Grace White's Women Who Kick Comedy Butt. Beth has shared the stage with Rob Cantrell, James P. Connolly, Jimmy Dore, Will Durst, Al Madrigal, Phil Palisoul, Tom Pecora, Tom Rhodes, Dwight Slade, Bobby Slayton, Harland Williams, and more.

Candy Churilla was born and raised in Scranton, Pennsylvania, where she learned to drink. This proud bachelorette's life is one misunderstanding, man, and cocktail after another. What this lovably twisted comic lacks in self-control she makes up for in self-involvement. If her life were an HBO series, it would be called Sex & the Ghetto

Loren Kraut can be seen far and wide touching or counting anything that needs touching or counting. At the recent San Francisco Comedy College Awards, Loren won "Most Inspirational Comedian" for 2008.

Morgan is a former ironworker from Island Heights, New Jersey. Really, do you need to know more than that?!

Let Arnold Know You Support Equal Protection Under The Law!

2008-05-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone. The California Supreme court decision on same-sex marriage was historic, a long time coming, hard fought and about time.

As I have said a thousand times over, however, this was not specifically about same-sex marriage, nor was it specifically about homosexuality. It was, specifically, about equal protection under the law.

Not surprisingly Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is receiving large numbers of phone calls from opponents of equal protection under the law about his comment to a group of Log Cabin Republicans that he wouldn't support a constitutional amendment to ban equal protection under the law.

We don't want him to go back on his word.

He must hear from us too.

The aide I spoke to yesterday was so glad I called as most of his calls were from the "other side." Call, email or write him and THANK him for his support, and to support the Supreme Court's decision.

It is automated and you will not talk to anyone, just push the number for pro Supreme Court decision.

To vote in support of the Supreme Court's decision on equal protection under the law:
call 1-916-445-2841
press 1, 5, 1, 1

It couldn't be easier to vote... please take 15 seconds right now to do it!

To email go to http://gov.ca.gov/interact , hit email tab and select Supreme Court decision on Same Sex Marriage. On the next screen you must click PRO. Then just a couple of words of thanks are all you need. No long letter which no one will read anyway.

State Capitol Building
Sacramento, CA 95814
Phone: 916-445-2841
Fax: 916-558-3160 (new number)

Anything you do will be most appreciated!

Oh, and while you're at it, go to http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/34769 to purchase advance tickets for my hot new comedy showcase, Just One of the Girls!

Just One of the Girls Premieres Saturday Night, June 7!

2008-05-23T15:35:00.000-07:00

I must be dreaming - please, pinch me! (No, really, pinch me, I like it!)

2008-05-17T12:35:00.000-07:00

I'm agreeing with, and appreciating, something Arnold Schwarzenegger is saying?! Are there no limits to the miracles this world has to offer?!

Governor Backs Same-sex Marriage Ruling

Matthew Yi, Chronicle Staff Writer

San Francisco Chronicle, May 17, 2008

A day after the state Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples should have the right to marry in California, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said Friday that he supports the court's decision even though his personal view is that "marriage is between a man and a woman."

Advocates of same-sex marriage have praised Schwarzenegger for embracing Thursday's decision, which overturned a voter-approved law allowing only opposite-sex marriage. They also expect him to make good on his promise last month to help fight a new initiative, aimed for the November ballot, that would overturn the court's ruling.

But the Republican governor's stance on same-sex marriage has been curious and confusing to many people. Since his election in 2003, Schwarzenegger has twice vetoed bills to legalize marriage for homosexual couples.

Last month, he appeared to make an about-face, placing himself in the spotlight when he told a group of gay Republicans that he would campaign against the Limit on Marriage initiative. Backers of the measure have submitted more than 1 million signatures to the secretary of state's office, which will decide next month whether the initiative qualifies.

In a meeting with The Chronicle's editorial board on Friday, Schwarzenegger was asked to clarify his position.

"First, I have always said that for me, marriage is between a man and a woman," he said.

Then he added: "But I don't want to make everyone else go in that direction."

Schwarzenegger said he vetoed same-sex marriage legislation because he felt the Legislature shouldn't override voter-approved Proposition 22, which had defined marriage as between a man and a woman and was nullified by the high court on Thursday.

However, the governor said he doesn't necessarily feel the same when it comes to the Supreme Court overturning a statute enacted by a voter initiative.

"When the people vote, people are not legal experts, constitutional experts or any of that," he said. "I think that's why we have the courts. People may vote with good intentions, but then the court says, 'This is not constitutional.'

"It's not that the court interferes with the will of the people," he added. "But the court says, 'You voted for something, but it's not constitutionally right, so let's rework this.' That's really the idea."

While he supports the notion that same-sex couples should enjoy the same protections as heterosexual couples, the governor said same-sex marriage is not something that he has felt strongly about. He added that he has attended ceremonies for domestic partnerships.

Schwarzenegger's outspoken rejection of the proposed Limit on Marriage initiative gives the opposition campaign a huge lift, said Barbara O'Connor, director of the Institute for the Study of Politics and the Media at Sacramento State University.

John J. Pitney Jr., a political science professor at Claremont McKenna College, said the biggest boost that the governor can have in that campaign would be in fundraising.

Meanwhile, Republican campaign consultant Kevin Spillane said he believes that the proposed measure, if it qualifies for the fall ballot, could lift the Republican Party's "dispirited conservative base."

But just how that might play out in the presidential or other local elections will be complicated to figure out, he said.

"Gay marriage is a tough issue for both parties," he said. "You'll have socially moderate and younger Republican voters who may be more supportive of gay marriage, but then you also have African American and Latino Democratic voters who are more socially conservative."

Schwarzenegger said he doesn't think same-sex marriages in the coming months will stir up Californians much.

"I think life will go on as usual," he said.

On the Radio with John Rothmann this Saturday night/Sunday morning!

2008-05-16T17:31:00.000-07:00

Friends - It's a beautiful day here in the United States of America; thanks to yesterday's groundbreaking decision by the California Supreme Court, which will make same-sex marriage legal in this state in 30 days, I feel, for the first time in a long time, as if this battle we are fighting for equal protection under the law might actually have a good ending, and perhaps even sooner than I’d hoped or dreamed. I only wish Ennis and Jack could be here to share this moment with us!

My friend Morgan (that's her in the pic up top) and I will be on the John Rothmann show this weekend on KGO radio – Saturday night/Sunday morning, from 2:00 – 3:00 a.m. to discuss our reactions to this monumentally momentous moment in history, and to take calls from listeners. We’ll probably even get to tell some jokes and plug the June 7 premiere of Just One of the Girls, the hottest comedy showcase to hit San Francisco since Gays and Dolls!

You can listen to KGO radio at 810 on your AM dial, or on the internet at www.kgoam810.com/listenlive.asp

More info on JOOTG at www.kennyaltman.blogspot.com/2008/05/just-one-of-girls-premieres-saturday.html .

Peace, love, and shabbat shalom to all,

Kenny A.

Just One of the Girls Premieres Saturday Night, June 7!

2008-05-11T16:12:00.000-07:00

On Saturday night, June 7, join Kenny Altman and four - or five - perhaps even six - of the Bay Area's hottest female comics at this brand-new comedy showcase, Just One of the Girls!

Just One of the Girls!
Saturday night, June 7, 8 pm
MetroSpace, 379 Highland (at Andover), San Francisco.
$10 tix online at www.brownpapertickets.com/event/34769
Your host - Kenny Altman
Starring - Dana LoVecchio
Featuring - Beth Schumann
With - Candy Churilla, Loren Kraut, and Morgan

Kenny Altman holds the distinction of being San Francisco's only Stand-up Comic and Torah Trope instructor. He recently co-hosted the popular "Gays and Dolls" series at the Clubhouse in San Francisco, has played at clubs all over the U.S. and has shared the stage with such luminaries as Marga Gomez, Karen Ripley, Jeff Applebaum, Kid Dave Miller, and more. As a young child coming of age in the 1960s, his mother and grandmother used to tell him that he was "funnier than Alan King" but Kenny always knew there was more to him that just that - he also knew that he was "prettier than Phyllis Diller." Kenny has always had a special place in his heart for female comics and he is especially excited to be bringing this new comedy showcase to San Francisco, especially with this smokin' hot lineup for the show's debut:

Dana LoVecchio started performing comedy shows at the age of 7 in Michelle Meade's backyard. She continued performing throughout elementary school where she would shove peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in her face to make the kids at the lunch table laugh. Upon her graduation from John F. Kennedy High School, Dana was awarded the high honor of Most Likely To Appear On Def Comedy Jam. Not being black, Dana was perplexed, but then she remembered her southern Italian roots and silently thanked her ancestors for getting it on with the Moors. She has performed all over the San Francisco Bay Area including The San Jose Improv, Rooster T Feather's, The Purple Onion, The Clubhouse, and Cobb's Comedy Club.

Beth Schumann is one of the founding members of the Mixed Nuts: Comics on Meds stand up comedy troupe, which features comedians on medication for a wide variety of mental health disorders, raising awareness and laughter at the same time. Beth is also a regular with Grace White's Women Who Kick Comedy Butt. Beth has shared the stage with Rob Cantrell, James P. Connolly, Jimmy Dore, Will Durst, Al Madrigal, Phil Palisoul, Tom Pecora, Tom Rhodes, Dwight Slade, Bobby Slayton, Harland Williams, and more.

Candy Churilla was born and raised in Scranton, Pennsylvania, where she learned to drink. This proud bachelorette's life is one misunderstanding, man, and cocktail after another. What this lovably twisted comic lacks in self-control she makes up for in self-involvement. If her life were an HBO series, it would be called Sex & the Ghetto.

Loren Kraut can be seen far and wide touching or counting anything that needs touching or counting. At the recent San Francisco Comedy College Awards, Loren won "Most Inspirational Comedian" for 2008.

Morgan is a former ironworker from Toms River, New Jersey. Really, do you need to know more than that?!

Mother's Day 2008 - Remembering "Mommy"

2008-05-09T11:03:00.002-07:00

An oldie, but a goodie - this was the first piece I published to my blog, back in the olden days of 2005, in observance of Mother's Day and in tribute to my dear, darling mother, who I miss each and every day with an ache that is hard to define. Thank you for taking the time to read it, and for your comments.

My Cousin Vinny/My Mother Marion
Mother’s Day, for obvious reasons, has a different flavor for me these days than it once did. No more phone calls, no good-natured “gut yontiff” which I always began my calls with on secular or national holidays, no more of that sweet voice on the other end of the line. No more recipe sharing, no more cat stories, no more laughs at the expense of public figures, no more of her rich stories about growing up on New York's Lower East Side, no more plans for my next trip to New Jersey. Now, it’s all just memories.

Still, however, even with someone no longer physically here, there is always the opportunity to continue to learn from that person, and in the most unexpected ways.

For the last few years of my mother’s life, her three favorite movies were “Legally Blonde,” “Miss Congeniality” and “My Cousin Vinny.” Along with her other favorite new show, “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” she watched these movies often, sometimes just a scene or two at a time, thanks to HBO On Demand. I love "Enthusiasm" and I will never forget how my mother and I screamed with laughter, a week before she died, at the restaurant scene featuring the Tourette Syndrome-afflicted head chef.* As for the movies, I tried to watch them with her a few times, but for some reason I didn’t get what the fuss was all about. Unfortunately, I never asked. Save for Marisa Tomei’s Academy Award-winning scene on the courtroom stand in “Vinny,” I just couldn’t see what she saw in those films.

Several weeks ago, I decided to sit down for once and for all and watch these movies and try to see what it was my mother saw in them. So I watched them, at home, by myself, on three successive evenings. All of a sudden I got it, and all of a sudden I knew my mother all over again.

It’s so simple that I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I missed it while my mother was alive. You see, “Blonde,” “Congeniality” and “Vinny” are essentially the same movie. In each movie, a smart, good-looking woman (Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock and Tomei respectively) is told that she is neither smart nor competent enough to make it in a so-called man’s world, or she is told she is either too good-looking to be taken seriously (Witherspoon as a law student, Tomei as an expert witness on the differences between the 1964 Buick Skylark and the 1963 Pontiac Tempest) or not good-looking enough to be taken seriously (Bullock as a beauty pageant contestant). In each film, they prove everyone wrong and, of course, as the underdog does so often in the movies, they save the day. (As an aside, if you think that “Vinny” was all about Joe Pesci, it wasn’t; rather, it was about Tomei, and you owe it to yourself to watch "Vinny" again from this perspective.)

This was something my mother talked about from time to time, during some of our more serious conversations, that she knew she was smart and competent but that she felt she had never been given what she thought were ample opportunities to prove it. My mother graduated high school at age 16 and went straight to work, full-time, as a legal secretary. This is what she did, but it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to do. What my mother wanted was to go to college; in my humble opinion, and with all due respect to the honorable profession of the legal secretary, she should have gone not only to college, but to law school as well. But this was 1943. Of course, women were going to college and to law school in 1943, but many at that time, my mother included, were still taking the more widely accepted route of the secretary-in-waiting-to-meet-her-man.

My mother met her man, my father Saul, when she was 20. She married him two years later, on March 19, 1949, and two and a half years after that my brother Howard was born. I followed in December of 1954, and our brother Allan came along six years and change after that. At the time Howard was born, my mother left her secretarial career behind to devote herself to raising her family. I'm not sure if she regretted not going back to work outside the home, however I do suspect that there was a part of her that secretly wished she could have gone back at some point in time, perhaps when my younger brother and I were approaching our teens, but she never did. When she was widowed in 1982, at age 55, my mother had the opportunity to go back to work. But she didn’t. “I just spent 30 years raising three children,” was her response. “I’m retired.”

And retire she did. But not exactly. My mother read constantly, and she used the radio and the television not only to entertain, but to learn from as well. She was continually expanding her already vast knowledge of all things great and small. For someone who hadn’t worked outside the home since her early 20’s, she knew more about what was wrong with the world than most world leaders could ever dream of knowing. She was smart, she was competent, and of course, she was beautiful, and each day of her life she was a little bit more of each of those things than she had been the day before.

What I learned from my mother about rooting for the underdog, about speaking up when you know that something isn't right, was immeasurable and irreplaceable, and I carry it with me every day of my life. I should not be surprised at all that today, 18 months after her passing, she is still teaching me things.

In the three months preceding my mother’s passing, I danced with her at two weddings and a Bat Mitzvah. On Sunday, November 16, 2003, a week after our last dance together, my mother fell and broke her hip. Two days later, during surgery, she suffered a massive brain-stem stroke and she never came back. I was with her when her medical team disconnected her life support, and I was with her for the next eight and a half hours. I was in the room when she stopped breathing, at which point I took the nurse’s stethoscope and listened to my mother's heartbeat for the last few minutes of her life. It was the most powerfully intimate moment I ever shared with another human being, and I wouldn’t trade that moment for anything in this world. Except, of course, for the opportunity to sit down with my mother and watch one of those three movies, the most recent additions to her ongoing gifts and her ongoing legacy to me.

Helen Keller once said that she was not afraid of dying, that “...death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.” Funny, now that my mother is gone, I no longer fear death the way I once did. To paraphrase Keller, I also know that in that next room I will continue to see and hear, and in that next room I will find my mother, and my father, and so many others who have gone but have never really left me, and who still have the power and the ability to teach me new things.

If you are a mother, I wish you health and happiness today and every day of your life. If you have a mother, please give her an extra hug today, and tell her it is from me.

Kenneth Altman
San Francisco, California
May 8, 2005

*no Tourette Syndrome patients were harmed in the writing of this piece.

I probably don't have the time to go out and prove this, but...

2008-05-02T17:10:00.000-07:00

Deborah Jeane Palfrey (3/18/56-5/1/08)

I highly doubt the DC Madam killed herself.

Shabbat shalom, have a great weekend!

Kenny

The Redwood City Skyline, Four of the Bay Area's Best and Brightest, Free Nachos - are you in yet?!

2008-04-30T20:13:00.000-07:00

Redwood City Skyline

I will be at the Villa Roma at 593 Woodside Road in Redwood City, on Wednesday May 7 at 8 pm with host Dan Edwards (current semi-finalist, Rooster T. Feather’s 6th Annual Comedy Competition), Christine Gelat (also a current semi-finalist, Rooster T. Feather’s!) and headliner Jeff Applebaum (The Rat Pack, The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson). No cover, no minimum, plus FREE pub grub. (Holy crap, Kenny, did you say free food?!) Yeah, hotdogs, nachos, popcorn and more – all free!

Friends, this is a great new comedy series that Dan Edwards is putting together. I am honored to be in the company of these great comics, and I would so greatly appreciate your support in coming out to see this show; you will not be disappointed. Several of you came to see me in the Marga’s Funny Tuesdays show recently at Harvey’s in the Castro – thank you for that! I love it when people I know are in the audience, and the bookers love it even more, especially when you buy lots and lots of drinks!*

Thank you for supporting live comedy.

*Please make sure you have a designated driver or, if you’re Jewish, a designated whiner. :)

Wednesday, May 7 in Redwood City!

2008-04-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

Redwood City Skyline

I will be at the Villa Roma at 593 Woodside Road in Redwood City, on Wednesday May 7 at 8 pm with host Dan Edwards (current semi-finalist, Rooster T. Feather’s 6th Annual Comedy Competition), Christine Gelat (also a current semi-finalist, Rooster T. Feather’s!) and headliner Jeff Applebaum (The Rat Pack, The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson). No cover, no minimum, plus FREE pub grub. (Holy crap, Kenny, did you say free food?!) Yeah, hotdogs, nachos, popcorn and more – all free!

Friends, this is a great new comedy series that Dan Edwards is putting together. I am honored to be in the company of these great comics, and I would so greatly appreciate your support in coming out to see this show; you will not be disappointed. Several of you came to see me in the Marga’s Funny Tuesdays show recently at Harvey’s in the Castro – thank you for that! I love it when people I know are in the audience, and the bookers love it even more, especially when you buy lots and lots of drinks!*

Thank you for supporting live comedy; enjoy it while we still have a First Amendment!

To those of you of the 12-tribes of Israel persuasion, hope you are enjoying your Passover. It is one of my favorites!

*Please make sure you have a designated driver or, if you’re Jewish, a designated whiner. :)

I've Never Heard Anything Like This In My Life

2008-04-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered Johnny Cash's "American V: A Hundred Highways" and I haven't stopped listening to it for close to a week.

The 12 songs on this CD are among the last that Cash recorded before his death on September 12, 2003, at the age of 71. From the opening track, Larry Gatlin's "Help Me" to the prophetic closer, "I'm Free from the Chain Gang Now," a re-recording of a song written by Lewis Herscher and Saul Klein in 1932, that Cash first recorded in 1962, every single second of this recording is a gem and the most fitting epitaph to the memory of the man and the legend that he deserves to be. Other stand-out tracks here include a gorgeous cover of Gordon Lightfoot's "If You Could Read My Mind," and "Like the 309," the last song Cash ever wrote.

Discovering and enjoying new music has been a constant in my life since I purchased my first 45, The Crystals' "He's A Rebel," in 1962. At one time I had over 3,000 LPs and close to that many 45s, and at present I have over 13,000 songs in my iTunes library - and, still, after all these years, I am amazed and I feel blessed beyond belief when I get to discover something new that rocks my world. This is one of those times. I listen to these tracks over and over again and just keep remarking to myself "I've never heard anything like this in my life." For someone who has listened to a lot of music, that is quite a statement!

This is what I call a "perfect album," my definition of which is that this is something you can't help but listen to from beginning to end, as opposed to just a track or two at a time. There are a lot of other "perfect albums" in my collection, ranging from Cindy Bullens' "Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth" to The Grateful Dead's "American Beauty" to The Beatles' "Rubber Soul" to Laura Nyro's "Eli and the 13th Confession," and I am so glad to be able to add this amazing piece of work to that elite group, where it deserves to be.

Now, I begin the happy chore of purchasing the other four albums from his "American" collection.

Thanks for listening, enjoy yourselves!

Kenny A.

What's The Big Frikking Deal?!

2008-04-17T06:06:00.000-07:00

What is the big deal being made about this horrible actor with a really bad English accent from "The Jeffersons" visiting the U.S.? Cameras everywhere, capturing his every move?! What's the big deal?

Oh, Pope Benedict. Never mind.

Marga's Funny Tuesdays - HOLY CRAP, That's Tonight!

2008-04-07T17:45:00.000-07:00

Come and see me on Tuesday, April 8, 9 pm at Harvey's, 500 Castro Street, SF - Marga's Funny Tuesdays, with the legendary, the incomparable, and the just plain frikking funny Marga Gomez, host Candy Churilla, Dana Corey, headliner Ali Mafi, and ME! Free - no cover.

Thanks for supporting live comedy, come out and have some laughs!

14 Reasons to Join the Israeli Army

2008-04-02T19:02:00.000-07:00

It gets bigger if you click on it. :)

Gays and Dolls/Marga's Funny Tuesdays

2008-03-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

Come and see me this month -

Thursday, April 3, 8 pm at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, SF - Gays and Dolls, the most fabulously funny comedy showcase in town, featuring female and gay male comics. Thursday's host is Ryan Kasmier, headliner is Beth Schumann, and you'll also get to see Dana Lovecchio, Nick Leonard, Lisa Meyers, Bev Owen, and ME! $8. www.brownpapertickets.com/event/25984

Tuesday, April 8, 9 pm at Harvey's, 500 Castro Street, SF - Marga's Funny Tuesdays, with Marga Gomez, host Candy Churilla, Dana Corey, headliner Ali Mafi, and ME! Free - no cover.

Thanks for supporting live comedy, come out and have some laughs on me! And enjoy some rock and roll from two of the greatest voices of all time - Ronnie Spector and Joey Ramone -

Top 10 Reasons to Visit NYC - the greatest City in the world!

2008-03-12T14:43:00.001-07:00

Here's #s 1 - 4 - Sterling Sulieman, Brandon Buddy, David Chisum, and Colin Egglesfield from All My Children and One Life To Live perform "Let It Go" from "The Full Monty" at ABC Daytime Salutes Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS at Town Hall, NYC, March 2 2008. I love New York!

Worst Film Performance Of All Time

2008-03-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

John Travolta as "Edna Turnblad" in Hairspray - I've been watching it for the past few nights. Travolta totally missed the point of what that role was about, and I am pissed at the producers and directors for letting it go through.

Edna is supposed to be played as a trashy drag queen, or at the very least by a trashy, brassy blond female who ends up getting a hair and fashion makeover but never completely leaves the trash and the brass behind. That was the appeal from the beginning, from Divine in the 1988 movie version and Harvey Fierstein in the original cast of the Broadway musical, and I am sure that that is the way John Waters envisioned it - that Tracy's mother was really a drag queen, not just played by one. Travolta isn't comfortable enough in his own skin to play it that way. In short, John Travolta does not have the balls it takes to be a drag queen. What a drag, but in this case not the right kind of drag. If Travolta was going to play it "straight" they might as well have found a woman to do the role. Jennifer Aniston could have done an amazing job in that role, as a wise-cracking, gum-smacking suburban housewife. (Yes, Jennifer Aniston.) Katherine Keener could have done it. Maggie Gyllenhaal would have ROCKED in that part. And, back to men, JAKE Gyllenhaal could have nailed it, too. THAT'S an actor not afraid to bite into a role and take it for all it's worth. Travolta and Christopher Walken (as Wilbur Turnblad) should have switched roles, because I am confident that Walken could have nailed it, as well. But Travolta? Bah. Pure trash, but not the fun kind of trash at all; in short, the kind of trash you want to throw out, not take out! :)

I'm about halfway through watching and although I'll finish the entire movie I'm just fast-forwarding through the scenes that feature Travolta. What a waste of my time, and what an insult to drag queens and trashy women everywhere.

I'm ashamed that Travolta and I come from the same state, much less the same county. Jersey boys should know better, and we usually do!

Thanks for listening, have a good day.

A Staggering Loss - Sarah Horowitz

2008-03-07T16:31:00.005-08:00

My dear friend Sarah Horowitz passed away this past week. She was just 44 years old. Ironically, this interview with Sarah, which has her sharing her own feelings about faith and loss, was published yesterday at Nextbook, an online Jewish publication. The author has since learned that Sarah passed away at around the same time that the article was being posted and has asked people who knew Sarah, or who are moved to do so, to share their thoughts in the article's "comments" section.

Sarah battled health problems throughout her entire life but she refused to let them stop her from pursuing her dreams and her passions. To paraphrase my rabbi, Micah Hyman, "her spirit was stronger than her body." She was a pure soul, and an amazingly accomplished person - among other things she was a poet, a Jewish scholar, a teacher of autistic children, and she made the best damn pumpkin Challah I have ever tasted in my life!

Sarah was loved, and she will be missed. Zichrona l'vracha - may her memory be for a blessing.

Shabbat shalom,

Kenny

Rooster's Comedy Competition, Wednesday March 5!

2008-03-04T19:32:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, March 5, 8 pm, Rooster T. Feather's, 157 W. El Camino Real, Sunnyvale. Please come out and see me and support me in the 6th Annual Rooster's Comedy Competition. Last year I made it to the semi-finals. With a little more experience under my belt, and your votes, perhaps I'll take it all the way this year! I have some free tickets available so contact me if you'd like one or two. Other than that, get your tix here or call Rooster's at 408/736-0921. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Gays and Dolls, Rooster's Comedy Competition!

2008-02-25T20:25:00.000-08:00

Thursday, February 28, 8 pm. It's the best comedy showcase in town, and I'm hosting it! Gays and Dolls at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post). I am hosting this fabulous and funny comedy showcase featuring female and gay male comics. Maggie Newcomb headlines, and you'll see great sets from me, Ryan Kasmier, Morgan, Kelly McCarron and Ronn Vigh. Tix are $8, and $2 from every ticket goes to the Stop AIDS Project. Plus it's BYOB for 21 and over! Get your tix here.

Wednesday, March 5, 8 pm, Rooster T. Feather's, 157 W. El Camino Real, Sunnyvale. Please come out and see me and support me in the 6th Annual Rooster's Comedy Competition. Last year I made it to the semi-finals. With a little more experience under my belt, and your votes, perhaps I'll take it all the way this year! I have some free tickets available so contact me if you'd like one or two. Other than that, get your tix here or call Rooster's at 408/736-0921. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Holy Crap I Love This Chick!

2008-02-15T20:53:00.001-08:00

Over and over and over again. Joanie, baby, you rock my world!

Say It Ain't So, Rhoda!

2008-02-15T10:02:00.001-08:00

He was a hunk in his day. He helped my cousin Debbie win $25,000 on the "Pyramid" show in 1976.

RIP, David Groh aka Joe Gerard. :)

What an S.O.B.

2008-02-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

From the demented brain of Jesse Helms, one of the most unpatriotic Americans ever to serve in the Senate.
Helms was particularly vitriolic when speaking of gays and lesbians, blaming them for "the proliferation of AIDS," and stating that he disliked using the word "gay" to refer to them since, "...there's nothing gay about them."

Helms opposed the Martin Luther King Day bill in 1983 on grounds that King had two associates with communist ties, Stanley Levison and Jack O'Dell; as well, he voiced disapproval of King's alleged philandering.

Helms' referred to the University of North Carolina (UNC) as the "University of Negroes and Communists." (Charleston Gazette, 9/15/95) [4]

Helms once deeply offended a black colleague, Democratic Senator Carol Moseley-Braun of Illinois, by singing part of "Dixie" on a Capitol elevator.

Soon after the Senate vote on the Confederate flag insignia, Sen. Jesse Helms (R.-N.C.) ran into Mosely-Braun in a Capitol elevator. Helms turned to his friend, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R.-Utah), and said, "Watch me make her cry. I'm going to make her cry. I'm going to sing 'Dixie' until she cries." He then proceeded to sing the song about the good life during slavery to Mosely-Braun (Gannett News Service, 9/2/93; Time, 8/16/93).[5]

At this time, his press secretary was Claude Allen, an African American. James Meredith, who earned fame as the first African American student admitted to the University of Mississippi, also served on Helms' staff.[citation needed]

While working on the 1950 campaign of Republican Willis Smith against Democrat Frank Porter Graham, Helms helped create an ad that read "White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? Frank Graham favors mingling of the races." Another ad featured photographs Helms himself had doctored to illustrate the allegation that Graham's wife had danced with a black man. (FAIR 9/1/01, The News and Observer 8/26/01)

Helms was an ardent supporter of the late Chile dictator Augusto Pinochet. [6]

When Roberta Achtenberg was appointed Assistant Secretary of the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development in 1993 by President Bill Clinton, Helms attempted to block her confirmation, stating that he refused to vote for "that damned lesbian".

After a protest during his 1986 visit to Mexico, Helms opined: "All Latins are volatile people. Hence, I was not surprised at the volatile reaction." [7]

In 1994 Helms spoke out against metal industrial singer Marilyn Manson. Manson responded by painting an anti-gay slur on his chest during a show in Winston-Salem, in a sarcastic and critical display against Helms's social viewpoints.

Hendrik Hertzberg of The New Yorker noted in his memoirs that Helms had "the 'humorous habit'" of calling all black people "Fred".

Helms used race issues in many elections; for instance, in 1990, he ran the famous "Hands" television ad in a tough re-election race. The ad has become legendary in Southern political circles as the most direct appeal to white backlash in modern American politics. The ad played upon white voters' ideas that affirmative action might lead to a job going to a less-qualified candidate ("Gantt supports Ted Kennedy's racial quota law, that makes the color of your skin more important than your qualifications.") (watch the ad).

Helms opposed an amendment offering War reparations#Japan to Japanese-Americans who had been interned during World War II; he proposed an amendment stipulating that no reparations would be made unless the Japanese government compensated the families of Americans killed at Pearl Harbor.

In 1994, Helms created a sensation when, on the anniversary of John F. Kennedy's assassination, he told broadcasters Rowland Evans, Jr., and Robert Novak that Clinton was "not up" to the tasks of being commander-in-chief and suggested that Clinton had "better not show up around here [Fort Bragg] without a bodyguard."[8]

Helms was a strong supporter of drug prohibition, and opposed former Massachusetts Governor Bill Weld's nomination as Ambassador to Mexico because Weld supported medical marijuana.[9] Helms proposed several bills as part of the war on drugs.[10].

Helms once claimed that "The New York Times and Washington Post are both infested with homosexuals themselves. Just about every person down there is a homosexual or lesbian." [11]

A Staggering Loss of Potential and Promise

2008-01-24T11:24:00.001-08:00

This is a reprint of something I posted in June of '06. The industry has lost a giant in the making, and a good, decent man.

Brokeback Mountain Revisited- what a difference six months makes.

Those of you who know me well will recall that, unlike most of the rest of the world, I was not crazy about Brokeback Mountain when I first saw it back in February of this year. There were a few things about it I was very unhappy, and very angry about. I remember complaining to my date on the way out of the theater, that it would be nice “if just once we could see a movie where the main gay character does not get bashed or, worse, killed, and it would be nice if just once we could see a film where the gay main characters live happily ever after.” (Movies that featured gay-bashing, and gays not living happily ever after include Torch Song Trilogy, and As Good As It Gets, although in all fairness to Harvey Fierstein the gay-bashing scene in TST was integral to the plot, while the gay-bashing scene in AGAIG was completely gratuitous.) For me, this was, at first glance, a movie written by straight people, for straight people. It was a movie that said, “see, gay people can never truly be happy, even when they know they are in love and have something good.”

I was also extremely frustrated and annoyed that, more often than not, Ennis’ (Heath Ledger) and Jack’s (Jack Gyllenhaal) drawls were so thick that I could hardly understand what they were saying. It made me feel as if I were missing half the movie.

Mostly, what disturbed me, and what colored my reaction to BBM, was the hype, and the media falling all over themselves to congratulate Ledger and Gyllenhaal for having the “courage” to play gay on film. Courage? To kiss another man on camera? Bulls**t! You want courage, I said, I’ll give you courage: try being openly gay in the year 2006, even in San Francisco, when we have a seated president who continues to lobby to have bigotry and discrimination written into the United States Constitution. Courage, you say, for two men to kiss each other on camera? Bah, humbug! Why does no one ever commend actors for portraying murderers? Is it because it is more acceptable in this sad state of affairs we currently call this country, for a man to kill another man, than to love another man? (Rhetorical question, doesn’t really need an answer – just look to the military for the answer to this one. They came out with a report today that refers to homosexuality as an illness, more than 30 years after the American Psychological Association ceased referring to it as such – amazing, but true – it’s okay to kill another man, but don’t ever, ever, dare to love one.)

I hate hype – interesting sentiment for someone who makes his living in marketing – and admittedly I am turned off by it. By the time I saw BBM, I had already been told by everyone and their grandmother that it was the best movie they had ever seen, and that I would love it. Heck, I’ll bet if Helen Keller (z’l”) were still walking among us, she'd probably be be finger-spelling to me that it was a great movie! And, knowing myself as well as I do, after all the hype I went in there one-quarter expecting to be bowled over, and three-quarters expecting to be disappointed and cynical. Again, to re-emphasize – I don’t like hype. As a stellar example, with the release of his first album in 1972, I did not fall head-over-heels in love with Bruce Springsteen, an act of defiance tantamount to treason for a New Jerseyite!

But now… I have picked up BBM on DVD. And now, far-removed from the initial hype, and thanks to the convenience of DVD – play, rewind, pause, skip/replay scenes, special bonus features (interviews with the actors, the director, Ang Lee, etc.) – I am seeing this movie for the gorgeous piece of work it truly is, the high-level piece of acting, directing, and filmmaking, that it truly is, on so many different levels. I’m not sure why I missed it the first time around, but I’m glad I’ve been given another chance.

About the gay-bashing – firstly, as I watch this again, the film does not make it clear to us if the gay-bashing really happened, or if this is Ennis’ imagination working in over-drive because, when he was nine years old, his father showed him the result of a fatal gay-bashing and told him "this is what happens to queers,” and it was this memory, of course, that contributed to his not being able to commit to Jack over the 20 years that they carried on their love affair. And, unfortunately, gay-bashing was most likely a real possibility in Childress, Texas in the early ‘80s, as it was then – and still is – in San Francisco. It’s an unfortunate fact of life, that as long as we have a government in power that marginalizes us and does everything to keep our children from receiving appropriate information about the facts of sexual orientation, a government that would prefer that we not even be allowed to adopt children, much less enter into civil contracts with each other, that these things happen and will continue to happen. Is it any wonder that the gay-bashing was the first thing Ennis thought of when he was told of the way Jack supposedly died? (Hit in the face with an exploding tire and drowning in his own blood before help arrived on the scene, or bashed to death with a tire iron? Which, to you, is more believable? For me, unfortunately, the bashing is.)

“A movie written by straight people, for straight people.” In a sense, yes, but more importantly, an honestly written and acted story about two men who were madly and desperately in love with each other but didn’t have the will or the courage (although Jack had a little more than Ennis did) or the resources to act on it. How many times has that happened with straight people, as well? For different reasons, of course, but it happens in straight life as often, and as painfully, as it happens in gay life. The pain that Ennis feels at the very end of the film – and the way that Ledger portrayed that pain – is universal, gay or straight. When Ennis holds Jack’s shirt to his face to attempt to catch one last fleeting scent of the man he loved for 20 years, as he utters the final words of the film, “Jack, I swear,” I can feel that pain. How many times have I, myself, either felt or imagined that pain, and how I might feel when, G-d forbid, I receive the news of the passing of someone I loved so dearly but who I knew I had to let go of, or someone who I thought let go of me too soon? How many times have I imagined that scene myself, looking at a picture of a former lover and telling that picture, “I swear, I never stopped loving you.” Life is good, most of the time, but an inevitable part of life is pain, and the pain that Ennis felt at that moment was as real, and as palpable, as any pain I’ve felt in my life, and I was right there with him as he held that shirt up to his nostrils and breathed it in. And Ledger and Gyllenhaal are both to be commended for the way in which they illustrated their love and their pain, emotions that truly transcend sexual orientation and are, simply, human.

The drawls are still indecipherable at times, but the important thing I have noticed after watching BBM again – and I have watched it at least four times straight through in the past week, and I’ve watched individual scenes several times more – is that it is the actions that speak louder than words. When Ennis falls, sobbing, into Jack’s arms, what he is saying is not as important as what he is feeling, and what he is feeling, and conveying to the viewer – that at that moment in time there is no place he’d rather be than in Jack’s arms – is so much more important than what is, or isn’t, coming out of his mouth.

The "courage" it takes to play gay? Thanks to the mainstream media, that was a load of crap then, and it is a load of crap still today.

This is a powerful, powerful movie, played beautifully and realistically by two giants in the acting field who deserve every accolade they've received for their performances, adapted and expanded upon with piercingly accurate detail by Diana Ossana and Larry McMurtry from E. Annie Proulx’ original short story – and guided lovingly through, from beginning to end, with the clarity of vision of a director who comes along but once in a lifetime – Ang Lee. If you didn’t like BBM the first time around, give it a second chance. I’m glad I did.

Thanks for listening, have a good day,

KA

Q Comedy, Rooster T. Feathers, and the return of Gays and Dolls!

2008-01-09T19:07:00.000-08:00

Monday, January 14, 8 pm – Q Comedy Showcase at the Women’s Building, 3543 18th Street, SF. Sliding scale $8-$15

Wednesday, January 16, 8 pm – New Talent Showcase at Rooster T. Feathers, 157 W. El Camino Real, Sunnyvale. $10 + 2-item minimum. 21 and over only. South Bay/Peninsula folks, this show’s for you!

Thursday, January 31, 8 pm, Gays and Dolls returns to the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th floor. With host Ryan Kasmier, headliner Ali Mafi, and me and a bunch of really, really, really fabulous and funny people for your listening and laughing pleasure. 18+, BYOB for 21+ $8, purchase tix online here.

Coming up in February – 2/6 at the Pleasanton Hotel, Pleasanton, and 2/26 at the 750 Pub at Stanford U.

Thanks for supporting live comedy in San Francisco! You are what keeps us all going!

You Poor, Sad, Troubled Man - come out of the closet, Larry, I'll support you on your journey

2008-01-08T16:45:00.000-08:00

Craig Continues Minnesota Legal Appeal
By BRIAN BAKST (Associated Press Writer)
From Associated Press
January 08, 2008 6:08 PM EST
ST. PAUL, Minn. - Seeking to have his guilty plea in a bathroom sex sting erased, the attorneys for Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho argue in a new court filing that the underlying act wasn't criminal because it didn't involve multiple victims.

An appeals brief filed Tuesday contends that Minnesota's disorderly conduct law "requires that the conduct at issue have a tendency to alarm or anger 'others'" - underscoring the plural nature of the term.

Craig's brief goes on to cite other convictions that were overturned because the multiple-victim test wasn't met. His lawyers apply the same logic to his case.

The Republican senator pleaded guilty in August after his arrest two months earlier at the Minneapolis airport. It was part of a broader undercover push targeting men soliciting sex in public restrooms.

Craig was arrested June 11 by an undercover officer, Sgt. Dave Karsnia, who said Craig tapped his feet and swiped his hand under a stall divider in a way that signaled he wanted sex. Craig has denied that, saying his actions were misconstrued.

"Appellant's alleged conduct in this case affected only a single individual - Sergeant Karsnia," the Craig brief says. "It did not - and could not affect 'others' as the disorderly conduct statute requires, and therefore, does not satisfy that element of the statute."

The brief also argues that Karsnia himself could not have been offended by the alleged conduct because "he invited it." The alleged conduct, Craig's lawyers added, doesn't rise to the level of being "offensive, obscene, abusive, boisterous or noisy."

Craig's earlier attempt to withdraw his plea was turned down by a district court judge, and the case is now before the Minnesota Court of Appeals.

Besides attacking the law he was prosecuted under, Craig's legal team argues that the hand signal allegedly used to communicate a desire to engage in sexual conduct would be constitutionally protected speech. They also say the plea is technically flawed because it lacked a judicial signature.

Patrick Hogan, a spokesman for the Metropolitan Airports Commission, which oversees the Minneapolis airport and which brought the charges, said he was confident the guilty plea will stand.

"Facts are resilient, and Sen. Craig's continued, transparent efforts to escape them don't change the truth of his behavior in an airport restroom or the fact that he admitted guilt last August," Hogan said.

Prosecutors have 45 days to respond, and then the case will be scheduled for oral arguments. Once heard, a ruling is required within 90 days.

Craig has said he will finish his term, which ends in January 2009.

No Fake Bradys Here, My Comedy is Authentic Through and Through!

2008-01-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

I will be in the Comedy and More showcase at the SF Playhouse, Stage 2, 533 Sutter Street, tonight at 8:30 PM. This is normally a $20 ticket show but if you print out and bring this blog piece with you, you'll get in for $10.

Come and see me, Tony Sparks, Kaseem Bentley, Lynn Ruth Miller, juggler extraordinaire Joe King and a couple of other local funny folk rip the place up!

Thanks for supporting live comedy in San Francisco!

Laugh Your Way Into 2008!

2007-12-31T08:46:00.000-08:00

I'll be in the Comedy and More comedy showcase blowout tonight at 10:30 PM at The Actors Theatre, 855 Bush Street, SF.

Hosted by Tony Sparks with headliners Mark Silverman (Dr. Demento), Michael Meehan (Late Late Show w/Craig Ferguson) and Brent Weinbach (MTV's "Room 401").

Tix are $45. Bring this e-mail message with you for half-price tix.

It's your last chance to see me in '07 - don't blow it!

Happy new year to all, and thanks for your support.

Kenny A.

Comedy on the Square Tonight, December 30!

2007-12-30T16:13:00.000-08:00

I will be in the Comedy and More showcase at the SF Playhouse, Stage 2, 533 Sutter Street, tonight at 8:30 PM. This is normally a $20 ticket show but if you print out and bring this blog piece with you, you'll get in for $10.

Come and see me, Tony Sparks, Lynn Ruth Miller, and a couple of other local funny folk rip the place up!

Thanks for supporting live comedy in San Francisco, have a happy, healthy, sweet and safe new year!

Kenny A.

Sunday, December 16 - The Second Annual Kenny Altman Birthday Comedy Extravaganza!

2007-12-12T18:55:00.001-08:00

At The Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street (between Geary and Post), 7th Floor - Sunday, December 16, 7 PM – The Second Annual Kenny Altman Birthday Comedy Extravaganza! Featuring – Mike McGee, Karen Smyth, Joe Nguyen, Dana Lovecchio, Loren Kraut, Bev Owen, Nick Leonard, Debbie Campo, and more of SF’s hottest comics. Tickets are $8 at the door. RSVP to me at kennyaltman@earthlink.net or to 415/377-6350.

Gays and Dolls + The Second Annual Kenny Altman Birthday Comedy Extravaganza!

2007-12-06T18:09:00.001-08:00

All shows at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), SF.
Sunday, December 9, 7 PM – Gays, Jews, and Some Guy Named Ryan! Catch the last Gays and Dolls show before we go on hiatus for a few weeks and then return in January in a monthly format. All comics on this bill are gay, Jewish, or some combo of both – and then, of course, there’s Ryan! I am hosting, and featured performers that night include Loren Kraut (finalist, Battle of the Bay 2007 Comedy Competition), Shelly Steward (really funny gay, Jewish guy), and headliner Heather Gold. And as usual, a healthy dose of SF’s brightest and best comics, and a few surprises always in store. Tix are $8, but with this e-mail you can purchase online or at the door for $7. Reservations can be made by phone at 415/921-2051 or tickets can be purchased online here. If you purchase online, enter promo code “jewish” to get the dollar off.
Saturday, December 15, 2 PM – SFCC Grad Show. See the San Francisco Comedy College students show off their latest round of new material. Always funny, always worth the trip to the 7th Floor. $10 (if you do not carry money on Shabbat, let me know and I will make special arrangements for you to pay either before or after the day of rest.)
Sunday, December 16, 7 PM – The Second Annual Kenny Altman Birthday Comedy Extravaganza! Featuring – Mike McGee, Karen Smyth, Joe Nguyen, Dana Lovecchio, Loren Kraut, Bev Owen, Nick Leonard, Debbie Campo, and more of SF’s hottest comics. Tickets are $8 at the door. RSVP to me at kennyaltman@earthlink.net or to 415/377-6350.

When It's Working, It Feels Like Magic

2007-11-29T16:42:00.001-08:00

Q Comedy Showcase, 11/26/07. Thanks for watching, enjoy!

Q Comedy Tonight!

2007-11-26T06:54:00.000-08:00

Monday Nov 26, doors 7:30, show 8 pm, sliding scale $8-$15:
Qcomedy Showcase -- SF's flagship queer comedy showcase returns in its seventh year in a great new location, featuring as always a stellar cast of San Francisco's funniest Queer and/or Queer friendly comedians and performers. This month's show is hosted by Dana Cory, the Host of Improv Slam and the HomoRevolution Tour and features Kenny Yun, Pippi Lovestocking, Ryan Kasmier, Kenny Altman, and more! Now on Mondays again! New location -- At the Women's Building, 3543 18th St. between Valencia and Guerrero in the Audre Lorde room. http://www.qcomedy.com

You Couldn't Beat This Lineup With A Stick!

2007-11-25T11:08:00.000-08:00

Gays and Dolls, Sunday 11/25/07, 7 pm. $8. At the SFCC Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), SF. 415/921-2051.

It's the best comedy showcase in town, the only weekly show to exclusively feature female and gay male comics.

Maitre D’ – Ryan Kasmier
Appetizers – Kenny Altman, Bev Owen, Cara Tramontano, Steve Reede
1st Course – Dhaya Lak, Katie Compa
Main Course – Beth Schumann
Dessert and Other Finishing Touches – YOU, THE AUDIENCE! TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND COME OUT AND SUPPORT!

Mention this bulletin and get $1 off your ticket!

Holy Gays and Dolls, Batman, It's the 40th Anniversary of My Bar Mitzvah!

2007-11-23T12:43:00.000-08:00

Come and celebrate with me:

Saturday, 9 a.m. at Congregation Beth Sholom at St. James Church, 4620 California Street (at 8th Avenue), SF. I will be leading portions of the service and reading from and speaking about my Torah portion, Vayishlach, followed by a bitchin' kiddush (luncheon) sponsored by my brother and sister-in-law, Howard and Karen Altman.

Saturday, 6 p.m. New Faces of Comedy at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), SF. $5. 415/921-2051.

Sunday, 7 p.m. Gays and Dolls at the Clubhouse. This weekly comedy showcase features female and gay male comics, and it kicks ass! $8. 415/921-2051. Purchase advance tix here.

Thanks for listening, thanks for watching, thanks for your support - Shabbat Shalom!

Kenny A.

Zichrona L'vracha (may her memory be for a blessing)

2007-11-20T17:19:00.000-08:00

This obituary for my dear friend Goldie Rassen appears in today's (San Francisco) Chronicle; she was a remarkable woman and I will miss her very much.

Goldie Hiatt Rassen In San Francisco on November 18, 2007 at age 93. Beloved wife of the late Jacob Rassen for 41 years. Loving mother of Dr. Joshua (and Amy) Rassen and Rachel Rassen. Proud grandmother of Jeremy and Elisa Rassen. Goldie was born in Lithuania, the youngest of 12 children. Her first husband and daughter, as well as her parents and three siblings, were victims of the Holocaust. Following World War II, she married another survivor, Jacob Rassen, who had also returned to Lithuania in 1945. From the first moment that Goldie and Jacob saw each other wandering and looking for family and friends, they were drawn together and remained with each other. Their first child was born in a deportation camp in 1946. Shortly afterwards they emigrated to Worcester, MA, joining the three Hiatt brothers who had left Lithuania before the war. Goldie and Jacob were married for 41 years and raised two children in the Boston area. They moved to San Francisco in 1985 to be with their children and grandchildren. Jacob passed away one year later. While raising her children, Goldie taught Hebrew to first and second graders at a local synagogue. Once in San Francisco, she began teaching Hebrew to individual adults. She was an ardent supporter of Israel, and was dedicated to making sure that the memory of the six million stayed alive. She was practical, clever and wise. All interactions offered an opportunity for her to share her wisdom and advice; she was always generous in offering her opinions. Goldie was a devoted member of Congregation Beth Sholom and a supporter of many Jewish causes. In her latter years, Goldie was one of the first residents at Rhoda Goldman Plaza where she lived independently and continued to teach Hebrew for six years. She spent the last three months of her life at the Jewish Home. Funeral Services will be held on Tuesday (TODAY), November 20th, 1:00PM at SINAI MEMORIAL CHAPEL, 1501 Divisadero Street at Geary Blvd., SF, followed by interment at Hills of Eternity Cemetery, 1301 El Camino Real, Colma. Contributions to Congregation Beth Sholom preferred, 318 15th Avenue, SF 94118.

Comedy Gold

2007-11-19T16:19:00.000-08:00

Sex Scandal Hits Atlanta-Area Megachurch

DECATUR, Ga. (AP) — The 80-year-old leader of a suburban Atlanta megachurch is at the center of a sex scandal of biblical dimensions: He slept with his brother's wife and fathered a child by her.

Members of Archbishop Earl Paulk's family stood at the pulpit of the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit at Chapel Hill Harvester Church a few Sundays ago and revealed the secret exposed by a recent court-ordered paternity test.

In truth, this is not the first — or even the second — sex scandal to engulf Paulk and the independent, charismatic church. But this time, he could be in trouble with the law for lying under oath about the affair.

The living proof of that lie is 34-year-old D.E. Paulk, who for years was known publicly as Earl Paulk's nephew.

"I am so very sorry for the collateral damage it's caused our family and the families hurt by the removing of the veil that hid our humanity and our sinfulness," said D.E. Paulk, who received the mantle of head pastor a year and a half ago.

D.E. Paulk said he did not learn the secret of his parentage until the paternity test. "I was disappointed, and I was surprised," he said.

Earl Paulk, his brother, Don, and his sister-in-law, Clariece, did not return calls for comment.

A judge ordered the test at the request of the Cobb County district attorney's office and the Georgia Bureau of Investigation, which are investigating Earl Paulk for possible perjury and false-swearing charges stemming from a lawsuit.

The archbishop, his brother and the church are being sued by former church employee Mona Brewer, who says Earl Paulk manipulated her into an affair from 1989 to 2003 by telling her it was her only path to salvation. Earl Paulk admitted to the affair in front of the church last January.

In a 2006 deposition stemming from the lawsuit, the archbishop said under oath that the only woman he had ever had sex with outside of his marriage was Brewer. But the paternity test said otherwise.

So far no charges have been filed against Earl Paulk. District Attorney Pat Head and GBI spokesman John Bankhead would not comment.

The shocking results of the paternity test are speeding up a transformation already under way in the church after more than a decade of sex scandals and lawsuits involving the Paulks, D.E. Paulk said.

"It was a necessary evil to bring us back to a God-consciousness," said the younger Paulk, explaining that the church had become too personality-driven and prone to pastor worship.

The flashy megachurch began in 1960 with just a few dozen members in the Little Five Points neighborhood of Atlanta. Now, it is in the suburbs on a 100-acre expanse, a collection of buildings surrounding a neo-Gothic cathedral.

For years the church was at the forefront of many social movements — admitting black members in the 1960s, ordaining women and opening its doors to gays.

At its peak in the early 1990s, it claimed about 10,000 members and 24 pastors and was a media powerhouse. By soliciting tithes of 10 percent from each member's income, the church was able to build a Bible college, two schools, a worldwide TV ministry and a $12 million sanctuary the size of a fortress.

Today, though, membership is down to about 1,500, the church has 18 pastors, most of them volunteers, and the Bible college and TV ministry have shuttered — a downturn blamed largely on complaints about the alleged sexual transgressions of the elder Paulks.

In 1992, a church member claimed she was pressured into a sexual relationship with Don Paulk. Other women also claimed they had been coerced into sex with Earl Paulk and other members of the church's administration.

The church countered with a $24 million libel suit against seven former church members. The lawsuit was later dropped.

Jan Royston, who left the church in 1992, started an online support group for former members to discuss their crushed faith and hurt feelings.

"This is a cult. And you escape from a cult," she said. "We all escaped."

These days, Earl Paulk has a much-reduced role at the cathedral, giving 10-minute lectures as part of Sunday morning worship each week.

"My uncle is 100 percent guilty, but his accusers are guilty as well," D.E. Paulk said, declining to talk further about the lawsuits.

Gays and Dolls 11/18 with Headliner Lilibeth Helson!

2007-11-16T07:14:00.000-08:00

Our lineup for Gays and Dolls this coming Sunday night, November 18, includes the charming "me" as your host, along with Bev Owen, Mary Strong, Loren Kraut, Morgan, featured performers Ryan Kasmier and Dana Lovecchio and headliner Lilibeth Helson. Holy crap, that is one rockin' lineup! If I weren't hosting this show, I'd PAY to get in!

Gays and Dolls plays at 7 pm at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), SF. Tix are $8, available at 415/921-2051; click here to purchase online.

Gays and Dolls - don't miss it!

Tivo Desperate Housewives, Gays and Dolls is the Place to Be!

2007-11-11T12:53:00.001-08:00

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

2007-11-11T00:53:00.000-08:00

From the 2004 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, (Mark Knopfler playing lead guitar on the left?), Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, Dhani Harrison and Prince honoring inductee, the late George Harrison, with a smokin' version of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." Prince takes over towards the end and it is truly something to behold. I attended the first two R&R Hall of Fame events, in 1986 and 1987, way back when I was managing Tower Records in New York City, and seeing this sort of makes me miss my rock and roll life. Those were fun times. These are fun times now, too. Enjoy.

The Apple Fell REALLY Far From The Tree

2007-11-10T16:51:00.000-08:00

Pictured on the right, above, is Lucie Arnaz, the fabulously untalented daughter of the late Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. At left is her younger brother, Desi Arnaz, Jr., who has achieved the near-impossible feat of being even less talented than his sister. They each have lots and lots of money. Now, isn't that special?!

The Reviews Are In, Ann Coulter Hates Gays and Dolls, and We Couldn't Be Happier!

2007-11-08T19:40:00.001-08:00

Come out and see Gays and Dolls this Sunday evening, November 11, 7 pm at the Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street (between Post and Geary), 7th floor, SF. This week’s show is hosted by Ryan Kasmier, and features Kelly McCarron (The Unladylike Tour), Marty Grimes (2nd Place, Rooster T. Feathers 2007 Comedy Competition, and a hunka-hunka-burnin’ gay love to boot) and headliner Debbie Campo (Finalist, America’s Funniest Mom Competition; Host, Naked Comedy). Also on the bill are Morgan, Mary Strong, and ME!

Tix are $8. Reserve in advance at 415/921-2051 or buy online here:

We had a good crowd last Sunday night for our first show. If you were there, you know it rocked! Thanks to Bev Owen, Veronica Porras, Ryan Kasmier, Amy Klaas, Katie Compa, Loren Kraut, Dhaya Lakshminarayanan and headliner Sandy Stec for poppin’ the Gays and Dolls cherry – we are properly inaugurated.

Tell your friends. Bring groups for special discounts (contact me in advance so I’ll know you’re coming.) We are the ONLY comedy club in San Francisco that provides a weekly venue for female and gay male comics – and we’re gonna make you laugh!

Gays and Dolls - it's the hottest ticket in town, and don’t forget my offer – bring Eric Balfour and get in free, forever!

Thank you for supporting live comedy.

Kenny A.

Here's a great pic - of me - circa 1973, future gay, all dolled up to go and see Elton John at Madison Square Garden!

One Person, Many Lives

2007-11-05T03:11:00.000-08:00

Johtje Vos, Who Saved Wartime Jews, Dies at 97

By DENNIS HEVESI

Johtje Vos, a Dutch woman who with her husband hid three dozen Jews in their home during World War II, shepherding them through a tunnel under the backyard and into the woods whenever the Gestapo pounded on the door, died on Oct. 10 in Saugerties, N.Y. She was 97, and had lived in Woodstock from 1951 until a year ago.

Her death was confirmed by her daughter Barbara Moorman.

During the war years, Mrs. Vos and her husband, Aart, lived in a three-bedroom house on a dead-end road in the town of Laren in the Netherlands, with acres of forest behind it. Mr. Vos, who died in 1990, grew up in Laren and knew every stream and field in the area. That allowed him to lead Jews through the woods to the house at night and back into the woods when the Nazis were coming. Each time a German raid was imminent, a sympathetic Dutch police chief in Laren, a friend of the Voses, would dial their phone, let it ring twice, hang up, then repeat the code.

In all, 36 people were saved by the Voses, with as many as 14 hiding in their home at any one time after the German invasion of the Netherlands in May 1940.

Evelyn Loeb Garfinkel and her mother, Ilse Loeb, were among the three dozen.

“If Johtje hadn’t done what she did, my mother wouldn’t have survived and I wouldn’t be alive,” Mrs. Garfinkel, of Delmar, N.Y., told The Times Union of Albany after attending Mrs. Vos’s funeral on Oct. 16.

Mr. and Mrs. Vos resisted the notion that they had done something out of the ordinary. Interviewed for the 1992 book “Rescuers: Portraits of Moral Courage in the Holocaust,” by Gay Block and Malka Drucker (Holmes & Meier), Mrs. Vos said, “I want to say right away that the words ‘hero’ and ‘righteous gentile’ are terribly misplaced.”

“I don’t feel righteous,” said Mrs. Vos, who, like her husband, was a member of the Dutch Reformed Church, “and we are certainly not heroes, because we didn’t sit at the table when the misery started and say, ‘O.K., now we are going to risk our lives to save some people.’ ”

It started one night in 1942 when a Jewish couple asked to be sheltered for just that night as they ran from the Germans. Soon after, another friend asked them to keep a suitcase containing valuables before he was sent to a ghetto.

The Voses were surprised to discover that their friend was Jewish. “We never talked about Jews,” Mrs. Vos recalled. “They were all just Dutch, that’s all.”

A 3-year-old boy, Mark de Klijn, was later taken in by Mr. and Mrs. Vos as his parents faced deportation. Word filtered through the Jewish community, and other escapees began seeking shelter. Soon, mattresses covered the floor. Unless they were trying to flee even farther, the guests would never leave the house.

Except when the phone rang twice, then twice again. Then Mr. Vos would lead them into a shed attached to the back of the house, down through a camouflaged trapdoor under a coal bin and into a 150-foot tunnel through which they would crawl before slipping into the woods.

Every time the Gestapo came, Mrs. Vos said, “I would take questions from them and lie and lie and lie.”

Johanna (she preferred the nickname Johtje, pronounced YO-tya) Kuyper was born on Dec. 29, 1909, in Amersfoort, the Netherlands, the second of three daughters of Guillaume and Henrietta Storm van Leeuwen Kuyper. Her father, a retired army officer, was the mayor of Amersfoort. Her grandfather Abraham Kuyper had been prime minister of the Netherlands from 1901 to 1905.

As a young woman, Johanna Kuyper went to Paris to work as a freelance journalist, “which was a scandalous thing at the time,” she said. There, she married a young German artist, Heinrich Molenaar, who hated Hitler, she said. The couple left France and moved into the family-owned house in Laren, where their two children were born: Mrs. Moorman, of Glenford, N.Y., and Hetty Crews, who died in 2001. The marriage ended in divorce.

In 1942, Johanna Kuyper and Aart Vos were married. They had four sons, three of whom survive: Dominique, of Woodstock; John, of Saugerties; and Sebastian, of the Netherlands. Their son Peter died in 1973. Mrs. Vos is also survived by 15 grandchildren and 15 great-grandchildren.

As far as Mrs. Vos’s children are concerned, they have another sibling: Moana Hilfman Brinkman, of Amsterdam.

When Mr. and Mrs. Vos were living in the house in Laren, they regularly beseeched Moana Hilfman’s parents to take refuge with them. The Hilfmans refused.

“They said: ‘We are Jews. This is our fate,’ ” Mrs. Vos once recalled. “I begged them to at least let me take their 3-year-old daughter, Moana.”

Only on the night that the Gestapo came did the Hilfmans hand over their daughter to a friend, who spirited her to the Vos home.

“She lived with us for years after the war,” Mrs. Moorman said on Friday. “We consider her our sister.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, Let the Christmas Tunes Begin!

2007-11-04T14:11:00.000-08:00

This time of year, I love identifying myself as a nice Jewish boy who absolutely loves rock and roll Christmas music (not to mention good ol' black gospel as well.)

Let's start the season off right, with the woman who has never sung a bad note in her life, my dear friend Darlene Love, singing one of the greatest rock and roll Christmas songs of all time, "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"

Enjoy yourselves - life is good, comedy and music are gooder.

Where the Name of this Blog Originated

2007-11-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

Check this video of "Little Pony" by The Pointer Sisters, 1974, specifically about 2:30 in.

A little bit of listening with a passable ear will get an awful lot of messages anywhere. Ain't that the plain truth?!

See A Comedy Show, Don't Get Shot!

2007-11-02T08:35:00.000-07:00

Documented research shows that no President of the United States has ever been shot to death in a comedy club or while listening to a comic promote himself on the radio. A theater? Yes. A motorcade? Yes (too soon?) A train station? Yes. The Temple of Music in Buffalo, New York? Sadly, yes.

Stay safe this weekend by taking refuge in San Francisco's finest comedy club, The Clubhouse, on the seventh floor at 414 Mason Street (between Geary and Post). I promise to make you laugh, as will the other amazing comics on the bills.

Here's my schedule for this weekend - one show is all I ask! Tix available at the door or at respective Web links.

1. Saturday, November 3, 6 pm - New Faces of Comedy at The Clubhouse - the best and the brightest of San Francisco's up and coming comics. $5 at the door.

2. Saturday, November 3, 9 pm - Naked Comedy at The Clubhouse with host Debbie Campo and headliner Aundre the Wonderwoman. $10 at the door or in advance at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/15145/

3. Saturday night/Sunday morning, November 3/4, 2 am (the second 1 am due to time change), KGO Radio, 810 AM, with John Rothmann. Call in at 415/808-0810.

3. Sunday, November 4, 7 pm - Gays and Dolls. This is the premiere of a weekly show that will feature female and gay male comics. I am hosting this show and will alternate hosting duties with Ryan Kasmier. Features and headliners our first week include Loren Kraut, Dhaya Lakshminarayanan, and Sandy Stec. $8 at the door or in advance at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/22403/

Thanks for coming out to enjoy live comedy, and give yourselves a pat on the back for keeping yourselves safe!

Bring Eric Balfour, Get In Free!

2007-10-30T22:37:00.000-07:00

Sundays just got a whole lot funnier and a whole lot more fabulous as well.

Gays and Dolls, a weekly comedy open mic/pro showcase featuring female and gay male comics, premieres Sunday, November 4, at 7 pm at the San Francisco Comedy College Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), San Francisco. Tix are a mere $8. $8?! Wow! That is 21st century comedy at 20th century prices! For advance ticket sales or to make reservations, call The Clubhouse at 415/921-2051 or purchase online at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/22403/.

CREATIVE MARKETING PLOY: BRING ERIC BALFOUR TO THE NOVEMBER 4 SHOW OR ANY SUBSEQUENT GAYS AND DOLLS SHOW, AND PAY NO ADMISSION FEE - EVER!

I will be hosting the first show, and then alternating hosting duties each week with the very funny and freakingly fabulous Ryan Kasmier.

Our first show features Dhaya Lakshminarayanan, Loren Kraut, and headliner Sandy Stec. Coming up November 11 - headliner Debbie Campo!

Come on out on Sunday nights - we're starting early so we can get you home early - and get some laughs in before the start of your workweek. You'll be glad you did.

Oy! What a Gal!

2007-10-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

Gays and Dolls Premieres One Week from Tonight!

2007-10-28T09:28:00.000-07:00

Gays and Dolls, a weekly comedy open mic/pro showcase featuring female and gay male comics, premieres Sunday, November 4, at 7 pm at the San Francisco Comedy College Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor (between Geary and Post), San Francisco. Tix are a mere $8. $8?! Wow! That is 21st century comedy at 20th century prices! For advance ticket sales or to make reservations, call The Clubhouse at 415/921-2051 or purchase online at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/22403/.

I will be hosting the first show, and then alternating hosting duties each week with the very funny and freakingly fabulous Ryan Kasmier.

Our first show features Dhaya Lakshminarayanan, Loren Kraut, and headliner Sandy Stec. Coming up November 11 - headliner Debbie Campo!

Sundays just got a whole lot funnier and a whole lot more fabulous as well. Come on out on Sunday nights - we're starting early so we can get you home early - and get some laughs in before the start of your workweek. You won't be sorry.

Gays and Dolls - It's HOT, HOT, HOT!

2007-10-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

Hey, Comedy Friends and Lovers!

“Gays and Dolls,” a weekly combination open mic/showcase featuring female and gay male comics, will debut on Sunday, November 4 at the SFCC Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, SF (between Geary and Post). Show time is at 7 pm and we don’t expect to run much longer than 90 minutes, 2 hours at most, so you’ll still be home at a reasonable hour to rest up for your upcoming work week. Tix are $8, available at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/22403/. Yes, that’s right, only $8. That’s 21st century comedy at 20th century prices!

I will be alternating hosting duties with my good friend and fellow fab-man Ryan Kasmier.

Our first show will feature the comedy stylings of Bev Owen, Veronica Porras, Amy Klaas, Ryan Kasmier, Loren Kraut, Dhaya Lak, and headliner Sandy Stec.

THIS IS EXCITING! The Clubhouse will now be operating four nights a week. Tell your friends and come on down and support this freakingly fabulous new show!

Keep well, stay funny, and thanks for your support!

Kenny A.

Frank Zappa Rips Maria Shriver A New One

2007-10-21T18:52:00.001-07:00

9/18/85. Boy, I miss him.

"Gays and Dolls" Premieres Sunday, November 4 at the SFCC Clubhouse!

2007-10-16T22:52:00.000-07:00

Hey, Comedy Friends and Lovers!

“Gays and Dolls,” a weekly combination open mic/showcase featuring female and gay male comics, will debut on Sunday, November 4 at the SFCC Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, SF (between Geary and Post). Show time is at 7 pm and we don’t expect to run much longer than 90 minutes, 2 hours at most, so you’ll still be home at a reasonable hour to rest up for your upcoming work week. Tix are $8, available at http://brownpapertickets.com/event/22403/. Yes, that’s right, only $8. That’s 21st century comedy at 20th century prices!

I will be alternating hosting duties with my good friend and fellow fab-man Ryan Kasmier.

THIS IS EXCITING! The Clubhouse will now be operating four nights a week. Tell your friends and come on down and support this freakingly fabulous new show!

Keep well, stay funny, and thanks for your support!

Kenny A.

Schmuck

2007-10-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

Schmuck - noun - One deficient in judgment and good sense: ass, fool, idiot, imbecile, jackass, mooncalf, moron, nincompoop, ninny, nitwit, simple, simpleton, softhead, tomfool. Informal dope, gander, goose. Slang cretin, ding-dong, dip, goof, jerk, nerd, schmo, turkey.

(10-12) 19:02 PDT SACRAMENTO, (AP) --

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger on Friday carried out his promise to continue to veto gay marriage bills.

The Republican governor turned down a measure by Assemblyman Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, that would have lifted the state's ban on same-sex marriages by defining marriage as a union between two persons, not just a man and a woman.

Schwarzenegger vetoed a similar Leno bill in 2005.

The governor announced in February that he would veto this year's version if it reached his desk and said last month that he would keep turning down such bills as long as lawmakers kept sending them to him.

"It would be wrong for the people to vote for something and for me to then overturn it," Schwarzenegger said in September, referring to voters' approval of Proposition 22 in 2000. "So they can send this bill down as many times as they want, I won't do it."

Proposition 22 was intended to prevent California from recognizing gay marriages performed in other states or countries.

In his veto message, Schwarzenegger said voters and the state Supreme Court should decide the issue. The high court is likely to rule next year on whether California's ban on gay marriages violates the constitution.

The governor said voters "should then determine what, if any, statutory changes are needed in response to the court's ruling."

Geoff Kors, executive director of Equality California, a gay rights group, said the veto was "hypocrisy at its worst."

"We find it shocking for the governor to say he opposes discrimination based on sexual orientation and then veto a bill that would have ended discrimination based on sexual orientation," Kors said.

Schwarzenegger said in his veto message that all Californians are entitled to full protection under the law "and should not be discriminated against based upon their sexual orientation."

He said he supports state laws that give domestic partners many of the rights and responsibilities of marriage.

Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez, D-Los Angeles, said the bill was a basic extension of fairness and that he was disappointed the governor had vetoed it.

"I firmly believe the day will come soon when California law is on the right side of this issue and the right side of history," he said. "The California Assembly will continue working to make that happen."

Kenny Altman, Clubhouse, 10/13/07

2007-10-14T07:30:00.001-07:00

My first time on stage in almost two weeks, and it was fun. Thanks for watching, enjoy!

Thank You, Dear Abby - and thanks to the press for not printing the opinion of an anti-gay wack-job in the interest of so-called "balanced reporting"

2007-10-10T18:15:00.000-07:00

'Dear Abby' says she's for gay marriage

By LISA LEFF, Associated Press WriterWed Oct 10, 7:53 AM ET

For years, rumblings have surfaced on the Internet, conjecture about her casual references to "sexual orientation" and "respect."

Now, Dear Abby is ready to say it flatly: She supports same-sex marriage.

"I believe if two people want to commit to each other, God bless 'em," the syndicated advice columnist told The Associated Press. "That is the highest form of commitment, for heaven's sake."

What Jeanne Phillips, aka Abigail Van Buren, finds offensive and misguided are homophobic jokes, phrases like "That's so gay," and parents who reject or try to reform their children when they come out of the closet.

Her views are the reason she's being honored this week by Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, a national advocacy group that provides support for gay people and their families. The original Abby, Phillips' 89-year-old mother, Pauline, helped put PFLAG on the map in 1984 when she first referred a distraught parent to the organization.

Jeanne Phillips, who formally took over the column when her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease five years ago, has continued plugging the group, as well as its affiliate for parents with children who identify as transgender, and a suicide hot line aimed at gay teenagers.

"I'm trying to tell kids if they are gay, it's OK to be gay. I've tried to tell families if they have a gay family member to accept them and love them as they always have," she said Friday.

PFLAG director Jody Huckaby said Abby is the perfect choice for the first "Straight for Equality" award, part of the group's new campaign to engage more heterosexuals as allies.

"She is such a mainstream voice," Huckaby said. "If Dear Abby is talking about it, it gives other people permission to talk about it."

Alert "Dear Abby" readers may have noticed that the youthful attitude Phillips promised to bring to the column includes a decidedly gay-friendly take on most matters.

In a March 2005 column that touched a nerve with some readers, for instance, Phillips came down unequivocally on the side of scientists who say sexual orientation is a matter of genetics, not personal choice. She advised a mother who had cautioned her 14-year-old daughter to keep her feelings for other girls secret to "come to terms with your own feelings about homosexuality."

Last year, addressing a groom whose gay brother refused to serve as best man or even attend the wedding because he did not have the right to marry, she made it clear her sympathies lay with the boycotting brother.

"Accepting the status quo is not always the best thing to do," she wrote. "Women were once considered chattel, and slavery was regarded as sanctioned in the Bible. However, western society grew to recognize that neither was just. Canada, Belgium, the Netherlands and Spain have recognized gay marriage, and one day, perhaps, our country will, too."

Phillips, who lives in Los Angeles, said she isn't worried that aligning herself with gay rights advocates will cause newspapers to censor or cancel the column, which appears in about 1,400 newspapers.

Her outspokenness on gay rights issues has never caused a strong backlash, said Kathie Kerr, a spokeswoman for Universal Press Syndicate, which distributes the column. It's possible some editors choose not to run the segments dealing with homosexuality, but if so they have not complained to the syndicate, Kerr said.

"We get brouhahas all the time, and they haven't been about Dear Abby," Kerr said.

Phillips realizes not everyone agrees with her on gay rights; she and her husband "argue about this continually," she said. He thinks civil unions and domestic partnerships "would be less threatening to people who feel marriage is just a religious rite." She thinks anything less than full marriage amounts to second-class citizenship.

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion," said Phillips, who speaks with the no-nonsense tone of someone who is used to settling debates.

Right now, Abby, as Phillips prefers to be called, is working on a reply to a woman who wanted to know whether she should include childhood photographs of her transgender brother-in-law in a family album. The woman is worried what she will tell her children when they see pictures of their uncle as a little girl.

Phillips' guidance to Worried Reader will be simple, she said: Include the photos, of course. Silence is the enemy. Answer any questions the kids have honestly — Uncle John was born with a body of the wrong sex, so even when he was called Jane he was really John inside.

Phillips said that while it might be tempting to devote an entire column to why she thinks jokes invoking homosexual slurs are in poor taste, she does not plan to spell out her views on gay marriage in print any more directly than she has already.

"If they are my readers, they know how I feel on the subject," she said. "I don't think I'm a flaming radical. I'm for civility in life. I'm for treating each other with respect, trying to do the best you can."

Women Who Could Turn Me, Part 3 of 3

2007-10-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

Gena Rowlands.

Thanks to those of you who sent in your guesses. Some really good guesses there, among them Diane Keaton (probably in my top 10) and Goldie Hawn (too much cosmetic surgery).

Really, really bad guesses and I may never speak with you again - Bea Arthur (sorry, I like my men manly and my women womanly), and Barbara Bush (holy crap hasn't that bitch brought this world enough trouble already through her sexual proclivities?!)

All in fun, have a great day, keep laughing.

Kenny A.

David Letterman-Paris Hilton-Sept-28-2007-txtshirt.com

2007-10-06T13:16:00.001-07:00

Only David Letterman could make this this good. Enjoy!

Test Your Gaydar With The Five Stairsteps

2007-10-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of The Five Stairsteps, an American Chicago soul group made up five of Betty and Clarence Burke Sr.'s six children: Alohe, Jean, Clarence Jr., James, Dennis, and Kenneth "Keni", and briefly, Cubie. They are best known for the 1970 song "Ooh Child," listed #392 on Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.

According to their biography, Chicago Soul by Robert Pruter, published in 1992, one of the Stairsteps turned out gay. Using this picture as your guide, can you guess which Stairstep it might have been?

I swear you were born a weaver's lover...

2007-10-01T20:14:00.001-07:00

...born for the loom's desire.

This is what happens when Kennedys grow old...

2007-10-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

Eunice Kennedy Shriver (1921- )

Sukkot - The Festival of Booths - Day 3

2007-09-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

Booth Tarkington.
Newton Booth Tarkington (July 29, 1869 – May 19, 1946) was an American novelist and dramatist best known for his Pulitzer Prize-winning novels The Magnificent Ambersons and Alice Adams.

The Courage of Mayor Jerry Sanders

2007-09-28T20:18:00.001-07:00

Wow.

Sukkot - The Festival of Booths - Day 2

2007-09-28T09:19:00.001-07:00

John Wilkes Booth, Edwin Booth and Junius Brutus Booth, Jr. in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar in 1864.

Sukkot - The Festival of Booths

2007-09-27T06:13:00.000-07:00

Shirley...

Women Who Could Turn Me, Part 2 of 3

2007-09-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

Cybill Shepherd. No one has guessed correctly. #3 will be posted next week. Here's a hint - she's an actress, she's blonde, and she's over 60 (yes, I said it, over 60).

Good week, good Sukkot to all,

Kenny A.

No Comment

2007-09-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

Marcel Marceau (March 22, 1923 – September 22, 2007

Marcel Marceau was born in Strasbourg, France. At 16, his Jewish family was forced to flee their home when France entered the Second World War. He later joined Charles de Gaulle's Free French Forces and, because of his excellent English, worked as a liaison officer with General Patton's army. His father, a kosher butcher, was arrested by the Gestapo and murdered in Auschwitz concentration camp.

Marceau was a well-known mime, among the most popular representatives of this art form world-wide. He was said to be "single-handedly responsible for reviving the art of mime after World War II."

He performed all over the world in order to spread the "art of silence" (L'art du silence).

Heterosexuals Flaunting Themselves in Public

2007-09-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

Rudy Giuliani, or as I like to call him, Rudy FUCKING Giuliani, just took a cell phone call from his wife (planned, I'm sure) during a talk in front of the National Rifle Association (aka the National FUCKING Rifle Association) to show how devoted he is to her. (Probably about as devoted as he was to his first wife when he was fucking around with Donna Hanover behind her back (Giuliani and Hanover lived together while he was still married to said wife); probably about as devoted he was to Hanover when, during their marriage, he was fucking around serially, first with Cristyne Lategano and then with Judith Nathan.)

If we had a gay candidate, would this happen? No, and I'll tell you why - because we are secure enough in our relationships and in our sexuality that we don't need to flaunt - or prove- anything in public. And of course, no, because a gay candidate wouldn't stoop so low as to kiss the NRA's ass. Period, case closed.

Rudy FUCKING Giuliani, indeed.

Kenny Altman at Hump Day Comedy 9/19/07

2007-09-21T06:55:00.001-07:00

Two people in the audience, from Finland no less, plus about 12 comics. More a workshop than an open mic. Thanks for watching, enjoy!

P.S. Gamar tov, Shabbat shalom.

If George Had His Way...

2007-09-18T23:04:00.001-07:00

Women Who Could Turn Me, Part 1 of 3

2007-09-17T19:41:00.000-07:00

Sally Field. Tune in to this blog a week from today for #2 of 3 or - if you think you know me well enough - guess the next two. The winner will get a special prize from me (probably of no monetary value).

Tonight's Show is Free! (9/16/07)

2007-09-16T16:02:00.000-07:00

I am hosting Comedy and More at the SF Playhouse, Stage 2, 533 Sutter Street, tonight at 8:30 PM. This is normally a $20 ticket show with an opportunity for two-fers, but tonight’s show is free! Wow!

This is a great show in a great theatre – come and see me, Adam McLaughlin, Lynn Ruth Miller, Tony Sparks, and Sean McMahon rip the place up (and put it back together before we leave so we can get paid)!

Kenny A.

Elton John - Ego

2007-09-10T22:24:00.001-07:00

I Love This Guy!

Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead!

2007-09-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

Megachurch Leader D. James Kennedy Dies

MIAMI - Self-professed heterosexual the Rev. D. James Kennedy, an evil, hateful, narrow-minded broadcaster and megachurch pastor whose fiercely conservative worldview helped fuel the rise of the religious right in American politics, died Wednesday. He was 76 years old, and he was as unenlightened on the day he died as he was the day he was born. Pity. The man had 76 years to get it right, and apparently never did.

Kennedy, who referred to homosexuality as not a lifestyle but rather a death style, died at his home in Fort Lauderdale from complications of a heart attack he suffered on Dec. 28, according to Cousin Oliver (below), a spokesman for Kennedy's Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church. He had not been seen publicly since the heart attack, and his retirement was announced August 26 from a flogging bench at the Dore Alley Fair in San Francisco.

Kennedy's voice and face were known to millions through radio and television broadcasts, condemning homosexuality and abortion as assaults on the traditional family, usually while carrying a rhinestone-studded Hello Kitty clutch purse and shrieking "you like me, you really like me!"

Kennedy dropped out of college to become an Arthur Murray dance instructor, but eventually returned to earn multiple degrees, including a doctorate from New York University. He met his future wife, the former Anne Lewis, while teaching dance. He often wore her underwear at private and public events and at the time of his death was in negotiations to open a chain of discount clothing stores for transvestites, to be named "Cross Dress for Less."

CORRECTION RE: Sundays in SF, Mondays in Pleasanton

2007-09-05T22:44:00.001-07:00

I’m going to be hosting “Comedy and More” at the SF Playhouse, Stage 2, 533 Sutter Street, SF, 2nd floor every Sunday this month. This is a great show in a great theatre and features me plus three other comics + either a magician or a juggler (hence the “more”). Shows are 8:30 pm Sundays 9/9, 9/16, 9/23 and 9/30. Tix are $20 but print out this e-mail and bring it with you for two-for-one tix! You can usually find two-for-one tix at goldstarevents.com as well.

This was originally listed as Shelton Theater. Address is the same, just different room in the same building, 533 Sutter Street.

I’m also going to do the open mic at Tommy T’s in Pleasanton this coming Monday, 9/10. It begins at 7:30 PM. Free admission. Good food, good drink, and some really good comics (and a couple of really, really bad ones!)

Come on down and have some laughs!

Love,

Kenny A.

A Voice That Comes Along Once In A Lifetime - RIP

2007-09-05T21:58:00.000-07:00

Luciano Pavarotti (October 12, 1935 - September 6, 2007)

Another Pretty Face, Hearts on Fire '07

2007-09-03T20:26:00.001-07:00

The greatest glam-rock band of the 70s reunited in NYC and NJ in May of '07, and it was as good as it was 30 years ago. If the drummer looks familiar, it's Tico Torres who went on from Another Pretty Face to be the drummer for another fairly well-known New Jersey band, Bon Jovi. Enjoy!

Stevie Wonder - Blowin' in the Wind (Live)

2007-09-03T14:17:00.001-07:00

This is 9 minutes long and well-worth sitting through. It's amazing, to say the least, and so is Stevie.

Erev Labor Day at The Shelton Theatre

2007-09-01T18:23:00.000-07:00

I'll be in the show "Comedy and More" at the Shelton Theatre, 533 Sutter, SF, on Sunday night September 2 (Erev Labor Day). Show begins at 8:30 PM.

This is a great show, in a great theatre! Come on down and have some laughs!

Thanks for your support!

Kenny A.

You Poor, Sad, Troubled Man

2007-08-28T16:11:00.000-07:00

A defiant Sen. Larry Craig denied any wrongdoing Tuesday despite his guilty plea this summer in a men's room police sting, emphatically adding, "I am not gay. I have never been gay."

In other news, a spokesman for the NAACP denied reports that the late James Brown was black, Pat Boone denied being white, and Joan Rivers denied allegations that she has had cosmetic surgery.

Oh, Mr. Craig, you poor, sad, troubled man.

Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition and More

2007-08-25T23:28:00.000-07:00

Come see me on Sunday, August 26, at 3 pm at the SFCC's Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition at The Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, SF. $10. Info/tix at 415/921-2051. I'm very excited about this show as this entire weekend marks the one-year anniversary of the first time I took to the stage to share my comedic world view from the perspective of a gay, religious, rock and roll Jew. It's been quite a journey, and I want to thank all of you who have encouraged, supported, and participated with me over the past year. Just think - one year ago this weekend, I was telling jokes about Mel Gibson. This weekend, you can see me tell jokes about Michael Vick - my, how I've grown as an artist! :)

Later that same night, I'll be in the Comedy and More showcase at the Jean Shelton Theatre at 533 Sutter. Show starts at 8:30 pm and features a whole bunch of really, really funny people including Tony Sparks, Nick Leonard and Joe Nguyen. Come on down and have some laughs! $15.

On Monday night I'll be at the open mic at Tommy T's, 5104 Hopyard Road, Pleasanton. Show starts at 7:30. Come and watch me rock Pleasanton!

Having fun making people laugh...

Kenny A.

Here's Another Greatest Hits Collection That's Hard To Beat

2007-08-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

(side one)
1. Rainy Day Women #12 and 35
2. Blowin' In The Wind
3. The Times They Are A-Changin'
4. It Ain't Me Babe
5. Like A Rolling Stone
(side two)
6. Mr. Tambourine Man
7. Subterranean Homesick Blues
8. I Want You
9. Positive 4th Street
10. Just Like A Woman

A Greatest Hits Collection Doesn't Get Much Better Than This

2007-08-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

(side one)
1. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
2. The Last Time
3. As Tears Go By
4. Time Is On My Side
5. It's All Over Now
6. Tell Me (You're Coming Back)
(side two)
7. 19th Nervous Breakdown
8. Heart Of Stone
9. Get Off Of My Cloud
10. Not Fade Away
11. Good Times, Bad Times
12. Play With Fire

Any questions?

Here, There, and Everywhere

2007-08-20T18:18:00.000-07:00

Here I am for the next few weeks - come and see me make people laugh! (I don't know how I do it, but somehow I do.)

Monday, August 20, 8 pm - Comedy Showcase at The Chieftain, 198 5th Street, SF, with Joe Nguyen, Cara Tramontono, Scott Fell, Laura Gallegos, Daymon Ferguson, and featuring Sal Calanni. $6, plus they serve food.

Saturday, August 25, 6 pm - New Faces of Comedy at The Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, 7th Floor, SF. $5.

Sunday, August 26, 3 pm - Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition at The Clubhouse. $10.

Wednesday, September 5, 8 pm - Hosting at Destinations, 2650 Broadway Street, Redwood City. Free.

Saturday, September 8, 9 pm - Naked Comedy Pro Showcase at The Clubhouse with headliner Kris Tinkle. $10.

Wednesday, September 19, 8 pm. Destinations.

Wednesday, October 10, 8 pm. Destinations.

Thanks for your support and your laughs!

RIP, Funny Man

2007-08-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

Stanley Myron Handelman, 1929-2007

Is This A Cool Town, or What?!

2007-08-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

Marquee, Bridge Theatre, 3010 Geary Blvd., SF, CA, Thursday, August 16, 2007

Gone to be with Eva

2007-08-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

R P
M R V
G R F F N

Bonds Ball Ready To Be Auctioned Off - Right Here, Right Now!

2007-08-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

I have the Bonds ball, and I am ready to auction it off.

Many have claimed to be, but I am the true owner of the Bonds ball. I am ready to auction it off. Starting bid is $100. Send your bid to me at my myspace page (link at right).

This is the official, authentic Bonds ball. Do not accept any imitations. This is the ball that Mary Bond (sometimes known as Bonds) Davis used during a performance of Hairspray at the August Wilson Theatre in New York on January 25, 2003. I was in the audience, and when she threw the ball out that night after the “school volleyball game” scene, I caught it. I have held on to it ever since, knowing that one day it would be valuable.

It’s yours for $100 or more. Bids will be accepted through 12 noon, Sunday, August 19, 2007.

Here’s a picture of Mary:

Here’s a picture of the ball:

Here’s a picture of the ball, on drugs:

Here is a picture of Sarah Bond Davis with her husband and children, circa early 1870s, Sofala/Portland, NSW Australia. Probably no relation to Mary Bond Davis, but you never know.

Happy bidding!

Sports Fans Behaving Badly

2007-08-07T23:49:00.000-07:00

(08-07) 23:31 PDT -- Once again, the polite disagreement over who exactly is the rightful owner of one of Mr. Bonds baseballs produced blood, bruises and bedlam.

Somebody ended up with the ball and, apparently, he fled the ballpark as quickly as he could.

Once again, it seemed that just about everyone in the center field bleachers either touched the ball, almost touched the ball, might have touched the ball, or was touching someone who was touching the ball.

The arrival of the baseball with a secret mark set off a wicked scramble that could have passed for a goal line stand or the attack on Little Round Top.

When the big moment came, the ball flew into the third row of bleacher section 144. That's where Scott Johnson of Oakley was standing with three friends, who had agreed before the game on a four-way split of the proceeds from the ball if any one of them caught it.

Johnson said he got shoved by his friend, Brian Herman of Sacramento. Herman said he felt the ball glance off his fingertips.

"If I would have had a glove on tonight, I would have caught it,'' Herman said.

Before the game, a friend of Herman had offered him a glove, but he turned it down.

Randy Finley of Mountain View, just behind Johnson, said he touched the ball, too. Then he watched in horror as a woman got knocked over and her husband disappeared into the scrum, leaving their 4-year-old son to cower with his teddy bear. Finley said he never found out who they were but that it did not appear to be the pinnacle of responsible parenting.

Meanwhile, the ball was tipped from row 3, to row 4, to row 5. A fellow named Bryant Toth of San Francisco said he had "three fingers on the ball'' before he lost it. He did not come away empty, however. For his efforts, he wound up with a cut on his right shin.

And then the ball struck the ground and a guy in a New York Mets jersey plopped down on it and wouldn't budge, while one fan after another tried to pull the ball away from him.

Some people pushed others to get to him. There was shoving, elbowing and possibly worse.

Security guards and cops showed up and began pulling children away from the grown-ups who were doing battle.

"Who has the ball, who has the ball, who has the ball?'' the guards were hollering.

Then the security people dug into the pile, grabbed the guy in the Mets jersey and spirited him away. About six guards and cops escorted him in a phalanx worthy of a prince or potentate.

One woman, Amanda Nunez, a season ticket holder from San Francisco, admitted that she tried to pull the ball from the guy in the Mets jersey.

"I was holding on to his arm, I was trying to get the ball,'' she said.

After failing, she was thrown back in the scuffle and bumped her head, leaving her with a headache. She was one of about half a dozen fans injured in the scuffle, mostly with bruises, along with Toth's bloody shin.

Nunez said she ended up holding a flip-flop that she believes belongs to the guy in the Mets jersey. It wasn't the ball, but it was something. Maybe, she said, it was even a collector's item.

"Maybe, but that's kind of gross,'' she said.

About two hours later, a spokesman for the Giants said all that was known about the man with the ball was that his name was Matt Murphy, 22, of Queens, N.Y., and that he had purchased a ticket to the game on a whim. He was in San Francisco on his way to Australia, where he was headed Tuesday night.

It was not known what Murphy had done with the ball or what he plans to do with it, although money is probably involved.

There was plenty of heartbreak to go around. One young fan, 15-year-old Mark Jackson of Philadelphia, said he was sure he was the guy with the ball. But Jackson had fallen for the fake ball trick -- during big home run scrambles, mischievous fans are known to toss other balls into the area to watch the resulting chaos.

Jackson picked up one of the fake balls, stuffed it into his pants and then headed below the bleachers to consult with security guards, who broke the bad news.

If Jackson had inspected the ball, the guard pointed out, he would have seen it was marked "CIAC'' -- which stands for the Connecticut Interscholastic Athletic Conference, not generally known as the supplier of major league baseballs.

The rest of section 144 was aghast at the spectacle of the ball scuffle.

"Fists were flying, elbows were flying, people were digging, swinging, pulling on stuff, nobody cared about anything,'' said Chris Goelkel of San Francisco. "It was madness.''

Alan Azem of San Mateo said, "It got to the point where people pushed other people just to get on him.''

"They were pushing grandmothers to the floor,'' said Susan Kitchens of Campbell. "I was just trying to get away from it.''

Is This Totally Cool, Or What?!

2007-08-06T19:38:00.000-07:00

(Click to make it bigger.)

Why The F**k Is This News?!

2007-08-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

Yao Ming Marries Girlfriend in Shanghai
BEIJING - Yao Ming married his long-term girlfriend Monday at a swanky hotel in his hometown of Shanghai. Yao, the Houston Rockets' star center, tied the knot with Ye Li, a 6-foot-2 player on the Chinese women's basketball team in a ceremony at the Shangri-La Hotel, sina.com reported.

If You Don't Own This, Your Record Collection Is Not Complete

2007-08-05T12:34:00.000-07:00

50 Mason, Saturday, August 4 - What a Lineup!

2007-08-03T08:31:00.000-07:00

Come and see me make people laugh on Saturday night, August 4, 8 pm, at 50 Mason (that's the name of the club AND the address), SF. Along with your host Tony Sparks, you'll get some rip-roaring laughs from Joe Tobin, Reggie Steele, Marti McGibbon, Aundre Herron - and me! $10 at the door.

Comedy in Redwood City, Wednesday, August 1

2007-07-31T17:59:00.000-07:00

I will be appearing in Erikka Innes' Comedy Showcase at Destinations, 2650 Broadway Street, Redwood City, on Wednesday, August 1. Show begins at 8 pm. Free admission.

Coming up -

Saturday, August 4, 6 pm, $5, New Faces of Comedy at The Clubhouse, 414 Mason Street, SF
Saturday, August 4, 8:30 pm, $10 at 50 Mason, located at (duh) 50 Mason Street, SF
Wednesday, August 8, 8 pm, $5, hosting Hump Day Comedy at The Clubhouse

This is Jenny - she wants to be my myspace friend

2007-07-29T19:44:00.000-07:00

What do you think? Should I do it?